*This story is underneath my folder titled “Circe the ringmaster!”. Gacha Club character designs are underneath my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
CLOVER
Clover jumped out of the train, running through the field of wildflowers, right into Sawyer’s waiting arms, right into the arms of her one true love.
“I’ve been waiting for you, Clover. We all have. I thought that for sure you would pass on, but so many years have gone by…”
Sawyer couldn’t finish his words, for he had trailed off into tears, stroking his hand through her magenta clown wig.
Clover felt him throw the wig off, and then her real, matted hair was let out around her pale face.
She heard him take one deep breath, as if to compose himself, to take it all in.
“It doesn’t matter, because you’re here now. You’re with all of us now. You’re with me.” Sawyer said, his voice choked with sobs.
He lifted her face up to his, lightly brushing away her fallen tears with his fingers.
“Can you talk? I’ve seen you from above. I know that you were mute down there, but can you talk now? I miss your voice.” Sawyer asked softly.
Clover frowned. No, she couldn’t speak. She could still feel that her voice was a poison, that it could destroy the living and disintegrate spirits and angels. She could feel it in how her throat tasted sour.
She shook her head sadly.
“Ah, that’s alright. I’m just happy that you’re here.” Sawyer laughed.
Clover grinned and planted a kiss on his lips, to which he dipped her down for, as if they were both at their wedding.
The wedding that should have happened down in Earth.
…………………………………………………….
SAWYER
Sawyer couldn’t be happier. Swinging Clover around, showering her with kisses. It had been years since they died, but finally, Clover had made it to Heaven. He was never going to let her go, not for one second!
Well, unless she had to do something, of course.
As if on cue, Maxine ran up to hug Clover, who swept the little girl into a hug of her own. Sawyer let her go for that, for he wasn’t the only one who loved Clover.
Besides, his Mom and Dad would be waiting. His parents, who believed in his magic from day one, who had to watch in horror in Heaven as Sawyer was murdered.
But it was alright. Everyone was laid to rest.
They had all made it.
…………………………………………………….
MAXINE
“Clover! Clover! I’m so glad you’re here! Circe killed my Mommy and Daddy and she made me all alone and I was waiting for you this whole time and I’m so SO happy that you made it!” Maxine gushed.
Her Mommy and Daddy were watching in the distance, she could see from the corner of her eye.
Though she was very pleased that they didn’t leave her behind, she still didn’t feel quite as close to them as she would have liked. Maybe in time, she would.
But at least Clover was back. At least her best friend had made it.
She thought that Circe had taken her away.
…………………………………………………….
ADDISON
“Clover’s here! Is it okay that we leave now? I want to say hi!” Addison said brightly.
He and his twin sister, Madison, were with their Mom and Dad in Heaven’s wildflower field. Their parents were the ones who enrolled them both into acrobat classes, and also the ones who sent them to the circus.
The twins did not sense immediate danger until it was far too late.
They wanted to spend all the time they could with their parents, but they also wanted to see Clover again.
Mom smiled, Dad said: “Of course, she’s your friend! We’ll always let you talk to your friends.”
Addison and Madison left gratefully, glad to be with an old acquaintance.
…………………………………………………….
MADISON
Madison cartwheeled over, as did Addison. There wasn’t a moment where she didn’t cartwheel, for every day was a day to exit in style!
She truly loved to perform and do tricks, but when Circe killed them all…
That shattered her. That broke her trust. All Madison wanted was to be an acrobat at a circus of like-minded individuals, but instead, there was destruction. There was death.
Madison made sure to squeeze Clover and Maxine into a hug, Addison joining along.
After everything, they were all safe and sound.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hi vampricone! Dropping by to give you a review. I will be using the YWS'mores method to help structure my review.
The Top Graham Cracker: A quick scan of this work tells me that the story will be told from multiple POVs, which I LOVE! I highly enjoy stories with multiple POVs because I find it fun to experience the story from different perspectives, thoughts, and personalities. It's always fun to figure out which POV is your favorite as you go through the story.
The Slightly Burnt Marshmallow:
I don't really like the use of the word "pass" in the same sentence; it feels a bit awkward. Consider rewriting the sentence.
I believe you mean from day one, yes?
Besides that, I do not see any other nitpicks!
The Melty Chocolate Bar I really enjoyed the different point of views, as I figured I would! It was really nice to see how many people missed Clover and are happy she was finally able to move on and ascend to Heaven with the rest of them. I can see how deeply loved she is, not just by her husband, but by her friends as well! Super cute. I think I enjoyed Clover's POV the most, to be honest. I liked hearing her thoughts and it was interesting to discover that she can't (or won't) speak aloud, and the reason why. It's unfortunate that even in death, this curse won't end. :/ poor Clover.
My favorite lines were these:
The Bottom Graham Cracker: Overall, I really enjoyed this! I think you did a great job of balancing the different point of views and giving each narrator enough substance for their part of the story!
I hope this review was a bit helpful.
~Iggy
So glad you enjoyed! Here are other stories that connect to this:
The misadventures of Clover the clown!
Dakota’s origin (This one takes place in the same circus Clover and the others were in but with different characters except for the ringmaster. The ringmaster character is the same)
31 Hellish Halloween Tales (Part Two) (Tales 9-21) (Her first appearance is in the ninth Halloween tale in this story)
The story is written so well! It is easy to follow and the characters were every interesting. My only suggestion would be to provide more information about the characters and their lives. There was not information about what the characters were like during their lives on earth and there are a lot of characters to keep track of, so just make sure you make them distinct. Good job!