Of nostalgia and nightmares

*This story is under my folder titled “The Laurence family’s deepest woes”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]” or “My character designs<33” if you can’t find them in the other forum. Enjoy!*

Chapter One-Reflection

Asher stared sullenly out the window, tracing a claw along its cracks. He was thirteen years old and still, nothing much had changed. Sure, he was older and his monster form was a little bit bigger than before, but one of his eyes still hadn’t healed and he still lived in a cabin in the middle of the woods. He didn’t even go to school anymore, Mom homeschooled him.

It always hurt to be different, but it never hurt as much as it did for him as a teenager. Ever since that day when he was seven years old, when his family moved into a new town and had a housewarming party, when Mom died…everything changed.

Dad murdered Mom just so he could make Asher take her soul, her energy, because Asher and Dad were demons and needed to feed off of souls. That was what Dad was doing most of his life. Killing people for their souls. Asher had found all of that out when he was seven years old, when he was a little boy, when he was trying to get by as best as he could.

He had become a demon and fought off Dad and Aunt Eleanor, whom Dad wanted to marry and bring with him on his journey with taking souls. Asher had to fight them off, twice.

Sure, they were gone, but he was still in the same place. Still looking out the cracked window into the winding woods.

Nothing really changed.

Chapter Two-“Not” lonely?

“Asher! Your friends are here, come out into the living room!” Rosalyn called out from the hallway.

Asher tore himself away from the window and walked out the door, towards Rosalyn’s voice.

When he got to her, he saw that neon sparks flowed out of her gray skin in an excited manner, zipping and zapping in a way that screeched of sweet cheerfulness. Her white eyes glowed ecstatically, the thin red pupil in one of her eyes glittering just like the pink tears that flowed from her eyes.

Rosalyn was in bright neon colors, but she wasn’t always. Like Asher, she used to be human, but when she was sixteen, she helped Asher defeat Dad and Aunt Eleanor and as a result, her body had twisted and morphed into a demon. Apparently, from what Rosalyn and Mom guessed, Rosalyn was a demon, just like Asher and Dad, who had her powers awakened in a moment of feeling helpless, just like Asher did when he turned.

That explanation didn’t make Asher happy, but it made sense to him. He had turned into a demon right when he was facing Dad and Aunt Eleanor, the fright screaming and screeching within him. He was glad that at twenty-two years old, Rosalyn was still okay. She couldn’t leave, like him, but she was okay.

“Isn’t it nice that your friends came over to hang out with you? You’ll get to go out and do something fun!” Rosalyn beamed.

Asher turned his attention towards the dust-riddled couch, where his friends, James and Ryan sat. Something flickered in him, a feeling of joy upon seeing his friends, who were the same age of him, but the joyous feeling was small. It wasn’t as powerful as when he was little.

“Now get on out of here so I can have the house to myself!” Rosalyn beamed as Ryan and James got up to go outside.

By herself? But what about Mom? Where was she?

“Where’s Mom?” Asher asked, surprised at how tired his own voice sounded.

“Mom decided to take a walk right now. Just go and hang out with your friends, okay?” Rosalyn asked.

Asher noticed something else outside of her sunny demeanor. It was subtle, but he could hear it in her voice. She sounded a little sad, a little strained.

It felt like she was asking him to “go hang out with friends” as though he were a child who still wanted to play video games, which bothered him a little, because he wasn’t a child, but he didn’t say anything about it. He didn’t want to make Rosalyn upset.

So without another word, he went outside and joined his friends.

Chapter Three-There, but not really

Asher sat on a log, watching his friends practice their magic. That was what they wanted to do. Practice their magic. They didn’t actually want to hang out with him, they wanted to work on their “witch magic”.

They said that he could practice controlling his powers with them, but he didn’t want to. All he knew was that his powers were capable of great damage. He knew that when he fought Dad and Aunt Eleanor. He used those powers for good, so he didn’t want to risk hurting his friends even though he was only practicing.

