16+ Violence Mature Content

Of sparkling colors and the winding woods

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.

*This story is underneath my folder titled “The Laurence family’s deepest woes”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs <33”. Enjoy!*

Chapter One-Maybe Mommy will be okay

Asher Laurence lay on the pile of blankets and pillows, staring up at the cracked, molding wooden ceiling. He was in an abandoned cabin with Mommy and his older, sixteen year old sister, Rosalyn. They were all in their different rooms, but Asher was the only one who didn’t sleep on a bed, for no bed could fit a hulking creature like him.

Underneath the layer of leathery skin was a little seven year old boy who couldn’t sleep very comfortably with his wings being folded into his skin and his tail tucked in between his legs.

Curling claws. Sharpened teeth. Wings. A tail. Towering height. He didn’t really feel like a little boy. He felt more like a bad guy, a demon that needed to be locked away and killed. Even though Mommy, Rosalyn , and his friends said that they still loved him, he still wondered if they thought of him as a scary monster, if-

Mommy! Was Mommy okay? Mommy was a ghost, but she was all white. No colors at all. She didn’t really have a mouth until she wanted to speak, and in its place, a black line formed.

Mommy said that Daddy was bad, and she was right, because Daddy tried to make him eat souls, but then, how much did Daddy hurt her? Daddy himself said that he killed her, but did he hurt her before? Was Mommy happy as a ghost? Did she want to be something else?

Could Asher save her? After all, he did save the souls that Daddy trapped, so why wouldn’t he be able to save Mommy?

Mommy would want to be an angel. Mommy would want to go to Heaven. Mommy would want to be safe. So, Asher thought of Mommy with her smile, Mommy with her big brown eyes that were sometimes surrounded by a ring of eyeshadow, for there were days where she dressed like she was from the olden days. Daddy thought that it was weird, but Asher thought that it was fun. Mommy would want to look like a human again. Mommy would want wings. Mommy would want to fly.

So, Asher closed his eyes and thought of Mommy becoming her regular self, only with wings so that she may fly up, up, up into the sky, where he believed that true happiness never died.

He let all of his energy grow, ebb, and flow around him, thinking only of Mommy…Mommy…Mommy.

Chapter Two-Is it really a good morning?

“Asher…Asher…Asher?” Rosalyn’s voice asked.

Asher slowly opened his eyes, for the work he did the other night had tired him out, and he was only half-conscious when he heard Rosalyn’s voice and felt her gently tap his arm.

Once his eyes had fully opened, Rosalyn asked:

“Why didn’t you come downstairs when Mom was calling your name? She called you like four times. You’re scaring her. You-Are you alright?”

Asher frowned. Why would she be worried about that? His body felt a little sore from the other night, but he was okay, because his family was okay. Mommy shouldn’t be worried about him, he helped her.

But Asher got up, despite how all of his bones felt like they were going to fall out, despite how he winced with every step that he took, despite Rosalyn’s growing concern in her many questions.

He was okay. He had to let Mommy know that.

Chapter Three-Hi, Mommy

Asher made it to the living room, where Mommy stood right in the middle of the room, staring at her hands. Except, she wasn’t the fully white ghost that he had seen her as before.

She had her colors back. She had her mouth back. She had her wings again, but she was bleeding. Why was she bleeding? Nobody liked to bleed. Was she okay?

Mommy looked over at Asher, her eyes going wide with fright, and she asked:

“Did you do this? Did you-“

“I tried to help you! I wanted you to be an angel! I didn’t want you to bleed! I…I…I…”

Right in that moment, Asher felt his body go slack. His lips had gone heavy, his terror had risen inside of him, the ceiling and floor seemed to crash into one another, and then…

“ASHER!” Mommy’s voice cried out.

He wanted to come back to her, but again, the darkness had crept in.

Chapter Four-Such a pitiful state it’s all in

He was back in front of their old house. The trees bent with the wind, the sky was dark with only the moon to shine.

Asher squinted his eyes, making sure that he was seeing things right. Nobody was supposed to be at his old house, it got abandoned and overtaken by vines.

Yet on the left side of the lawn was James with his mother and father and on the right, Ryan with his mother and father. His friends were holding hands with their parents, and Asher could hear them chant:

“Demons of evil, be more

Rot in Hell forevermore

Never reach your claws out ag-“

James fell to the ground, writhing and spitting up sputters of blood. His parents bent down, trying to wake him up. Ryan’s parents tried to get him to continue with the chant, but he hesitated, looking over at James with worry etched in his eyes.

