I prowl the night
Waiting.
I am not cruelty;
I am not greed.
I am just death.
I do not take
What is not mine.
I do not cause hurt
For my pleasure.
I caress shaking hands,
Wipe a tear
From a pale cheek,
Sing a soft lullaby
In the ear of a lost babe.
I carry you softly
On a bed of clouds
And leave you
In peace.
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140,565 Literary Works • 673,441 Reviews
That was no doubt an interesting poem to write on death.
I think it would have done without the word 'just'.
I would have preffered a comma after you.So that there can be a pause...
The bits in pink I really think you ought to change???
What can I say; you know I'm a fan!
I tend to agree with my esteemed colleages (^ them) on those three lines, and just one more small thing:
how about "I do not hurt"? better syllable structure, I think. see you darling!
I love the rhythm this poem has, the line breaks are very well done. I would suggest changing these few lines,
I am not cruelty;
I am not greed.
I am just death.
they are, as Dargquon Ql'deleodna said, a bit repetitive. The line "I am just death" seems bluntly obvious. It would add interest to the poem if you didn't state the fact that you were talking about death so openly, if you left it as a hanging question for the reader to fill in. Just my ideas. This is very good, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Nice job!
cx
I prowl the night
Waiting.
I am not cruelty;
I am not greed.
I am just death.
I do not take
What is not mine.
I do not cause hurt
For my pleasure.
I caress shaking hands,
Wipe a tear
From a pale cheek,
Sing a soft lullaby
In the ear of a lost babe. (nice line)
I carry you softly
On a bed of clouds
And leave you
In peace.
Interesting poem, the first few lines are just you listing things you aren't. It seems a bit too repetitive with all the 'I', i suggest taking them out and just change the beginning word a bit such as 'Caressing shaking hands' or 'What i am is not cruelty nor greed, for death is my calling...' or something of the sort. The last few lines were well written.
Nice poem, room for improvement but nice.