I watched as the rain collected on the glass. I had been staring out the window for a while. I had been locked inside this house by my own father. Today is my 18th birthday. So much for being an adult.
I sit here. Day after day, staring out the window. Even if I did want to go out, I would be an outcast. I "didn't think right". I was crazy. Just as my Grandmother was.
My Grandmother is 65. She started going crazy when she was 10, she claimed she could hear things, horrible things that people where telling her to do. It's claimed she killed her Mother by poisoning her tea. I don't believe she did.
I can't hear things. I mostly see things. The dead. Maybe I'm possesed. I don't know. All I know is there is something out there, stronger than all of us.
I was taken out of school at the age of 12. I was found in a closet, talking to myself. I remember that day, I was talking to my friend Lucy. She had died two days before and was scared. I was helping.
I finally get up. I walk into my bedroom and go to the shower. I take a 30 minute shower, letting the hot water run. When I got out I brushed my hair out and swiped a little makeup on. As I stared at my stunningly beautiful features I wonder why I even bother. I guess it's another distraction. I put some leggings and a long sleeved blue dress on and pulled on some uggs. I went to sit back down by the window.
Even though I'm crazy, I'm still rich. At least my parents are. I get $900 a week. The money goes towards my house, medicine, food, and clothes. Not many luxury Items, though.
A boy staring at me from across the street distracted me. It was rainy and dark out, and little boys don't walk around here. He smiled straight at me then started walking across the street towards me. I jumped up and burst through the door, it was a busy street.
I sprint across my lawn and don't even think he could already be dead, before tossing him towards the side of the road, barely getting hit myself.
Out of breath, I yell at him, "Are you crazy?!"
The small boy could only be almost eight. He was scrawny with blonde hair and dark eyes. He was wearing a light coat and jeans. He looks up at me with big eyes.
"T-T-Thank you." He says. He stands up and light flashes in his eyes. He's not a ghost.
"Let me thank you properly as my momma taught me." He tugs me down and kisses me lightly on the cheek. My skin tingles from where he touches it.
He bows. "It was great pleasure to meet you miss, I must leave now. Goodbye." He says, turning and walking away.
The rain started pouring harder. I just stood there, watching the boy turn the corner. After about a half an hour standing there, I finally turned and went back inside. Where I sat in my chair and looked out the window.
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"Arden."
I sigh, Jasper was back.
"What Jasper?" I say with slight annoyance.
Jasper was a ghost that visited me regulary. He had blonde hair that curled in front of his sharp green eyes. He died in Hurricane Katrina. He had told me the story of it a thousand times.
"My family and I just came home from vacation before school would start, to hear the devestating news of what would hit. We all clutched each other, the power lines were down from the strong winds, we couldn't say goodbye to anyone. I was the oldest sibling, with 2 younger sisters and 1 younger boy. I loved them to death. We clutched on to each other, and when the water started flooding the first floor of our building we started crying. We climbed up to the rooftop, trying to stay above the water.After about and hour the water was right at the edge of our rooftop. Keryna was walking over to me and tripped, and fell into the water. She was only ten! She couldn't swim, my mom screeched and I jumped into the water to save her. I grabbed her and threw her back onto the top but I fell deeper into the water, and drowned. The worst part about dying is seeing my parents after I went down. They couldn't stop shouting, crying..."
It was a horrible story, but his sisters and brothers are still alive. His mother died a year ago from sickness, and his dad doesn't have much longer.
"Why don't you get out for a while? Have fun? You're eighteen for god's sake!" Jasper says, sitting on my couch.
"You know why Jasper. I'm talking to the dead right now." I stare out the window thinking of the boy I saw yesterday. I guess I'll tell Jasper about it.
"Wow." Was all Jasper said. "What if that boy was already dead? You could've died yourself!" He stared at me.
"I feel like I'm already dead." I mumbled. I got up from my chair and walked into the kitchen. I felt Jasper's eyes on me, practically drilling into my back, and turned to look at him. "What?"
He was next to me in an instant, softly touching my cheek. "You bruised your cheek pretty bad." He examines it. "It looks so dark, blackish even, like your tissue's dying. Did you hit the side of your face when you fell down?" It was wierd being touched by the dead, it sucks the life from you.
"Stop touching it," I jerk away, feeling disconcerted, and mad all of a sudden . "I feel like I'm dead myself when you touch me."
"Ah, the perk of being a zombie!"
I walk into the bathroom. I don't remember hitting my cheek on anything. Just how my skin tingled after the small boy kissed it. Jasper was right. A dark blotchy spot had began to show on my skin. It was a wierd blackish color, too dark for a bruise. I carefully look at it. When I press my fingers against it it didn't even sting. This was no bruise. Maybe a rash? Did the small boy poison me?
