...

you have a disticnt writing style somthing alongs the lines of riordon or collins. I was abosulutely hooked from the beggining of the story.

Helloooooo, fight4whatisright!
Writer1204 here for a quick review!

So, I'll write some of my annotations now as I read through and I guess I will give you my final comment in the end.

1. Love the first sentence, already got me hooked in.

2. I really love the fact that I'm feeling as if I was inside a movie or a video game. I'm liking your imaginary very much.

3. Don't mind what I say, but this sounded a bit odd to me: "I nodded to over the school fence" perhaps it should be, "I nodded over to the school fence"

4. This is more of a fun fact that I want to mention since most published authors still do it, but it is in a way wrong. For example, if I say, ["Oh, you look lovely today," she giggled.] it is most definitely not wrong, but you can't actually giggle the words. You can giggle between them or giggle afterwards, but it's more of an action. Another example would be here, [“You missed a spot,” Russell sneered.] He can't really sneer the words, you get me? It's really tricky, depends on the word you use, on which action you're trying to show. It was just something I wanted to mention, truly, nothing that you should mind too much!

5. [Oh god, if I got arrested, my step-dad would kill me.] Ah, what we do for love, right? See? I am indeed a firm believer that love makes you do the stupidest things. It's sad.... True, but sad.

6. [I threw myself up and over it, desperate to escape the scene of the crime.] I think it's okay if you say, "the crime scene" rather than, "the scene of the crime". Totally up to you though!!

7. [when life was simpler] I feel like this is something I'll tell my kids. "Life was simpler...and then 2016 came around."

8. [“You’ll what?” I spat. “Do it! Better me than her.”] OHHHHHH MYYYY GOOOOOOOD. WOW. I LOVE HER. CRAP. SHIT. JESUS.

9. [A grey footpath snaked through the natural environment like poison through blood - I avoided this spoiling feature. There weren’t any low shrubs to obstruct me, just a few fallen branches which I easily jumped. Nothing can stop me now. Sticks and stones raked at my bare feet, but failed to pierce my tough soles; I did this so often I was immune to the barbwire-like forest floor. Nothing can stop me now. My phone vibrated in the pocket of my shorts, but I ignored it. Nothing can stop me now.] Absolutely nothing wrong here. I just wanted to tell you how much I liked this part.

10. You know...just casually bumping into a naked girl. S'All cool. Chilled. Rainbows and unicorns.

11. [I mean, she couldn’t be okay, right? Naked in darkness of the bush, something had to be wrong. She needed help, didn’t she?] HAHAHAHA. I really love your MC. This made me laugh so hard.

12. [“It’s gonna happen,”] This is the part where, if I were her, I'd get the HELL away NOW.

13. Oh, now the coo-coo psycho is laughing and saying that she's gonna be just like her. See? This is why I'm scared of kids in general...though they're not kids anymore, but still. She's naked and creepy, for Christ's sake!

14. Now she threw herself into a ravine. JESUS.

Well I'll be damned. This was awesome. As I said, you hooked me in right from the start, and I thought it was super entertaining all throughout. If you plan on making this into a novel--silly of me to wonder since you're tagged this under the 'novel' category if I'm not mistaken--it's a super strong first chapter and I absolutely loved it. Two thumbs up from me!!
I have to admit, I'm weak for the supernatural-related books, I really am. What can I say? I find it way more interesting than real life. And you managed to bring me into your work as if it was me the one in there, so really good job.
I do see a bunch of potential, so keep on working and I'd love to see where this goes next. If you decide to publish a second chapter, as well, do let me know and I'll more than gladly read it!

That's all I've got for you now; hope it worked out for you and that it helped in any way!
Have a nice day/night.

Sincerely, Writer1204.

PS: Now I'll have nightmares about a crazy, naked girl, standing next to a tree and then jumping into a ravine, thank you very much.

Haiii!

Whoa! Nice cliff hanger ending! They kind of annoy me, but I still like them. Mainly because of not knowing what happened after, but that just adds to the story, and makes it better. Whoa that run on sentence right there! What happened to the wolf later? The story is well written. It is very descriptive and eventful. The "amount" of action that takes place in this story is just right. The descriptions aren't too in-depth, so that it doesn't make that "part" feel obsessive. It is very well written. I love it! Keep writing!

Greetings from Squirtlepowiee