Young Writers Society

I really liked it. The only complaint that I have is that the beat seemed a little clumsy. Even without a coherent rhyme scheme, I found the poem intriguing and eye catching. Again, I liked it.

This poem is awesome. Very nice metaphors, I really liked it. Also, like they said, the flow could use a boost. Just take out a couple of words here or there, add a few, and it will work better. BRAVO!!!

p.s. Lillizard wuz here

I liked this as well! You've impressed me....this may be the best thing you have posted yet!

I also second, or third, or fourth....the flow issue. But I guess I don't need to tell you that anymore haha.

Great Job!
Meg

I loved this, actually The images invoked are intriguing and just vague enough to make me want to read more, but not so vague as I think WTH?? So kudos! However, I do agree that the flow needs to be sorted; it's a bit....jerky and abrupt right now. Perhaps reading out loud and tapping out the beat or something might help you get the rhythm more regular. Otherwise, a nice piece.

Cheers,
~bubbles

why's it rated g???
I liked it, just made me giggle and relate to it at the same time.
Lexy xxx

Rated G.

Strangely enough, I did like this. Just read it out loud and try to smooth it further. It should turn out okay. Also, come up with a better title. The one you have is strange and doesn't catch.

...maybe something that has to do with reading or libraries? "The Book Shop?"

Play with it a little... it'll come to you.

heehee!

I like it. I want to write a story, now, about this kind of a store...it's really cool! I'd say intelligent things about flow and clarity and such, but I know nothing about poetry. *shrugs*

inspired by Roald Dahl's grammatizator?

i found it hard to get too. the flow needs to be worked upon. and be abit more clear.