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140,133 Literary Works • 673,031 Reviews
I liked reading it, I didn't see a whole lot of mistakes. Though, I do agree with Justtrying, you should cut out some of it and maybe change it around.
As for him changing, I thought that you should've made it more intense, to him. What are his thoughts while it's happening? Is he panicked? Does he know about it already? It's obvious that he doesn't after he kills Father David, but it felt awkward when he was transforming. It's also strange that he would regain control so quickly. It's a norm of the character [whoever they are] regains control of who they are after... whatever happens to them is done using them, so to speak. I also like the idea of the coversation of it, maybe to foreshadow but not be overly so. Also, just a funny thought I had, while he was killing Father David, the thought ran through my mind of "Well, obviously Dakota isn't agreeing with you Father David, maybe he WANTS to feed those people. If only you had agreed..."
I think also, to make it a little more interesting, you could have someone come in as he's killing Father David. Which would make him run out the window.
I also remembered the other tiny mistake I found.
Should be groceries. :)
That's all I saw. Anyway, I love it and I want you to continue. PM me if you do, please?
Hellllo~!
That was amazing! Really! (Haha! Love the signature xD Sorry. I know, its random.) Anyways, the only thing was that you changed the scene a bit too fast. The part where he turns into a werewolf. You made the entire thing sound like it was a spoof, because you changed it too fast.
Maybe, when he was with Father David, you can add a conversation there. Father David could tell him an old wives' tale or something about werewolfs. Or there could be a legend in the area, if so, mention it.
And when he starts changing, you can try adding a little bit more emotions there and a bit more adjectives on how he changed. It was all to quick, otherwise.
Also, sometimes you used a lot, (LIKE A LOOOOT!) of adjectives. I was like, "Get to the point already! You killing me with words!" type of thing. xD Well, no actually, I wasn't, but try getting to the point 'cause it really annoys the readers.
But, overall, no spelling mistakes, no errors, no mistakes in all! And that's amazing! This post is amazing! I personally loved the end. And your caption was very catchy too!
Well done!
I would love to hear more from you, really.
-Justtrying.