*This story is underneath my folder titled “Circe the ringmaster!”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic/117842-my-character-designs-lt-33-3?start=135. Enjoy!*
Zara picked up the little spider that was caught in between the cracks. Mom screamed and ran away, Dad tried to kill it.
But her parents left for a farmer’s market that day, thinking that Zara herself would kill it. Their house was infested with spiders, teeming with spiders.
At least, that was how they saw it. Not Zara, though.
The spiders were lost. The spiders needed a friend. They were little creatures, and they just wanted company.
That was all.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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136,469 Literary Works • 671,880 Reviews
I love how this story is really simple yet so deep!
I also was really interested by how you opened with
it's vivid and humorous, yet how you contrast this response with Zara's is super neat c:
I especially love Zara's view, and I completely understand how she feels lmao. The depth of emotion here even with a very short short story is crazy and I'm super impressed. I also liked the ending
which essentially reframes the spiders as these innocent misunderstood companions, and I also liked the simplicity of the language since it makes the image I gather very accessible and intriguing c:
im really really excited to see where this goes!
This sounds like how my son would feel. He loves spiders. I do not love spiders. I love snakes. Despite my dislike for spiders though, I don't try to kill them if I can help it. Does Zara like snakes too or only spiders? I get the feeling Zara is preparing to have a tea party or some such gathering with these spiders while her parents are away. I would like to read about that
This one was short and sweet.
Zara would be fine with snakes but spiders are her favorite.
Thx for reading!
This is a nice little start to something! We don't get much, but we learn that Zara is not scared of spiders and thinks they need friends. I'm honestly on Zara's side with this one. I mean, I don't like touching spiders, but I think they deserve to be left alone and not killed!
I wish it were longer! I know short pieces are your main style, but sometimes it feels more like a prologue or a blurb than a true short story. I think you should have gone into some more detail about the parents and also added some speech from them to give them more character than just being scared of spiders!
I am intrigued to read more!
Thx for reading/advice!
This is so simple yet immersive.
Hello creeperfeverdreams!! I'm here for a quick review!
The first thing I noticed was the length. It's very short for a short story (lol). I think it leaves a lot of room for interpretation.
I do have a question, based on the point of view. In this line:
The story appears to be in third person here, as it says Zara's name herself. Whereas here:
This appears to be in first person. A narrator would use the words "Her mom" and "Her dad" instead of Mom and Dad as proper nouns. Just a note.
I loved how Zara sees the spiders as humans who are lonely. It reminds me of a show I saw where a character was friends with the rats.
I think this is great. Keep up the good work!!
With best intentions, Yuuki
xxxxx
Yes, it’s meant to be third person.
Thx for reading/advice!
ofc!