Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.
TW: r@pists, p3dophilia, nasty, mean men and nasty, mean women. This does not speak for all men or all women, just the men and women who are cruel like this.
.
there will always be
sickening men to walk this earth.
there will always be men
who think they're entitled to a look at what's underneath your underwear,
yet sneer in disgust if they find hair where it's natural
or blood when it's that time of the month
and women only naturally bleed there because men weren't made to suffer as we do.
there will always be men
who take what they want when they're drunk
and do the same when sober,
because that's the kind of men-worshipping world that we live in.
there will always be men
who look at 13-year-old girls barely out of their training bras
and think of what it would be like to f*** them.
there will always be men
who believe that they are good despite their atrocities,
and are given so much despite the fact that they
take and take and take
every chance they get.
and they say women are lucky.
there will always be
sickening women to walk this earth.
there will always be women
who think they deserve to speak nastily of others
simply due to their social status, clothing, personality, or wealth.
there will always be women
who take down other women
and ignore the sisterhood
because they prefer to be safe and well-loved
by the nasty people whose respect they covet.
there will always be women
who think their bodies determine their worth
and their ability to
destroy the confidence of kind people
determines their respectability.
there will always be women
who simultaneously drag themselves through the dirt
and put themselves on a pedestal
because that is what is expected of them.
and they say men are lucky.
no, i say this is lucky:
that there will also always be men who understand the atrocities other men commit
and work hard to ensure others of their gender
treat women with the respect they'd treat any man.
it's lucky that there will also always be
communities of women who support each other
and help the young ones
buckling under the burden
of the womanhood their society expects of them
by shouldering and sharing the weight, and
teaching the girls-growing-into-women
how to steadily and stealthily ensure
that the men carry their load and
do their part (which men avoid so well).
i say those of us-
men and women both, with kindness
flowing through our bloodstreams-
are lucky that we
don't have it in ourselves
to be this type of
scum-sucking, self-sure, entitled cruelty
that we've come to expect from
people who expect to get their way.
how lucky can we really be
when everyone is constantly bemoaning
their unluckiness?
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hey avimoon! I noticed your poem’s been in the Green Room for a while, so I thought I’d give it a review.
My initial reaction reading the first stanza was: “Oh god, this imagery is really viscerally uncomfortable”, which I think means your poem is working well since that *is* a viscerally uncomfortable topic. I think your reflections seem to go around the themes of not just r@pists but also patriarchal structures in society and what some might call r@pe culture. I noticed the stanza about women was very different in content compared to the stanza about men and was aimed more at women who support or are complicit with patriarchal structures and gender-based violence, and not really being about women who, I guess, do the violent acts themselves (acknowledging that being complicit can also be understood as a form of violence). Where the men “take and take and take”, the women criticized seem to be criticized for more 'bloodless' (with scare quotes) social violence, like ‘taking down’ other women (verbally rather than physically?), and for reinforcing bad social norms “simultaneously drag themselves through the dirt/ and put themselves on a pedestal” which then affects other women. I was wondering is that the intended focus and perspective of the poem?
A part of the poem I thought was particularly insightful was:
I like how you highlight that there are contradictions in societal expectations for women. The line breaks here are well-placed, as they highlight the contrast between “drag themselves through the dirt” and “put themselves on a pedestal” and sort of showcase how contradictory it all is. These lines also add nuance to the stanza by addressing what these women do to themselves that also reinforces gender hierarchy alongside with what they do to others. Again, I think that makes the stanza about women quite different from the one about men.
I felt unsure about how the ending connected to the rest of the poem. I can see that the idea of being “lucky” is played with, but I’m left wondering who the “we” and the “everyone” are here. I feel like I needed a bit more context to get it.
Another thing to think about might be these lines:
I thought this was interesting and kind of wanted to see it expanded on. What exactly are the strategies described here? I’m presuming it’s not calling men out directly since it’s described as “stealthy”.
Lastly, another part I liked in this poem was:
I can imagine this part being in a slam poem, somehow. The last line sort of adds a cutting edge to the whole stanza and also sets up how the speaker redefines luck in the third stanza. I also appreciate the contrast in verbs: the first two lines involve more passive verbs like “believe that” which just describes a mental state and “are given” which implies a lack of activity on the men’s part - but “take and take and take” is a repetition of an active verb, and so is “say”, which portrays these men as doing things actively (which are bad). I think this contrast helps convey the criticism by painting the situation as ironic and hypocritical.
Overall, I think you’ve successfully highlighted plenty of hypocrisies and contradictions in this piece. It kind of feels like it could be a protest poem, but also could be a personal perspective poem depending on how the last two stanzas are read: like is the last stanza a call to action or an observation on how bleak the situation is? So my main feedback if you’re thinking of revising this would be to consider what the takeaway for the reader might be. Otherwise, I think you’ve got a lot of good, nuanced lines in there and structuring the poem around the different kinds of people (oppressors/ violent actors, people who are complicit, people who actively resist) is a solid idea.
Hope this helps, and keep writing!
-Lim
Wow! avi you touched a really tough topic for anyone to talk about. Yet somehow you made a touchy topic... well touchable. R@pist and p3dophilies are indeed nasty. I've came into contact with both in my life and it's something you never get over. You cant shake the memory of anything that the monster had over you. I like how you touched the fact that it can be women as well because although I hate to say it: Women do as much damage as men do. Anyways avi I just want to thank you for touching this topic.
Love,
oc3an