Asher thought that it was a reasonable enough choice to make as he sat on the log, watching his friends grow flowers from the ground, make the fallen tree trunks stand up, all in all, making the woods look nicer.

Because what would Asher do but bring everything down? Who was to say that he wasn’t like Dad just because he didn’t kill any innocent people? It was easier to push back the unpleasant thoughts when he was younger because he believed wholeheartedly back then that everything would be okay be if he just kept trying, trying and trying, but how much longer could he try before he broke? What if Mom was wrong about him? What if-

Mom.

Chapter Four-Lies of love

How did someone like his Mom ended up with someone like his Dad? It was something that Asher didn’t stop to think about when he was younger, but with sitting on the log, he could have more time to wonder.

It wasn’t like his friends would notice anything out of the ordinary, anyway. To them, Asher was just sitting down, thinking. Asher physically being present was enough for them because they didn’t think about what was going on in his head, what-

Asher was standing in a school hallway. Kids his age, maybe a little bit older, were walking to and fro, all amongst their own group of friends, all connected in some way or another.

He watched a girl with long, brown hair who had a black streak in it dressed in black and gray clothes that screamed the vibes of “silver spikes” walk right past him. A jolt of familiarity sparked inside of him once he saw her violet eyes, the eyes that he had, that he saw in pictures before.

It was Mom when she was a teenager.

Mom was headed towards her locker, Aunt Eleanor by her side, dressed in bright pastel colors, but her face had a morose note to it while Mom seemed to be glittering with happiness from the little smile on her face. Even though there were people rudely staring at her, Mom paid them no mind as she walked on.

Asher remembered Mom telling him that people didn’t like her because of how she dressed and acted, because she was different. She said that people didn’t like her, but that she reminded herself that there was always love and that was enough for her to get by.

If only love could keep her alive.

“Tyler, meet my sister, Kelly. Kelly, meet Tyler. He’s the guy I made friends with a few days ago! He’s so smart and cool that you just HAD to meet him and…”

Asher had tuned Eleanor out. In that moment, Eleanor’s face seemed to be glowing more as she introduced Mom-Kelly-to the boy standing next to her with scraggly black hair and gray eyes. He was dressed in clothes that didn’t have any unique quality to it, just an ordinary, boring style, but still, his face…there was something in his eyes that made Asher a little nervous, that made him wonder if Tyler was going to do something that would frighten the girls, that would drive them to madness.

Kelly and Tyler seemed to be getting along well, but the small smile on Eleanor’s face faded slowly, so slowly that no one would notice it if they weren’t paying attention hard enough…

The school began to fade and was replaced with more and more moments of Kelly and Tyler spending time together, growing closer and closer to one another. They spent time at school and at parks and at Kelly’s house. Never Tyler’s house, Asher never saw Tyler’s family. Occasionally, Eleanor would be there with them, but she’d seem to desperately try to get into the conversation, to sound as gleeful as possible, trying to conceal whatever sour moods were reflecting on her face.

Finally, all the moments melded together into a wedding at a church, a wedding of which Kelly and Tyler got married, a wedding that everyone watched with tearful eyes, Eleanor especially, who seemed to be crying so hard she was blowing her nose, the wet, thick sound greatly disgusting Asher.

The church wedding faded out like the old movies Asher would see in museums that his parents used to take him to, museums about things that were loved once, a long time ago, but were looked at as outdated. Relics. Worthless.

He saw Tyler drive away with Kelly in the passenger seat, with Kelly waving to everyone standing outside the church who was waving back at them. The sun was setting into a pink-orange splash of colors, the air was crisp and clear…

As they drove farther, Tyler turned towards Kelly, his mouth set into a smile, only, his teeth were sharpened, jagged points, like the pencils he left too long in pencil sharpeners at school, when he used to go there. Tyler was smiling just like that at Kelly and then, he raised one hand towards her face, one hand which curled and morphed into a black claw and…and…

“Your happiness would be perfect to use as energy, but…you’ll have to give me a son. A son who can rule with me. You’ll understand later.” Tyler grinned, his claw cupping her chin.