If I was going to die, I knew where I wanted to die and who with. I put on some boots and grab a coat and head out to my Grandmother's house.
------
Jasper left before I got to my Grandmother's house. He didn't exactly like her. Most people don't. She talks to evil forces and is convinced the Devil has her soul. I don't bother knocking on the door, I'm the only person that ever comes here, not even her own son, my father, comes to visit.
"Hello Grandmother." I say when I see her. Her eyes lock on my cheek.
"What happened Arden?" My Grandmother looked frightened. I was poisoned.
I told her the story again. I couldn't stop thinking of the boy. How one boy could change my life so suddenly.
My Grandma's face turns white.
"What is it Grandma?" I feel my stomach churn.
"They're here." She whispers. She starts breathing heavily. I gasp and go over to her.
"Who? Are you okay? Grandma!" She looks into my eyes, terrified. "Tell me who's coming!" She wouldn't speak. Her eyes roll back into her head, and she's still. A heartattack. Whatever's here, scares her. It scared her to death.
I take a couple steps back, and start to run. Out of her house, down the street, going anywhere but home.
I am a little upset with myself, I wore a dress. It had a brown corset and a short flowey floral skirt that went down to above my knee. I was wearing brown combat boots to complete the look. My lips were pink and full, perfectly lined. I had a small amount of blush and my freckles stood out. My eyelashes were long and black, and my eyeliner had been winged out. I had a light brown powder eyeshadow with white eyeshadow in the corners of my eyes to brighten my eyes up. I looked stunning. Every man in town told me I was beautiful. But once they found out about who I was, they ran and never came back.
I didn't need a man. I wasn't like many gorgeous girls around the earth. I was independent. I have to be, Since I've been living by myself since I was 14. Of course, that wasn't much of a problem since I had a lot of money.
Money. I panicked for a second. Did I grab my debit card? I realized I had stuck it in my bra as I was leaving, so when my Grandmother searched me for money- I knew she would- She would have it.
I was out of my city, finally. I saw many unfamiler faces, and passed many unknown stores and arcades. I didn't know what I would do, but suddenly, I don't feel so confident. I should feel amazing, no one knows who I am, and I'm beautiful. I'll be married in a month! But then, I realize I still have a mark on my face. I'm not beautiful anymore.
I finally got to the center of town where many people were walking around. The skyscrapers reached the sky and buses and taxis where everywhere. I was in the Capital- Core.
Core had been our Capital since the beginning of our state Oriena. We didn't have much of a war. ever. Everything was peaceful. They had everything in control.
A few men looked my way, straight at my mark. I keep walking, and soon I realize I'll have to start all over, and try to figure out who's here. I remember my Grandmother telling me stories. What if she mentioned something about whoevers coming? Was there one story she said the most? I need to get a hotel room, people are staring. I'm hoping this mark will leave my face. Please leave my body.
End of chapter
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A pretty good chapter!
The story didn't seem like anything I've read before, and got me interested in knowing more of her past, perhaps a prologue would fit?
One thing I noticed, is that you're using ''I'' too much at the start of sentences. For example
One thing you could do to change this is building your sentences in different ways and using other personal pronouns. An example:
At the age of 12 I was taken out of school. They found me in a closet, talking to myself. I remember that day, I was talking to my friend Lucy. She had died two days before and was scared. I was helping.
I like the concept of the story so far, and I'm curious about the mark now and what will happen next.
Remember to not use 'I'' all the time, and you have a great story in front of you!
Good luck with the writing!
Forgot to mark this as a review, if a mod+ sees it, please delete it.
Hi I have a review for you. I would firstly like to say that I really enjoyed reading your chapter, the theme of it was good, and I am now very curious about the next chapter, I've certainly got lots of questions about the mark now!


However, there was one small thing I noticed which is changed would make the chapter much better;
'I watched as the rain collected on the glass. I had been staring out the window for a while. I had been locked inside this house by my own father. Today is my 18th birthday. So much for being an adult.'
The sentence structure I found contained way too many full-stops. Some of them could have been replaced with commas. Here is a possible way to rewrite this:
'I watched as the rain collected on the window, which I'd been staring out of for a while. I had been locked inside this house by my own father, and today is my 18th birthday... so much for being an adult.'
It's not a perfect change, but you get the idea
Overall, other than this very minor issue, I really enjoyed this chapter, and can't wait to see more of it! Good work!
Thank you! If you'd like, I'll keep you updated on chapters I post!?
I would appreciate that
Thank you