A storm is brewing,
Far out in the waters.
I feel the wind blowing hair
From my face, numb with cold,
And even the water,
Swelling about my knees,
seems colder and less inviting.
I trudge back to shore,
Feeling the sand on my toes,
closing my jacket around me,
Waiting for the storm.
It comes!
See the crash of waves
pelting the shore,
Hear the deafening boom
Of surf on sand,
Smell the salty ocean,
Taste the very texture of the storm,
Lean into the wind,
it will support you.
Let the rain soak you,
Surrender to the storm,
Run into the waves,
Ride them out, let them carry you
Up and down, turmoil rushing
Far from the shore,
Where you and the storm
Are the same.
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140,565 Literary Works • 673,441 Reviews
Its a nice piece of work but somewhere you seemed to be confused.
Keep writing and posting itin here.
Good try!:)
Hmm. It's not much that's new or brilliant, but it's well-constructed and flows nicely.
Is the title "A storm is Brewing"? If it is, I would suggest changing it to something that isn't said in the first line.
The capitalization at the beginning of the lines is really random. Go through and uncap all the things that wouldn't make sense if you put all these lines together with no line breaks.
The phrases don't really form sentences, and you've just kind of mushed them all together with commas. Here...my changes are in red:
Just one more thing:
I would nix the "very". If you take it out, it would read "Taste the texture" and that sounds cool.
Colleen
I like it. I doesn't seem to have a deeper meaning, but it's clear that you put a lot of time into this.