Kelly’s eyes grew wide with fright-riddled confusion, Asher tried to reach out, to stop whatever unsightly thing was going to happen…

“Asher?! Are you okay?!”

Chapter Five-Fly high, go nowhere

Asher blinked. No longer was he in the past (at least, that was where he thought he was), but looking at his friends, who were staring at him with wide, concerned eyes.

“I’m fine.” Asher said, unsure why they were staring at him. He was just thinking and then somehow slipped into a past memory or an illusion. He couldn’t tell. He just knew that nothing happened to him physically, so why would they be worried?

“Fine? Fine? You were hugging yourself and kept repeating “Stop lying” like you were pleading for your life. How can you just tell us that you’re “fine”?” James asked, his eyebrows creasing over his green eyes. He was looking at him like Mom and Rosalyn looked at him when he first turned, like he was going to break away at any second.

“I was just thinking and then I saw the past. I think, I don’t know. I just know that I saw when my Mom met my Dad and that my Dad married her because he wanted to take her happiness, but my Aunt Eleanor had a crush on him…do you ever wonder why this is all happening to us? Like, right now I’m wondering why I even saw that memory when I can’t do anything about it. I’m upset for my Mom, but-“

Asher found that he couldn’t find any suitable words that he wanted to say. In the midst of what felt like quiet sadness, he felt a violent, prickling rage within him. He didn’t like that Mom had ended up with Dad, but why Asher? Why did Asher have to see what happened to Mom? Was there something he was supposed to do? Did he owe her something?

Asher got up from the log, put one foot in front of the other, making sure he put enough force into it and then, he flew off into the sky.

Why was it all his responsibility?

Chapter Six-Poor Mom

The cool air billowing around him as he flew did little to make him feel better. If anything, it made him feel worse, because the cold reminded Asher that he was awake, that he was living out a reality, that it wasn’t a nightmare.

Why would he have that glimpse into the past? Did Mom send him there to show him what happened? For what reason? So he could understand better? Was she doing the same to Rosalyn? Was she the one giving him the memories? Asher had no idea. All he knew was that Dad was attracted to Mom’s positive energy and that he wanted to use her to sustain him, but not before she had a son! No, that much was apparent from the interactions Asher had with Dad, from the memories that were flickering in his mind as he flew. He could see the sky in front of him, but in his mind, he saw Mom and Dad starting out their lives, having a daughter, Dad wanting a son because he thought a son would be more fit to steal souls with him than a daughter, Mom being unable to say anything, because who would believe her?

The memories then came distorted with his own and Mom’s. It was right when she was killed. His own memory was the TV atop of her splayed, twisted body, blood pooling out, but Mom’s…

A blue, hulking creature with red eyes that dripped black liquid smiled down at her. It had no teeth, its mouth was completely black, like a child’s drawing of someone with an open mouth, a child that couldn’t bother to draw teeth.

Or at least, that was what it looked like at first. It rushed towards her, its black, feathery wings spread out as though he wanted to engulf her and then, Asher could see the teeth, the teeth that Dad had right after he married Mom, the teeth that tore apart her flesh until there was nothing left, until it decided that it would pull the TV from the wall and throw it on top of her body…

Asher caught his breath. He didn’t know how, but he felt that the memory of Dad in the demon form, the demon form that Asher had seen before, eating human flesh was Mom’s memory. He recognized the living room that the memory took place in and there was an air of it being Mom who was attacked, a sense that Mom was the one being eaten. He saw it all through Mom’s eyes…

In his mind, he could see Dad visiting Aunt Eleanor outside the house, telling her that he only married and had kids with Mom because she would make him longer, her positivity would help more and that Aunt Eleanor was strong enough to rule with him, to be with him. Of course Aunt Eleanor believed it all, but Asher got a sense that Dad was lying again, that he wanted to take Aunt Eleanor’s energy just like he did with Mom. Did different energies have different flavors? Was it all just like picking out ice cream for Dad?

