when you talk to me with stars
woven into your smile,
i ponder confessing
that you become mine
so beautifully and so easily.
but i don't.
because there's evidence
weighed against me
that you slip out of being mine
just as easily
as you sidle into it.
it's hard
to escape that beautiful mindset.
that soulfully sure idea
that you understand me,
you see me, and you still want me.
it's hard
to stop my twisted reasoning,
my constant internal struggle,
the battle waged between
my mind that refuses to accept the possibility that it might be loved
and my heart so full of a steadily decreasing hope,
weighed down and down and down
by the startlingly logical thoughts my mind slides through the cracks in my confidence.
how can my mind be winning
when it's always said that love conquers all?
.
anyway, i try to erase
both sides
because both
are equally naive.
i try to smile at you
like the sight of you
doesn't make whole worlds
burst into existence
in my mind
and make the previously mythic idea of
acceptance and love and the sweet, sweet, melting of oneself into another person
true.
i try to leave you to your own workings, i really do.
but you're so close.
and when you're looking at me like that,
like there are, indeed, worlds hidden in your gaze,
i can't leave you alone.
.
help me, my darling, please.
i am desperate for you.
it's pathetic
how much i adore you
and how helplessly and hopefully
i let you have your way with me.
but i remain uncertain.
do you understand what you do to me?
do you understand that i am infatuated with you,
that i want to press myself
into the fibers of your clothing
and the warm safety of your skin
and make myself
a permanent fixture in your day-to-day life?
do you understand that i want to consume you
and i want you to laugh as i do so,
to smile and tell me i'm crazy
while the happiness glowing from the wide set of your lips
speaks to me in another way
and whispers to my body
that you love it?
i don't know if you know
or if you care
or if you're just doing it for the thrill of the feeling.
but i know i'm pathetic enough
to want you to keep doing it.
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139,274 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
This reminds me a bit of that famous John Green quote 'I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once'. Ellie wrote below that this is reminiscent of a waterfall and I think that this section really reflects that for me, like a gentle tumble into love. It's beautifully written!
I personally don't feel like you need the 'anyway' here, because it's just a continuation of the thought. It breaks the flow/narrative for me.
I love how this ties the whole thing together. This is kind of stream of consciousness but in a more cohesive way, and I think your use of repetition helps to bring the whole thing together.
I love the tone, and the language you've chosen in this poem. So much emotion in such a short space of time. Thanks for posting it!
Icy
Hey friend!! Ahhh, I really really enjoyed this poem. I thought I would stop by and leave you a quick review. Let's jump right into it, shall we?
To begin, I really like the formatting. In my mind, it just flowed from top to bottom. It almost looks like a waterfall when you look at it. A waterfall of words. I liked the relaxed style that you wrote with, but it felt so heartfelt and meaningful too.
I love this part! I love how you describe this internal struggle as a battle. But you apply it to such an emotional and relatable topic. He talk about how you have the mind that refuses to accept that someone might love you. That is a really relatable feeling for a lot of people. I like the language that you used to. It seems like so many of your words just look aesthetically, pretty together, like possibility, and decreasing and startlingly. Awesome job choosing some nice words. you definitely have a very nice vocabulary that allows you to really express yourself a lot through poems.
This was a really sweet ending. One poetic element you use throughout this poem that I really enjoyed was your repetition. I like how you repeated the word "or" multiple times. It really gives that feeling of yearning and almost desperation for this person to understand how you feel. From these words, it sounds like they mean so much to you. It seems casual, but not overly relaxed to the point that it seems like it doesn't matter to you. I can tell that it means so much! Great job crafting a nice tone, using great vocabulary and creating this masterpiece!
Overall, I loved reading through this, and I can't wait to read through more of your poetry! Overall, I can tell how emotionally important this poem was to you. Fantastic job, and keep writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
Thanks so much, Ellie! I really appreciate this glowing review of my work. This is actually a poem about my current girlfriend, and she reminds me of it almost every chance she gets lol. Anyway, again, thank you so much for this review, it made me really happy!
<3
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL AVI I AM CRYING WHAT
😭<----- me rn
Thanks %uD83E%uDEF6%u2764%uFE0F
okay, that was weird lol... it didn't include the emojis *cracks knuckles menacingly* let's try again, shall we?
thanks %uD83E%uDEF6 %u2764%uFE0F
YA KNOW WHAT, I'M JUST GONNA WRITE THEM OUT VERY AGGRESSIVELY
thanks *heart hands* *red heart*
JEsus, there we go
et fini *okie dokie slide sign*
christ and crackers, that was stressful
*AGGRESSIVELY DESCRIBES EMOJIS*
indeed lol
@theromanticchemist
all fictional
we're coming up on a month of this poem...
was it fictional, love? i'm gonna answer that for ya, no it wasn't XD and thank god it wasn't
<333333
i was simply mirroring your words, darling. it was never fictional for me