Five dollars for an opening line,
Ten for a whole story.
Pay me up front,
I’ve had too many fall through.
Pick your genre,
Cliches are an extra dollar,
Sci-fi is a dime a dozen,
But you’ve got to sort through it all.
I don’t like the ones who peruse,
Just choose already,
It’s not like you can’t come back,
I’m always open.
Sorry, I don’t sell conclusions,
Too complicated,
And character development
Is expensive even in retail.
I have a whole isle
Full of failures,
Ten for two dollars,
Try your luck.
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140,566 Literary Works • 673,441 Reviews
I really liked it. The only complaint that I have is that the beat seemed a little clumsy. Even without a coherent rhyme scheme, I found the poem intriguing and eye catching. Again, I liked it.
This poem is awesome. Very nice metaphors, I really liked it. Also, like they said, the flow could use a boost. Just take out a couple of words here or there, add a few, and it will work better. BRAVO!!!
p.s. Lillizard wuz here
I liked this as well! You've impressed me....this may be the best thing you have posted yet!
I also second, or third, or fourth....the flow issue. But I guess I don't need to tell you that anymore haha.
Great Job!
Meg
I loved this, actually
The images invoked are intriguing and just vague enough to make me want to read more, but not so vague as I think WTH?? So kudos! However, I do agree that the flow needs to be sorted; it's a bit....jerky and abrupt right now. Perhaps reading out loud and tapping out the beat or something might help you get the rhythm more regular. Otherwise, a nice piece.
Cheers,
~bubbles
why's it rated g???
I liked it, just made me giggle and relate to it at the same time.
Lexy xxx
Rated G.
Strangely enough, I did like this.
Just read it out loud and try to smooth it further. It should turn out okay. Also, come up with a better title. The one you have is strange and doesn't catch.
...maybe something that has to do with reading or libraries? "The Book Shop?"
Play with it a little... it'll come to you.
heehee!
I like it. I want to write a story, now, about this kind of a store...it's really cool! I'd say intelligent things about flow and clarity and such, but I know nothing about poetry. *shrugs*
inspired by Roald Dahl's grammatizator?
i found it hard to get too. the flow needs to be worked upon. and be abit more clear.