Asher tried to move, but found that he was trapped, rooted to only one spot. There were two hulking shadows growing on the exterior of his house, and right in his ear, he heard his father and Aunt’s voice mixed together:

“You can still make the right choice.”

And that was when Asher began to open his eyes.

Chapter Five-Sit and wait, it’s not your problem

“Why did you faint? Did you do this? Did you use your energy to heal me? Are you alright? Are…”

“I’m okay, Mommy.” Asher said.

But why was he lying on the ground? Why did Mommy and Rosalyn look so scared? And what was that Mommy said about him fainting? He fainted?

“I fainted?” Asher asked.

Mommy took on a look as though his limbs were all twisted and messed up. He shifted uncomfortably on the ground, hoping that she would lose the paranoid expression on her face. He would be alright if she wasn’t worried about him.

“You don’t remember what happened? As soon as you came down here, you fainted. Did you use up your energy to make me an angel?” Mommy asked.

Asher thought back to the other night, where he concentrated on giving Mommy a brand new form, a more human-looking form, so that she would pass on and go to Heaven.

“I did. But I didn’t think that it would make me faint. I just wanted you to be okay. I just wanted you to go to Heaven. Why aren’t you in Heaven?” Asher asked.

Mommy sighed and clasped his claw gently. Rosalyn sat down next to him and brought her knees up to her chest, as though she were trying to push all of her thoughts into the deepest, farthest corner of her mind.

“I’m not leaving you kids until I’m certain that you’ll be alright on your own. Now, do you think that you can get up? Do you feel better now?” Mommy asked.

He wasn’t feeling weak anymore. At least, not physically. The image of James falling down still flickered in his mind, and then he told them both:

“When I fainted, I saw James and Ryan with their parents at our old house. They were saying this chant and then James’ mouth started bleeding and then I heard Daddy and Aunt Eleanor’s voices. What’s going on?“

“Your friends are witches and their families were trying to protect our old house from releasing evil. Daddy and Aunt Eleanor are connected to the house since that’s where we all had our family get-to-togethers. They’re going to connect to places they feel a high connection to. If you’re okay, then I’ll leave right now. Are you okay? Do you think that you’ll be alright?” Mommy asked.

Asher nodded, taking in Mommy’s answers. He wished that she told him earlier that his friends were witches. Heck, he wished that his friends told him earlier.

But he understood if nobody could talk about it before. There was a lot going on, and talking about the supernatural, especially when loved ones were involved, was quite a difficult thing to do.

The important thing that was that Asher was in the know, was that Mommy was honest with him…she was going to leave him with Rosalyn?

“I’m only going to be gone for a little bit. I’ll be back soon. Stay right here with Rosalyn. Don’t follow me.” Mommy said, getting up from the ground.

Asher got up, the feeling of his limbs being pushed down all gone. He tried to grasp Mommy’s hand, but she disappeared in a spark of light.

She said that she would only be gone for a little bit. She said that she was just going to help them out. She wasn’t telling him much of anything, just like Daddy did…

Why couldn’t anybody just be completely honest for once?

Chapter Six-Is waiting going to help?

“You’re not going to do anything? You’re just going to stay here? What about Mommy and the others? What if they are in trouble? What if-“

“Asher, calm down. Mom said that she was going to handle it. This is bigger than the both of us. She’ll be okay. Nothing can hurt her now that she’s dead.” Rosalyn said, the last word laced with bitterness, the anger and sorrow all twisted up in her voice.

She sat on the dust-covered, stuffing spooling couch, Asher paced back and forth, the floorboards creaking and screeching under his monstrous height.

“So what? Something bad could happen. They might all die. If we come to help them, then they’ll be alright!” Asher said.

Rosalyn shook her head. She didn’t believe in him, but that was wrong, because he killed Daddy and Aunt Eleanor…or did he really? Well, he helped the trapped ghosts go to Heaven! If he could do that, then he could stop Daddy and Aunt Eleanor again! Maybe for good!

“It’s not our place to try and help. Mom is going to be even more upset than she already is if we get involved. We can’t come.” Rosalyn said.

What good was waiting going to do? What if Mommy didn’t come back? What if his friends died? What if Daddy and Aunt Eleanor hurt everybody?

Asher scooped Rosalyn up in his arms and fly right through the wall, ignoring the pain from the broken pieces of wood and Rosalyn’s protests.

They couldn’t just wait. Mommy and the others were in trouble.

Chapter Seven-Winding through the bare trees

“This is a violation of privacy! Put me down you beanstalk! Let me go! Just because you’re the huge, scary monster doesn’t mean that you have the right to pick me up! ASHER JULIAN LAURENCE, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!” Rosalyn screeched.