The force behind his wings dwindled down into nothing. Asher tried his best to keep on flying, but all of his thoughts and Mom’s thoughts were crashing down all around him, pushing him away further…further…

Did it ever truly get better?

Chapter Seven-So many questions but not enough answers

Asher fell on scattered leaves, but it didn’t hurt. Why would it hurt? He was in his true, towering demon form. It took a lot for things to physically hurt him.

But deep down, he still felt like a terrified, addled little human boy who was trying his best to make things right, to fix it all, to make everyone happy. Asher saved everyone, but everyone was still trapped. What good would his “saving” do? Mom’s pain was something that ran deep in her veins and couldn’t be cured, so how much could he really do? How could he do anything to help? Could he do anything to help?

He was thinking far too much, so much so that his tongue was beginning to bleed from his teeth pressing down deep.

Chapter Eight-Sweet scent

If he couldn’t save Mom, then what was the point? He couldn’t go to school, he couldn’t live a normal life…wouldn’t it be easier if he just lived as a demon? Like he was supposed to? What if he tasted human flesh? Just a little bit? What if he became a monster? What if-

Asher could smell someone bleeding from far away. A human, bleeding out profusely. A human who was lost, who had fallen, who was shaken to their core…

Asher felt like that before, but he didn’t need to feel like that anymore. Maybe, if he followed the scent of blood, he could find the human and tear them apart, so they wouldn’t have to feel anything anymore, so that he would have purpose, so that he would be able to eat something truly sweet, in a way that candy wasn’t, finally, for once.

He got up from the ground, renewed in that moment.

He didn’t have to run from his truth. Running did him no good. Running didn’t help.

He’d finally get what he wanted.

Chapter Nine-Mom cares

Asher flew without faltering, the scent of blood growing stronger and stronger every second that passed by. He did eat animals for his cravings, but there was a certain speckle of scent patterns in it that made him know it was human, that had a delectable candy quality to it. He wasn’t allowed to live like a human, so why should he try to live like one further? Why keep on suffering? Why not drown that all out in gore? Fine gore that made the blood glitter and gleam like Mom’s jewelry, like the sun, like-

“I had to get outside for some fresh air. It can be a little suffocating to be in that cabin, right?” Mom asked.

Asher heard her voice, but he didn’t stop. He had been distracted by her long enough. Dad was a monster and so was Asher, so why did Mom even try to keep him human? Wouldn’t he always have that grim, bloody future?

“That’s why I went out for a walk. Asher, I bet you miss school. You miss the feeling of normalcy. No, I don’t bet. I know you do. I knew for a long time.” Mom said to him, her voice shaking slightly as though she were on the verge of tears.

At that, Asher stopped. If Mom “always knew” like she said that she did, then why wouldn’t she take him to school? Why wouldn’t he get a normal life?

“But you were so young when you started to change. You didn’t yet know how to keep a human form. You wouldn’t be able to, it would take too much energy. I wanted to keep you from that demon life as much as possible until the time came when you would have to know, bit by bit, but goodness…I didn’t realize that it would happen so soon. I sent you my memories earlier because I want you to understand how much it hurt me. I told Rosalyn already, a long time ago. I knew it’d be too much for you when you were younger, so I showed you now. You learn best through visualization. I know that you hate this life, but before you follow that scent of blood, I want you to think about what Dad did to me. About the kind of person Aunt Eleanor was for loving me. I want you to think about it and try your best to not be like him.” Mom said, her desperate voice looping into nearly a whisper.

Asher stopped. He turned around and faced Mom, with blood pooling out of her face and onto her clothes, the clothes that were vintage, for she liked dressing in an old-fashioned style. Her wings were wide and ragged, stained with spilled, scattered blood.

