i donate
my chrysanthemum kisses
to my love and our art.
i save
my nails and spiral-padded fingers
for the stranges etches in my body
that i feel don't belong.
i wake up
feeling twisted and wrong
despite the comforting warmth
i'm wrapped inside.
"something will happen today."
the raising of my skin tells me,
the soft ridges of my scars prickling
as i shiver,
my soul along with me.
and for the first true time
since i wrapped myself in love
three months ago,
i feel fear.
i am too happy with her.
her love for me is bound to disappear.
~
twist the stem,
the petals fall...
can you tell i wish to take her to a meadow?
the petals whisper
hoarse, tortured screams
and i sob as their vibrancy fades.
is this
what i am doomed to?
i will only ever be
a stepping stone,
a helping hand,
a petal-soft brush of lips against skin.
she deserves more than me.
she deserves the world.
but for now,
i'll settle
for finding her a meadow
and feeling the crack of my heart inside my chest
as she smiles.
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139,274 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Hey there! Coming in for a little review!
The words in this poem strike a chord within me. I have had my fair share of girls whom I have loved and lost, but this piece honestly makes me think about something.
Currently, I have been talking to a girl, and this poem really reminds me of her, as it probably does you to your lover (if you have one). It's soft, even though in the beginning it settles with feeling of discomfort with ones self and their body. And our narrator, despite that, still loves this girl enough to literally give her everything. I think many would agree.
I loved how you made use of adjective's. Describing words are an amazing thing when you learn to use them right, and you did just that. In fact, this poem is full of them. I liked that instead of using those words to describe just things around you, rather, you used them to help implement these feelings deep into your reader. You basically force them to feel like a helpless romantic and that's a wonderful thing. It's usually very hard to get your reader to feel something like that, and since you've used a feeling we've all had at least once, you succeeded in digging that feeling but up and using it in words.
This poem, I have no suggestions for. You've written it beautifully and the set up you used works just fine in making the reader feel and hear you.
That is all for now, though. I hope my words were somewhat helpful, I know they are not the best.
You did a wonderful job!
~Taost
(P.S. I love that it didn't rhyme at times. Poems like that are my favorite!)
Thank you so much for the sweet review, Taost! This is a huge highlight of my day <3333
<33 of course! I love reading your works!
I understand this to be about the idea of kinda introspectively exploring the ideas of love and the feelings of self doubt and impermanence. There's a real air of fragility when it comes to the happy emotions and of course we fear to lose those good feelings too soon. You have weaved this anxious and insecure feeling expertly with the romantic imagery and this just pulls it all together as a beautiful poem. I was actually surprised to see your age on your profile since your poems are often better than ones people have written on my literal MASTER'S DEGREE IN CREATIVE WRITING!! I don't know what your future plans career wise are but you definitely have a future as a writer and a poet!
This is just such a beautiful phrase. I don't know if you knew this but in some culture certains types of chrysanthemum's are symbols of death and only used at funerals and I feel like with that in mind it makes the poem only even more poignant than it already is. Donating makes it seem as though love is devotion and a massive sacrifice.
This is just tragic and sad, yet relatable and real. I often feel that I do not deserve happiness when I find it, and wonder when it will be taken away, always expecting the worst even at my best. It also flows beautifully.
a stepping stone and helping hand are things that will always be there, but it depends who is around, and you can easily be taken advantage of. It provokes strong images and emotions within me, and I'm sure in others too. Then contrasted with the gentleness of the petal-soft brush of lips, emphasises to me the fleeting nature of this affection, or rather how the narrator thinks it will not last forever, but they are appreciating it all the same.
This is heartbreaking, and really sad, yet poignant and something I have felt before. I think the narrator should know that they are enough and this person does deserve them, they are good enough <3. The imagery of finding a meadow ties it together with the nature theme going on here, it reminds me of the Romantic poets.
<3
Hello! Ley here to review this awesome piece for you! I'm using my fantasy themed review method today. I hope this review helps in more ways than one. Let's get into it!
A Journey Begins:Hey Avi! Yet another love poem (not complaining AT ALL, its so cute and perfect for ya'lls anniversary! Congrats chem and avi!) I also love flower imagery so I'm excited to dig into this. I'll review as I read, and then leave my final commentary for the end!
Glimmers in The Gloom:
Personally, I love the word choice in this first stanza. By using the word 'donate' instead of 'give' or something along those lines, you're suggesting that you do this with generosity and love for the recipient of this poem, which is so cute. This is just a perfect example of "the little things matter!"
The fact that these two stanzas end in words that rhyme kinda threw me off, but after reading it for a second time, I've grown to... love it, dare I say? XD Especially because of the break or "~" that follows. To me, it ends the first part of the poem nicely, while also leaving room for the new stanza or second part of the poem to begin. The rhyming makes it sound lyrical, though I'm not entirely sure if that was intentional or not! Love it, regardless <3
This last stanza is perfect! Especially the last line, when you ended with something bittersweet-- but also something I'm sure you find beautiful in your partner. I also like how you mentioned a meadow as a gift-- bringing us back to that first stanza I loved so much about chrysanthemum kisses. Fits the theme of the poem perfectly!
Magic Upgrades:
The only recommendation I have would be to remove the "~" from the middle, as I honestly don't think this poem needs to be split into two parts-- but if there's a specific reason it's there, don't mind me
The Final Enchantment:
Overall, there were some pretty powerful and relatable themes here. Insecurity, the raw exploration of love and giving-- it's a beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing this piece, avi!
Thank you for taking time to read this review! I hope you have a lovely day <3
Thanks, Ley, this is beautiful!!!
<3 i'll never stop loving you