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numb

by avimoon


sometimes, i don't feel
blessed to exist.
i'm scared to tell
the people i love
that it's not them, it's me.
i'm feeling so numb
and done,
a combination of
old news and new fads,
a flicker of time easily erased.

eva cassidy plays in my head,
and laufey chimes in to join her.
"time after time" erases my "suitcase of memories"
and "bored" laments how "bored of this life" i am.
it's not that i'm bored of the people and the sensations.
(heavens no, how could i ever be?)
it's that i'm scared
of the numbness that spreads through my soul
and affects my eyes but not my bones,
my mind but not my muscles,
my heart but not my love.

it's not a suicidal thought, really.
it's a thought of belonging,
of yearning,
of begging,
and of burning.
i might as well go up in flames.
at least i'll be able to feel the pain.

feeling
is a neverending
torture.

to be numb
is to be blessed
without feeling blessed.
to be numb
is to be blessed
and make it out to be a curse.

so i'll keep wallowing and waiting
for my energy to return.
i'll try to put on my brave, happy face
until i don't have to pretend anymore.
i'll try
and i'll try
and i'll try
and i'll try,
and i'll wait
to feel like myself
again. 


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9 Reviews

Points: 95
Reviews: 9

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Thu Nov 14, 2024 12:51 pm
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Ecl1pt1c says...



This poem, sometimes, i don't feel blessed to exist, powerfully articulates the emotional dissonance and inner conflict that arises from experiencing numbness, isolation, and the exhaustion of living with emotional inertia. The speaker navigates a landscape where feelings seem to exist in a state of limbo—neither fully alive nor completely disconnected. Through its raw honesty and relatable vulnerability, the poem offers an intimate exploration of mental health, the difficulty of expressing emotional struggles, and the persistent hope for a return to one's truest self. The poem's structure is reflective of the fragmented, overwhelming nature of the speaker’s emotions. It is written in free verse, with short lines and stanzas that mirror the internal disarray and sense of disconnection the speaker feels. The lack of consistent punctuation and line breaks creates a sense of breathlessness and emotional fluctuation, as if the speaker is caught in a cycle of self-reflection and confusion. The informal, almost conversational tone—marked by the use of lower case letters and colloquial phrases—makes the poem feel like a direct address, drawing the reader into a private, unfiltered moment of vulnerability.

The poem builds slowly through repetition, particularly in the line “i'll try / and i'll try / and i'll try,” which emphasizes the exhaustion that comes with the effort to keep pushing through emotional numbness. This repeated phrasing is not only a marker of persistence, but also hints at the speaker's frustration with their own inability to break free from this emotional cycle. The repetition, while seemingly simple, becomes a poignant reflection of the cyclical nature of depression, numbness, and yearning for change. The tone of the poem is marked by a deep sense of weariness and self-reflection. There is no grand catharsis, no sudden emotional breakthrough—just a long, ongoing struggle with the self. The speaker’s language is intimate, almost confessional, drawing the reader into their world of numbness and longing. Despite the somber nature of the poem, there is an undercurrent of perseverance. The repetition of “i’ll try” suggests that, even in the face of overwhelming emotional exhaustion, the speaker has not given up entirely. There is a quiet, almost resigned hope that they will feel like themselves again, even if that moment feels far off.

The poem’s raw, unfiltered honesty makes it resonate deeply with anyone who has experienced emotional numbness or been caught in a cycle of mental health struggles. The speaker’s attempt to reconcile their inner turmoil with the outside world—trying to put on a “brave, happy face” while waiting for the energy to return—is something that many readers will recognize. It captures the feeling of living in a state of limbo, where pretending to be okay becomes a survival mechanism, even though inside, one feels disconnected and empty. sometimes, i don't feel blessed to exist is a powerful, poignant meditation on the complexities of mental health, emotional numbness, and the struggle to regain a sense of self. Through its raw, confessional tone and the repeated motifs of numbness, pain, and longing, the poem invites readers into a vulnerable space of emotional honesty. It speaks to the difficulty of expressing one's emotional state, particularly when the feelings themselves seem elusive or hard to articulate. Ultimately, the poem is about the quiet perseverance of trying, the slow process of waiting for one's emotional self to return, and the deep, sometimes painful, desire to feel again.