She was both ethereal and destroyed, a beauty and a nightmare. He hated that she was there, telling him that he’d understand where she was coming from better by showing him grim memories that he wished would stay dead, but he also thought that maybe, she was right. He wouldn’t have gotten it entirely from a talk, he was somebody who had to feel the truth of matters, but what did she mean about “being human”?

“You have the energy within you to do so.” Mom beamed.

Chapter Ten-Never entirely lost

The energy? Did that mean that he had the strength to give himself a human form? Was that what it meant?

It was a slim chance, but Asher wanted to take it anyway. Following the scent of blood sounded easier, but there was a sense of horror in doing what Dad did, in hurting people like Dad did.

The pink-orange sky that he had seen from the cabin window earlier that day faded into a light robin-egg blue, the sun shining brightly just like it did when he was younger, when everything seemed more vivid, when everything seemed more possible. It reminded him of getting ice cream with family, the sweetness not only in the ice cream but in the smiles shared. It reminded him of nights where he played video games with James and Ryan, the flashing, vibrant colors on the screen making the three of them feel as though they were all in a world that had carefree adventures, adventures without all of the prices to be paid.

Staring at the sky reminded Asher of the mornings he’d wake up to go to school, the school days he would dread for the work, but he excited about hanging out with friends.

Asher found that he was in a human form, but not quite. He still had the black-gray claws that could rip a head off. He still felt the raggedy wings weighing on his back. He still felt the speckle of scales on his face from his demon body.

His clothes were dark and had the essence of a cemetery and crows, just like how Mom dressed when she was a teen.

He had human skin, human hair and he was a human height, but there were still demonic parts of him that stayed. Would they ever go away? Would he ever truly be human?

“You’ll find it in you to get a full human form one day.” Mom said with a smile.

Asher turned around and flew away, towards the scent of blood, just like he did before, but not for the same reason. He didn’t want to speak to Mom at the moment. He didn’t know how she could keep smiling with the situation they were in. He’d very much rather prefer that she talk to him than show him through images and tell him “everything will be okay”. Asher was older, he could handle more things.

Besides, he never saw Rosalyn try to become human. Wasn’t she older? Wouldn’t she be able to handle it more? Would he even stay partly human for long?

Asher was following the scent of blood to save a lost soul. To save someone who might have needed help.

Maybe if he saved someone, he’d feel better.

……………………………………………………………….

After much flying, he had finally found the source of the blood: A young girl who looked to be around his age with long, blond hair and brown eyes so dark that they looked black, the top half of her body sticking from the tangle of roots in the ground.

She was trying to push herself out of it, to no avail. Asher didn’t understand how she could still be alive when she was stuck amongst the roots. He didn’t even know how she got herself stuck in the first.

But he wouldn’t leave her there to starve, to be nibbled away by animals, for most people didn’t deserve a fate like that.

Asher flew towards her and landed right behind her. He then grabbed the bottom of her shoulders and as hard as he could, pulled her out of the roots.

It only took a few seconds for Asher to pull her out, for he had enough strength in him to do so. Once he did, the girl turned around to look at him, surprised, but not scared. Her hands hovered over her bleeding waist, which was beginning to heal itself, the blood flowing back inside of her body in a span of a few seconds.

“What’s your name? What are you doing here?” The girl asked, her eyes wide as though they would engulf him. Her voice was wispy and wind chime-like, what he imagined faeries to sound like when he was little.

“I could ask you the same thing. Also, how did you get stuck in a pile of roots?” Asher asked, awed that she had gotten stuck in the roots but was also able to heal herself. Who was she? How had she ended up in the woods?

“I tripped and fell. You’re not going to ask me about how I healed myself?” The girl asked, swinging both of her arms as though she was bored.

“You’re not going to ask me about my appearance?” Asher asked, unable to suppress the small laugh in his voice. He couldn’t help it! She was completely fine after being in such an uncomfortable and unusual state! It was hilarious! It was amusing! It…it was so different from him, from how he stewed in his own ugly feelings and cried far too much.