Asher winced a bit from her shouts, but her voice wasn’t enough to make him stop. In fact, he wished that she would just be quiet so that he would be able to find the way back to their old home.

“Don’t shout. Don’t say my full name, either. Only Mommy can do that. Just be quiet. I know what I’m doing.” Asher said. His wings were flying them back to their old home…back to their old home…he remembered where to go, right?

Rosalyn sighed and said:

“I’m sorry about yelling. But do you really know what you’re doing? It’s been a while since we went to our old house. Are you sure you don’t want to go back home?”

Go back home and wait for Mommy? No. They could do it. They could find her.

“I’m sure. I know what to do.” Asher said.

Rosalyn went quiet. He wasn’t sure if it was because she was finally believing in him or because she was scared, but he didn’t ask.

If he tried hard enough, then they would be okay. He just had to keep flying. He would find the way.

There was always a way out. Always.

Chapter Eight-Home “sweet” home

For a stretched-out period of time, Asher only saw the dried-up brown leaves scattered on the ground and bare trees with branches that twisted all around the air. He doubted himself a little, but he still made his way throughout the woods, following the slim dirt path that was slightly peeking out of the leaves, the path that must have been made by humans for hiking trips and such.

So when he made it back to their old home, his heart did a little leap in his chest. They made it! They made it back! It was morning before, but it was dark when they got there, which meant that nobody would see them! But there was smoke…so much smoke…completely surrounding the house…engulfing it…

“Stay here. I’m going to fix it.” Asher said, setting Rosalyn on the ground.

“You can’t possibly expect me to let you go out and fight them both by yourself!” Rosalyn cried out.

He got them before, though. Couldn’t he get them again?

Chapter Nine-They’ve come back

James was beginning to bleed and shake all over, as though his body was going to burst into pieces any moment. His Mommy and Daddy were going through the same thing, yet they still tried crawling over to James.

Asher turned around abruptly, towards the sound of screams. Behind him was Ryan, covering his face with his hands, bleeding and screaming, bleeding and screaming, bleeding and screaming…his parents were trying to wake Ryan up, but he didn’t move. Not even their magical powers could shake him out of it.

Asher turned back around. There was Mommy, trying to kill Daddy and Aunt Eleanor with her angelic powers. But Daddy didn’t look like a human anymore. He was all blue, and his eyes were covered with an iron blindfold. His black wings were spread out like a cloak that would sweep anyone away. Aunt Eleanor was dressed in her black bridal attire, her face covered by a veil and a mask of bandages.

Asher joined Mommy, pushing down his swirling thoughts of terror, channeling all of his powers within to tear them down…completely destroy them…

He could do it.

Chapter Ten-In a shower of colors

I created this cloud of darkness to cover us. To hide us. It’s no different from James and Ryan using their clouds of light with their parents to cover them from using their magic on this house. Asher, why won’t you join us? Humans aren’t worth it.

It was Daddy talking to him, right through his mind. Daddy was still trying to convince him that he needed to kill humans. That killing humans was the only way to live.

Asher ate animal meat, not the souls of humans. Though it still disturbed him and the animals weren’t as sustaining as how he imagined human souls to be, it was a little bit better than eating souls.

Let my friends go. Let their parents go. Go away.

Daddy didn’t listen. He grinned, revealing a line of blackness, just like Mommy’s smile when she was a ghost.

Me and Aunt Eleanor have come back from our perseverance. We believed we could come back, so we did. You believe in yourself, do you not? So why is it so hard for you to understand that we are the only ones for you? That this world isn’t worth saving. That-

Asher’s terror spiraled out of his claws in the form of twisting black smoke, somehow a shade darker than Daddy’s smoke. It twirled in and combined with Mommy’s bright white angelic light, and together, they made the colors of a rainbow slightly muted down.

His friends were bleeding Mommy was hurt They came back only to hurt more They should never come back again Never ever again no no no

Asher’s smoke, Mommy’s light, and a mixture of neon colors blew up right in their faces as a shower of iridescent silver and neon sparkles. It went off like a firework, taking Daddy and Aunt Eleanor with it.

Asher and Mommy landed on the ground, looking around to see if everyone was okay.

James and Ryan were starting to get up, their parents were hugging them close. His friends and their parents were alive. That was good. He didn’t want to see anybody else he loved die.

But after Daddy’s black smoke began to clear completely, he still couldn’t see Rosalyn. Where was she? Was she okay? Was she hurt? Was-

“I hoped I helped a little.” Rosalyn’s voice said from behind.

Asher and Mommy turned around to look at Rosalyn.

