A mother's dream

by carelessaussie13

Published September 29, 2007

In Poetry

Softly lullaby
Sweet child sleeps like pearly dawn
Memories will fade.

Comments & reviews · 6
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Gadi.
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Gadi. commented Comment · Oct 1, 2007

I too like this. I noticed it was a haiku from the first time I looked at it. I especially liked the pearly dawn comparison. Memories fade was interesting too.

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sarahcrosbeh
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sarahcrosbeh commented Comment · Sep 30, 2007

Wow, i like this. Nice. :)

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logosgal
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logosgal wrote a review Review · Sep 30, 2007

I like it. It's very peaceful. I'm not really big on Haiku usually (I guess in general I favor rhyming poetry), but this is really nice. I can almost see the mother rocking her baby to sleep. As I said, very peaceful.

...That was probably the least helpful crit I have ever written. :oops: Sorry.

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Wesley
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Wesley commented Comment · Sep 30, 2007

Oh wait it is Haiku I didn't read the subline oh lol! It is still awesome I am not very good at Haiku. Awesome job! :)

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Wesley
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Wesley commented Comment · Sep 30, 2007

It sounds like Haiku!:) lol But it is sweet reminds one of a mother watching her baby sleep and thinking of how memories like this will soon be forgotten. All in three lines pretty good. I really like it.

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GingerLizzy
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GingerLizzy wrote a review Review · Sep 29, 2007

Wow..

Nice but seriously - how short? You need to beef it up a little and give the reader more information and imagery. This was nice but it started and ended within seconds and although that works sometimes - it didn't here.

Even if you just use three or four more lines extra, it would be a nicer end to it because the reader would have more material to work with.



True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to be who you are.
— Brené Brown