Maybe she was like that too. He didn’t know. He had just met her. Maybe she was like him.

“Well, you’re a demon. That’s why you look the way you do, isn’t it? I’m not going to ask you to elaborate on that. I’m a witch, that’s why I was able to heal myself.” The girl grinned, as though she were enjoying the moment they were having together.

Asher found himself enjoying the moment a little bit too. She wasn’t frightened of him and she seemed to be understanding him a bit. Her big, dark brown eyes seemed to be dancing, her long, blond hair flowed around her like a Princess’ hair would. Her clothes were of a soft pastel color, just like his childhood drawings. He loved to color when he was little.

Sure, there were knots in her hair and dirt on her clothes, but there was something about her that radiated joyfulness and positivity, that couldn’t be marred by anything, physically or emotionally, he imagined.

“Yes, I am a demon. You got that correct. I live in a cabin here, in these woods. It’s a little further from where we are standing. I’m Asher. I was just going out for some fresh air. What about you? What’s your name? Do you have a good enough excuse to be out here?” Asher asked, hoping that his smile wasn’t creeping her out. She seemed okay, he just didn’t want to destroy the seconds of peace they were having together.

The girl’s demeanor shifted in mere seconds. She stopped moving her arms and huddled herself together, like she wanted to melt into her own body. Asher wondered if he prodded too much and then-

“I’m Paige. I was asleep in my room one night and I woke up here. I think it happened a few days ago, but…I don’t know. I haven’t been keeping track of time well. I’m just trying to find my family. I don’t even know how I got here!” Paige cried out, her brown eyes becoming wide with terror.

She had been cast off into the woods without any idea of what was going on, just like how Asher was thrown into supernatural business so suddenly, so quickly. All she wanted was to find her family, to come back to her home, but how could she do it all by herself? What if she got lost again? What if she got hurt and Asher wasn’t around to help? Sure, she was a witch, but nobody was perfect. There was always a chance for someone to get harmed.

“I’ll help you find your family.” Asher said.

At that, Paige laughed, her laughter grating a bit on the edges like shiny, silver metal that was rusting away into nothingness.

“How? You don’t know what my family looks like. How would you know it’s my family? Also, don’t you have a family out here? Wouldn’t you want to go back to them?” Paige asked, a hopeful edge to her worried voice.

She wanted him to help, but didn’t think it would be worth it. That hopeful edge in her voice gave it away. Who wouldn’t help? Who wouldn’t want to feel like they weren’t alone?

“I can always find my way back to my family. Besides, I’ll know it’s your family from how you react to them. Don’t you think that it’s better if we work together, as a team?” Asher asked.

Paige paused, as though she were considering what he said. Asher thought back to the hunger he felt initially, the desire to eat human flesh and how he thought that it would be easier if he did so.

Easier? Easier? No, that was just giving up. Seeing Paige standing right before him, scared but alive, was a much easier thing to do than kill her. Why, the guilt he’d have would have haunted him forever!

“Alright. I guess it wouldn’t be too bad to have your help. Just please, don’t break my trust. Okay?” Paige asked, her words sounding like a plea.

She was asking something innocent, but Asher could hear an underlying anger in her voice that seemed to say: I’ll make you pay if you hurt me. It was something that Asher understood, because people who wanted to trust, who wanted to give their heart out, were the ones who got the most taken advantage of. Paige probably wanted to completely trust him, but still had that flicker of wariness in her, the wariness that protected her.

Just like how Asher wanted to trust that when Mom said everything would be okay, it would.

“Okay. I won’t, I promise.” Asher said, meaning every word he said. He was going to show her that there was nothing to fear with him, that he only had good intentions, that he would always have good intentions, no matter what.

“Okay.” Paige smiled softly.

As the two of them walked on, Asher hoped that they’d find her family, that Paige would be happy and that it wouldn’t be the last time he would see her again.

Because just talking with her, he felt a little less lost.