Rosalyn looked just like herself, except there were neon sparks dancing all around her body, sputtering out of her skin…

Did Rosalyn have powers TOO? Did that mean Asher wasn’t the only one? Could they do magic TOGETHER? Asher thought, trying to imagine a life with Rosalyn and magic. It was still a lonely feeling, but better than when he figured out what he truly was.

Mommy rushed over to Rosalyn, frantically asking if she was okay. Rosalyn nodded, not fainting at all.

Asher ran over to join his friends, having had enough of the supernatural that night. He hoped that Daddy and Aunt Eleanor were officially gone, but he couldn’t be sure.

Maybe they’d all be okay after that.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Silvern
Review
Silvern wrote a review · Tue Oct 08, 2024 8:51 pm

Hey vampricone! Here to stop by for a quick review :)

Like Icy mentioned, if this is preceded by a different story, a short recap might be more helpful for an outsider. Even without that background knowledge or context, though, you created an interesting and compelling start to the story with Asher lying awake and haunted by thoughts. The setting fits the mood of the story, too, since old houses create a feeling of dread and eerieness that fit well with the monstrous themes.

In my opinion, the use of chapters here makes everything feel a little disjointed between transitions. Chapters are a good way to divide a novel, but they don't really serve much purpose in a short story, since the average length of a chapter is close to the total word count of this story and it feels odd to consider a group of paragraphs as a chapter. It's an effective way to create a 'cliffhanger' at several points through the story, but I think there's plenty of ways to create tension or surprise throughout the story in ways that don't sacrifice smoother transitions. One of these is tone: you've got some good shifts between childlike wonder and darker themes, and choosing where to create a contrast between them can make some moments more stark or suspenseful than others.

Another thing that might help is looking at pacing. There's a couple moments in here that feel rushed, like Asher's processing when he wakes up after fainting, where the pace could be slowed down to explore his reaction as a character more. His mother is clearly concerned, but he doesn't appear to be that worried about himself, and it makes me wonder why that is. Some more detail on the emotional front would help these moments.

I also had some unanswered questions about the supernatural lore here, and I found it really interesting! Sometimes a little mystery is good, but if you don't want your audience wondering too hard, it can be good to anticipate reader questions about worldbuilding. A couple I had in particular were how is the mother simultaneously an angel and a ghost, where are Rosalyn's powers coming from, and is it really that much of a surprise for her to have magic when her family has clear magical heritage? If any of these (or other questions) are ones you want your readers to have the answer to after reading your story, it might be worth adding a couple more lore details!

I really liked Asher's character in that he seems quite mature, but also is clearly a child with a lot of responsibility weighing on him. I liked this line in particular:

Don’t say my full name, either. Only Mommy can do that.


That definitely feels like a kid speaking to their sibling! The relationship between Asher and Rosalyn in general was really sweet.

Hope some of this was helpful, and wishing you a good day!

- Silver :)

So she%u2019s not a ghost. She was previously a ghost but Asher made her an angel.

Rosalyn%u2019s powers will be explored later on.

Glad you enjoyed!

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IcyFlame
Review

hey vampricone! Icy back for another review on a wet and windy Tuesday!

I'm assuming this one carries on directly from the events in 'Of race cars and demons' so we're in the cabin with Asher's sister and mother? A short recap for those who haven't encountered that story might be a good thing to have upfront as I think those events are pretty crucial to understanding what's going on here!

Asher is for sure a compelling protagonist. I found this in the previous story but I think it's even more clear here because he's seen so much that's changed him. His internal struggles and desire to protect his family make him relatable and sympathetic. The contrast between his monstrous appearance and his innocent, childlike nature adds depth to his character. At times, it was easy to forget how young he was, but the innocent language was a good contrast to all the heavy things he has to go through.

There's definitely a lot of emotional depth here too. The story explores some quite complex emotions like fear, love, guilt, and determination. Asher's concern for his mother and his willingness to sacrifice for her well-being are touching and add emotional weight to the story which makes it easier to connect to.

Some parts of the story move very quickly though, especially during the more action orientated scenes. Slowing down the pace a bit and adding more descriptive details can help build tension and make these moments more impactful.

I'd also like a bit more clarity on Asher's powers and supernatural being. I think because it's not the focus of the story we miss that context a bit and it would help add some more depth.

Hope this was helpful!

Icy

I%u2019m glad you liked this. His story isn%u2019t quite done yet, more is to come. ^v^

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5670 Comment

That is a very interesting post
I enjoyed reading it very
Much
Please write more stories



As if you were on fire from within. The moon lives in the lining of your skin.
— Pablo Neruda