User avatar
9 Reviews

Points: 95
Reviews: 9

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Thu Nov 14, 2024 12:51 pm
Ecl1pt1c says...



This poem, sometimes, i don't feel blessed to exist, powerfully articulates the emotional dissonance and inner conflict that arises from experiencing numbness, isolation, and the exhaustion of living with emotional inertia. The speaker navigates a landscape where feelings seem to exist in a state of limbo—neither fully alive nor completely disconnected. Through its raw honesty and relatable vulnerability, the poem offers an intimate exploration of mental health, the difficulty of expressing emotional struggles, and the persistent hope for a return to one's truest self. The poem's structure is reflective of the fragmented, overwhelming nature of the speaker’s emotions. It is written in free verse, with short lines and stanzas that mirror the internal disarray and sense of disconnection the speaker feels. The lack of consistent punctuation and line breaks creates a sense of breathlessness and emotional fluctuation, as if the speaker is caught in a cycle of self-reflection and confusion. The informal, almost conversational tone—marked by the use of lower case letters and colloquial phrases—makes the poem feel like a direct address, drawing the reader into a private, unfiltered moment of vulnerability.

The poem builds slowly through repetition, particularly in the line “i'll try / and i'll try / and i'll try,” which emphasizes the exhaustion that comes with the effort to keep pushing through emotional numbness. This repeated phrasing is not only a marker of persistence, but also hints at the speaker's frustration with their own inability to break free from this emotional cycle. The repetition, while seemingly simple, becomes a poignant reflection of the cyclical nature of depression, numbness, and yearning for change. The tone of the poem is marked by a deep sense of weariness and self-reflection. There is no grand catharsis, no sudden emotional breakthrough—just a long, ongoing struggle with the self. The speaker’s language is intimate, almost confessional, drawing the reader into their world of numbness and longing. Despite the somber nature of the poem, there is an undercurrent of perseverance. The repetition of “i’ll try” suggests that, even in the face of overwhelming emotional exhaustion, the speaker has not given up entirely. There is a quiet, almost resigned hope that they will feel like themselves again, even if that moment feels far off.

The poem’s raw, unfiltered honesty makes it resonate deeply with anyone who has experienced emotional numbness or been caught in a cycle of mental health struggles. The speaker’s attempt to reconcile their inner turmoil with the outside world—trying to put on a “brave, happy face” while waiting for the energy to return—is something that many readers will recognize. It captures the feeling of living in a state of limbo, where pretending to be okay becomes a survival mechanism, even though inside, one feels disconnected and empty. sometimes, i don't feel blessed to exist is a powerful, poignant meditation on the complexities of mental health, emotional numbness, and the struggle to regain a sense of self. Through its raw, confessional tone and the repeated motifs of numbness, pain, and longing, the poem invites readers into a vulnerable space of emotional honesty. It speaks to the difficulty of expressing one's emotional state, particularly when the feelings themselves seem elusive or hard to articulate. Ultimately, the poem is about the quiet perseverance of trying, the slow process of waiting for one's emotional self to return, and the deep, sometimes painful, desire to feel again.




User avatar
9 Reviews

Points: 95
Reviews: 9

Donate
Thu Nov 14, 2024 12:50 pm
Ecl1pt1c wrote a review...



This poem, sometimes, i don't feel blessed to exist, powerfully articulates the emotional dissonance and inner conflict that arises from experiencing numbness, isolation, and the exhaustion of living with emotional inertia. The speaker navigates a landscape where feelings seem to exist in a state of limbo—neither fully alive nor completely disconnected. Through its raw honesty and relatable vulnerability, the poem offers an intimate exploration of mental health, the difficulty of expressing emotional struggles, and the persistent hope for a return to one's truest self. The poem's structure is reflective of the fragmented, overwhelming nature of the speaker’s emotions. It is written in free verse, with short lines and stanzas that mirror the internal disarray and sense of disconnection the speaker feels. The lack of consistent punctuation and line breaks creates a sense of breathlessness and emotional fluctuation, as if the speaker is caught in a cycle of self-reflection and confusion. The informal, almost conversational tone—marked by the use of lower case letters and colloquial phrases—makes the poem feel like a direct address, drawing the reader into a private, unfiltered moment of vulnerability.

