sky tipped words

Hey avimoon!

Q here to review your poem today. And what a sweet one it is, thanks for sharing. <3

The back half of your poem is overflowing with affectionate imagery and it's really sweet. <3

Big picture

You start out with a series of stanzas discussing words that remind the narrator of various aspects of nature, then switch over to the muse of nature being nothing compared to the narrator's love.

The love in question doesn't get as many words as nature does, per se, but they feel more intimate and connected than the more abstract nature imagery.

I like that the comparison to nature is reasserted, which helps tie the first and second parts of the poem together, and I also like the connection to poetry. I feel like including words like "muse" and "poet's heart" make the earlier focus on "words that remind me" make a little more sense by giving it the context of poetry and inspiration.

One thing this setup makes me question is whether those words really are reminding the poem of nature, or whether it's the opposite. Because if nature is a muse (albeit not as much as the narrator's love!), then isn't nature inspiring or generating words? Rather than the words recalling nature?

It also could be interesting to explore in this poem sort of heightening the difference between nature and the love, maybe by making those initial images more static or plain in comparison to the love's brilliant images. Perhaps. I think definitely the balance between the two things you're comparing is worth playing with, since that's what your whole poem is built on!

Littler picture

A couple of little word-choice things I had in mind as well~

pressed pulpous flowers

I liked that you had a variety of images, sometimes unconventional, for the part of nature you were describing. For me, this one didn't quite work for the sky? Because pulpous is like, fleshy, and pressed is flattened, which to me would be much more earth-bound. Just thought I'd mention it because to me it stuck out as less airy and made me reread.

free limbs flailing majestically;
despite the juxtaposition of the last one,
these words remind me of the ocean.

The line about juxtaposition made me smile; I like that it shows a consciousness about the fact of writing a poem, but to me it doesn't match the tone of the poem as much? The narrator doesn't take other asides like this one. It could be away to bring more of that consciousness about language or being a poet into the poem, or by taking it out you could streamline the message about comparing nature to the narrator's love, depending on what your main focus is in this poem.

your muse is great and infallible
to all but to that of my love.

I got a little tripped up on this line -- maybe I'm not reading it right or it's missing a word? "great and infallible to all" I get, but then, "to that of my love" ... to that of my love ... it is infallible? It isn't quite as great? I felt like maybe there was a piece missing but maybe that's just in my head!

sweaters, dark endless eyes,
the doubling-over kind of laughter,

I love this description. So short and so evocative!

these are glimpses of you.

I love the contrast of "glimpses" versus just words that "remind." These words actually show or glimpse a person, not their memory. That's a very cool concept.

my dove-hearted darling, my butterfly-winged sweetheart.

This was my favorite line! I just love those hyphenated words haha, especially the "dove-hearted darling." The alliteration! It just sounds so good to read out loud.

I like the personal sign-off as well:

thank you, my blessed love.

While it may feel a tad bit cheesy after so much effusive love here, I like that it sort of takes a step back from everything the poem explores and directly addresses the love. It's as if the narrator has just read this beautiful poem out loud, then like paused and looked someone directly in the eyes. XD Could even be cool to have an extra line break there.

Last thoughts

I think this was a really neat way to express love for someone close. It would be cool to see even more imagery centered on the love, but the "glimpses" we do get are so sweet and I like how they have more impact than the nature imagery.

I think the second half of the poem is maybe doing a little more work than the first half, because the person in the second half is just so much more significant. Again, it might be something to play with the balance and length and all of that!

But I think you chose a really good structure and I like the way you've set up the comparison, and the way you lean into the poetic side of love as well.

Thanks again for sharing this poem! No need to take any suggestions you don't like.

-Q