i'm feeling so in love,
i might float up into the stars...
don't be too worried
if i don't come down.
.
my love makes me feel
like i'm tumbling down
the rabbit hole into wonderland-
"falling up", as shel silverstein put it.
.
she looks slightly gloomy,
and suddenly, i'm worried.
did i say or do something
wrong?
then she tells me
it has nothing to do with me,
and i don't think
that makes me feel better,
because if it's me, at least i can fix it.
.
she makes me feel like
skipping stones
and stargazing
and blasting songs in the car.
she makes me feel like
going to the movies
and holding hands in the dark
and bringing blankets to cuddle underneath.
she makes me feel like
late-night sing-alongs
and laughing slap-happily
and sitting on the car roof to speak to nyx.
she makes me feel like
going to antique shops
and getting all we want
and giggling when i start sneezing due to allergies.
she makes me feel like
going to the library
and quietly reading
and being beside
and a part of each other
while doing other things.
she makes me feel like
going to target
and buying scented candles
and more squishmallows than i can carry.
she makes me feel like
sketching the universe
(whatever
comes onto
the paper)
and blushing pink
and crafting words to better say "i love you".
she makes me feel like
grinning with abandon
and being reckless and wild
and young and free
and so desperately, irrevocably, undeniably
in love.
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139,274 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Hey Avi! Your daughter has now discovered your poetry and while reviewing poetry is still new to me, I hope to do my best! So let's get into this!
To begin, I loved reading this so much! Each part of the poem felt like it was relieving a different memory. You did an amazing job conveying each of these memories, even if some of them are not memories at all but feelings and thoughts that have run through your mind more then once with excellent imagery! You certainly did a good job of giving it a sort of dreamy feel as well that goes hand in hand with the feeling of relieving memories of peaceful thoughts. The whole thing is very happy and perfectly leaves the feel of a soft smile on ones face when they're thinking about someone they love.
The only thing I can really critique here is maybe capitalization (although I know how hard it can be to remember it when you're writing from the heart) and how many times the lines start with 'and.' To me, it feels a little bit repetative with how often they begin with 'and' and I feel like it would flow just fine, if not better in some places to remove those and just put commas on the ends of the lines before them.
Other then those little things, I think this is an amazing poem! You conveyed the emotions in it so well through imagery and I really enjoyed reading it! It was so sweet and happy and truly a wonderful piece to read!
Happy Holidays! My name is Ley (or Lektra) and I'm here to review this sparkling work with my new holiday-themed review template: just in time for winter! Let's sit by the fire, get our marshmallows ready, and discuss this piece you have here. Huzzah!
❄️ Winter Whispers ❄️
This is such a sweet poem! I can tell you really love this person, and as I read, I smiled to myself :') Poems like this remind me of the beauty in little things and the joy of experiencing life with someone special by your side. I can't get over how cute this simple gesture is!
🎅 Warm Sugar Cookie 🎅
Firstly, I just wanted to point out the repetition of 'she makes me feel' is so clever and fits so well into this poem! I usually struggle writing poems like this, but it seems like the words came so effortlessly to you and I envy that >:P Each stanza feels like it's filled with real emotions, from joy and excitement to worry and tenderness. I also enjoy how you broke up each stanza-- keeping each line short and simple rather than long and drawn out. It kind of fits the whimsical/love theme we have going on here-- similar to the pitter-patter of a lovestruck heartbeat XD
I especially loved these stanzas:
This stanza read incredibly well because of the repetition of the 's' sound. It has its own soul and rhythm! Wonderful job here!
Loveee this reference! So whimsical!
🌟 Chilling Critique 🌟
I don't really have any recommendations! I felt a bit lost at some parts, but I think that's because some of these lines are personal puns between you and the recipient of this poem xD
🎆 The Grand Finale 🎆
This poem is such an awesome celebration of love. I really enjoyed reading, and I hope this review helped! Have a great rest of the Holidays! <3
Wishing you a season filled with joy, laughter, and love! <3
Thank you so much for this glowing review, Ley!!! Happy Holidays to you too <333
I love you
I love you so much, sunshine <3333 this is beautiful
<333333
I love you more, sweetheart <33333