The poem builds slowly through repetition, particularly in the line “i'll try / and i'll try / and i'll try,” which emphasizes the exhaustion that comes with the effort to keep pushing through emotional numbness. This repeated phrasing is not only a marker of persistence, but also hints at the speaker's frustration with their own inability to break free from this emotional cycle. The repetition, while seemingly simple, becomes a poignant reflection of the cyclical nature of depression, numbness, and yearning for change. The tone of the poem is marked by a deep sense of weariness and self-reflection. There is no grand catharsis, no sudden emotional breakthrough—just a long, ongoing struggle with the self. The speaker’s language is intimate, almost confessional, drawing the reader into their world of numbness and longing. Despite the somber nature of the poem, there is an undercurrent of perseverance. The repetition of “i’ll try” suggests that, even in the face of overwhelming emotional exhaustion, the speaker has not given up entirely. There is a quiet, almost resigned hope that they will feel like themselves again, even if that moment feels far off.

The poem’s raw, unfiltered honesty makes it resonate deeply with anyone who has experienced emotional numbness or been caught in a cycle of mental health struggles. The speaker’s attempt to reconcile their inner turmoil with the outside world—trying to put on a “brave, happy face” while waiting for the energy to return—is something that many readers will recognize. It captures the feeling of living in a state of limbo, where pretending to be okay becomes a survival mechanism, even though inside, one feels disconnected and empty. sometimes, i don't feel blessed to exist is a powerful, poignant meditation on the complexities of mental health, emotional numbness, and the struggle to regain a sense of self. Through its raw, confessional tone and the repeated motifs of numbness, pain, and longing, the poem invites readers into a vulnerable space of emotional honesty. It speaks to the difficulty of expressing one's emotional state, particularly when the feelings themselves seem elusive or hard to articulate. Ultimately, the poem is about the quiet perseverance of trying, the slow process of waiting for one's emotional self to return, and the deep, sometimes painful, desire to feel again.




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14 Reviews

Points: 374
Reviews: 14

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Wed Nov 13, 2024 5:18 pm
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oc3an wrote a review...



Okay first off I <3 Laufey!

This poem is really good (like really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really good)! The way I relate to this poem just gives me a godsend (even though I'm atheist). The things that you write about a raw. They come straight from your heart. You convey your thoughts through words and lyrics which I think is awesome sauce!
You're a really great writer and keep sprinkling little poetry dust on the minds of others.


Love,
oc3an




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6 Reviews

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Thu Oct 31, 2024 5:32 pm
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ghostwriter15na wrote a review...



**Review of "Numb" by [Author's Name]**

I just read "Numb," and wow, it really hit home! The way you talk about feeling disconnected and emotionally numb is something I think many of us can relate to at times. I love how you incorporate music references, like Eva Cassidy and Laufey, which adds this lovely layer of familiarity. It’s like having a comforting soundtrack for those tough moments, reminding us that we’re not alone in feeling this way.

What really shines through is the sense of hope and perseverance. Your repeated “I’ll try” gives off such a positive vibe, encouraging us to keep going even when things feel heavy. It’s all about that journey of wanting to feel connected again, and it just makes me want to hug you for putting those feelings into words. "Numb" is a beautiful reminder that even when we’re struggling, there’s strength in our shared experiences and the courage to keep pushing through.




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Points: 188
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Wed Oct 30, 2024 4:22 pm
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TheRiseOfRegulus says...



i love this poem alot. you can truly see into the mc's mind and are able to feel what there are feeling. Its quite a realistic poem about how one can feel. ive even went to a few people i know and showed this to them. overall 10/10 im recomending this to my friends!




avimoon says...


Thank you so much! This is super sweet, I'm glad you guys have enjoyed it :D



TheRiseOfRegulus says...


its okay!



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Points: 21
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Wed Oct 30, 2024 4:19 pm
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Sawnsee says...



powerful.




avimoon says...


Thank you <3



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Points: 188
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Wed Oct 30, 2024 4:19 pm
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TheRiseOfRegulus says...



love ittt




avimoon says...


thanks so much! :)



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42 Reviews

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Wed Oct 30, 2024 2:08 pm
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theromanticchemist says...



<333




avimoon says...


<333




fun fact i hear my evil twin once wrote a story about a hacker who used the name fyshi33k bc there are 33k-ish species of fish and she liked phishing so fyshi-33k made sense but then she got super embarrassed when someone forced her to explain
— VyperShadow