my love for you
knows no bounds.
every time i see you,
my heart swells.
cozy sweaters
and comforting arms,
i can run to you
when i need love.
i mumble my
apologies
for being so stinky
when you smell so good.
you laugh it off and
smile at me
and i have to remember
how to do anything
other than smile at you
like the lovesick doofus
i pretend not to be.
i want to learn everything about you;
what holidays you celebrate,
which touches make you shiver,
how i can get you to melt into me again,
how i can get you to laugh,
what your favorite tropes are...
i need more space and time
to ask you all these questions,
but i'm sure we'll get around to it.
i want to share
all of me with you,
too.
but i'll be patient.
i want the
mutual baring of our souls
to be the kind artists sob over
because they can't do anything other than hope
to capture its perfection.
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139,274 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
What a lovely poem! I think this is the first time I've really sat down and read your poetry, and I'm very glad I did so. This poem felt so comforting and sweet and was a perfect read for my afternoon!
I think my two favorite stanzas were the third and the last one. The repetition in the third one made it fun, as well as the specificity with the speaker's desires to know the object of their affections. That last line was also especially touching; it solidified the sense of comfort and security the speaker has in their relationship. I liked the final stanza for similar reasons; I just think it was so evocative (particularly the line about the "mutual baring of our souls"-- that one was just so good)! There was also a hint of irony I appreciated, with the line about artists struggling to capture the speaker's love, while they do the exact same thing in this poem, adding to that soft levity that carries throughout.
One thing I did feel like I was missing was figurative language. I'm also guilty of forgetting to include it in a lot of my poems, but one great thing about poetry is you basically get free rein to play with language however you want. There were some great moments of uniqueness in your stanzas, but I felt like I wanted you to take it further with more fun figurative choices line by line. Especially for poems that focus on themes that have been touched on a lot before (like love), the language you use and the nuance you add to the message you're trying to impart can really separate your poem from the rest and add tons of originality. One way that I've found to be useful in making your language choices more bold is to choose one device and rewrite the poem with it in mind and really lean into it; if you think you go too bold, you can always reel it in later, but experimenting with language is a consequence-free way to come up with some really neat stuff!
Specifics
I don't know why, but I felt like "stinky" here felt a little out of place. It feels like a somewhat childish word that, to me, was a little at odds with the rest of the poem.
Overall: wonderful work!! This poem made me happy, and with some experimenting, I think you could really elevate it even further! I hope to read more of your poetry in the future-- until next time!
OMGGGGG POEMS ABOUT LOVE ME WANNA SPINNNN!
Hey valentin3 here to shoot you a quick review:
Wow! This is a super great poem. The way you express love just make me... AHHHH.
Now lets dive in:
This quote I really love. It truly shows the love that each character has for each other. *insert internal screaming*
Calling yourself a lovesick doofus more than likely shows that you sort of a hopeless romantic.
Thats pretty much all I have to say! Make sure to capitalize the 'I'.
Love,
valentin3
lemme just say yes yes yes and yes. thank you so much for the rev, I'm glad my own lovesickness has inspired others to truly feel the love