cepheus

hi avi!

this is a really compelling and tragic take on cepheus! it's really refreshing to see something about him because there isn't a lot of cepheus poetry.

first things first, i love the way you contrast his roles as a father and a king, which is something i think is ignored a lot in allegories of his story. mythological adaptations tend to ignore the humanity of the subject. this poem, though, forces him to make a choice that haunts him. even with his role, there is something instinctual about fatherhood that doesn't exist with kinghood. it's not the same.

he shrinks to fit in his lover's shadow.

i LOVE this line!

there's something tragic about a man whose identity is lost in the choices he doesn't make. the contrast between cepheus and cassiopeia is stark, but i see that it’s not just a standard “opposites attract” dynamic. it’s born from this power imbalance. i love this idea of shrinking when considering that. i think it reinforces the idea that cepheus isn’t just quiet, he’s actively diminishing himself for his wife. the tone cuts through the poetic distance that is created. it's frustrated, rightfully so.

this leads into the next stanza perfectly too; cepheus is a father, but only when it’s convenient. his daughter is his pride and joy, but it's not enough for him to protect her over his city or his wife. andromeda is a scapegoat. she is literally chained to a rock all because her mother offended the gods and her father refused to challenge that fate. though, i wish there was more of a contrast with cassiopeia. does she mourn andromeda? does she manipulate cepheus into agreeing?

you chose to save your wife instead of your daughter
and save your city instead of your hear

like this! this is another devastating contrast: wife over daughter, city over heart. these are brutal decisions, and you lay them out with such clear and undeniable weight. he could have made a different choice. he should have. but he didn’t. i think this puts the reader into his shoes more.

this poem hurts in the best way. you take a passive figure from mythology and expose the depth of his failure. not just as a king, but as a father. there is something immediately more personal about this take because we all have fathers, but most of us don't have a "king" figure. it's a ruthless, heartbreaking examination of a man who should have done better. there could be modern parallels too.

so yeah, anyway, this is absolutely stunning!

best,
chi

I adored this poem! It was equally dark and kind of sweet to begin with, and ended on a really strong note. I have a few suggestions but of course they are just suggestions and the poem is still amazing as it is if you don't agree with them!

Firsty, i'm not sure if the A/N parts were supposed to be a part of the poem or not, but they definitely work. It's like an added layer of context to the poem itself, the author's dialogue with what they have written. I would play around with that as an idea in the future!

As for the first part (which your grandad will see)

cepheus was many things,
but he is remembered as a father.
he was married with simple rings
and remembered with honor.

I think this flows great until the last line. I think an extra syllable, 'and remembered with great honor' just makes it flow off the tongue a little better. But this is a great,s simple introductory stanza.

and for the part you are going to scream into the void:

his wife was loud and brash
while he was quiet and reserved.
his calculations burn and crash
as his city suffers
for the pain his wife deserved.

I don't think you need the 'while', it disrupts the flow a little bit. But I love the way you have taken this, from simply remembering Cepheus to now talking about his wife and some darker things from the story. I confess I don't know much at all about the story of Cepheus aside from the links to Poseidon.

he shrinks to fit in his lover's shadow.

cepheus, why do you let your wife take over?

This breaks up the stanzas brilliantly, but you have shifted tenses here. Was it intentional? It kind of distracted me going from past to now present tense, maybe think if you want to keep it all in one tense, I think it just stops the flow a little.

I like that you haven't named his wife; though it's about her, she's not the central figure, Cepheus is, and you haven't dignified his wife by naming her. This proves you're not just trying to display your knowledge of the story but actively engage with and understand it.

your daughter is your pride and joy, yet to save your city
and pay the penalty for your wife's ignorance,
you chain your daughter to a sea-sprayed rock
and wait for the monster to take his payment
and leave you and yours alone.

In the previous stanzas there was a rhyme scheme going on, and here it has stopped. I think the rhyming actually really worked, and though this also works, it kind of seems like two different poems about the same subject. I actually think if you interjected another A/N here you could play that off.

you are a father, yes.
but you are a king first.

Gosh, I really love this line!!

you are a king, yes.
but you should be a father, first.

And then ending with this is SO impactful!

<3