One Hundred Sleepless Nights #1

Ehem.
The bae is here.
*Clears throat.*
Let's get started; sorry to keep you waiting for so long!

1. I'm writing to you because I'm a misfit.

You just get right to the point. Very nice.

Also, I'm writing to you because I love you. I haven't met you yet, but hopefully I will.

Captured my attention right away!

2. I wonder, as I lay on my bed and write to my future and my past, I wonder how me, a girl with many friends and parents who love her, can feel so alone. I feel like I'm watching myself instead of controlling my movement. Guess that's how everyone feels, how it works.

My only suggestion is to maybe cut this into a few more sentences. The run-on isn't brain-overloading, though, so don't get all worked up about it . Also, what do you mean, you're writing to your future and past? Sorry if I'm being dense here, but could you please explain that line to me?

3. I guess that means I'm a slut.
Nice line and nice way to end it.

Mmk, so I saw your reply to Noelle and I understand that this John is not an actual person. I know it is the beginning of the book and all, so I'm not going to wrangle you about it, but I hope you make it more obvious that this John is not real in future letters. In fact, I shall go read them now to see if you do!

You've got some good lines here, and the potential for a great story. This was a short, interesting read. I think it would work well if you extended the length a bit, but I also think D's sort of art is capturing attention in only a few lines and making people think. You choose.

Overall rating: 9/10
Keep writing!
+1

I really like the letters-as-a-novel idea. I'm actually reading a book right now, Where'd You Go, Bernadette, that uses this same style. So far, I think your story is fantastic. There's not much to go on yet, but I assume more is coming.

I think the line "write to my future and my past" is a tiny bit melodramatic. Also, saying "a girl with many friends and parents who love her" seems conceited. But if that's what you eventually want to lean towards (I have no idea if you'd want to), that would work. I agree with Noelle about the time in the corner of the letter. I think that could be very symbolic. Like, can she not sleep at night? Does she write every night at the same time and why?

Just some food for thought.

~artriana00

Hi there!

This novel is going to be composed of a series of letters, huh? I've seen that used only once before, in The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It was done quite well there and I was actually a lot more interested in it than I thought I would be. I'm interested to see how your novel works being made up of letter like this. It's a very original idea.

One thing I find interesting here is that your MC, D, writes what time it is at the top of the page. That could possibly be some clue or insight into what kind of character she is. Obviously she's quite particular because she wrote the time. And maybe she's a bit precise and articulate as well since this letter is being written at nine o'clock on the dot. If you think about it, what are the chances that she would sit down randomly to write this letter and it's exactly nine o'clock? I find it too perfect to be a coincidence.

So we don't learn much here. I know that this is just the beginning, so I'm assuming that this is done on purpose. We know that there is a John and there is a D. What we don't know is how old they are, where they live, who they are, how they know each other. And all of that missing information is what gets us interested. It's just enough mystery, if you will, for us to want to read on and learn about these characters.

I haven't met you yet, but hopefully I will.

(will review on the weekend. Just wanted to give you thumbs up cause I like)