Slip of the Pen

by biancarayne

Published October 18, 2007

In Poetry

A slip of the pen and you know me-
frontward and sideways,
an amoeba submerged in a glacial metal sky,
beneath the moon’s telescopic eye.

Raising hands, I break the surface,
break out, break the light
into a million granules;
they sink into my pores so I am
peeled like an onion,
dropped on the linoleum tiles,

into chutes lined up,
bullets poised to rip through
heaven’s fabric.

Split my atoms, send me
spinning away from my nucleus;
negative charges reverberate through
empty spaces
in my mind, sends me
reeling, as though from too much wine,

I succumb to gravity,
fall into myself, away from the orbit
of the telescopic eye that
knew me too well.

Comments & reviews · 5
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biancarayne
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biancarayne commented Comment · Oct 31, 2007

a new draft of this is up now!!

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biancarayne
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biancarayne commented Comment · Oct 20, 2007

thank you both so much for your comments!!

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Doctor Kitty
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Doctor Kitty commented Comment · Oct 18, 2007

I love the imagery in the last four stanzas, but the third line in the first stanza didn't feel right to me.

The "breaking the light" was great, as well.

This poem is all over the place, but in an enjoyable sense.

elephantwalrus wrote a review Review · Oct 18, 2007

Whoa, I realy enjoyed this! Your imagery was fantastic! My only criticism is the changing verb tense in the last stanza. I don't know if "knew" should be "knows;" has the separation happened, or is it happening now? Maybe it's just me, but I think that you should clarify this time a little better.

I'm so blown away by this poem! Merry writing!



I see no reason to celebrate the random timing of natural events by eating poison and singing.
— Dilbert