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142,229 Literary Works • 677,054 Reviews
I adore this.
I read it out loud, the first time, and later to a few friends online.
I found that on reading it aloud there was much value in breaking cadence at certain points, both to allow for breath and to enhance dramatic moments in keeping with the punctuation.
TY! I don't usually read what I write aloud, but this makes me want to in the future! Welcome to YSW! Wishing you well
hi, Kilroy here,
I think the poem was good, but the pacing between the stars telling her "Keep searching, dear one, you'll find your key." and her finding the 'love of her life' was a bit off. the time between her talking to the stars and finding her love needed to be longer. also why was she alone on the ocean? what made her a lost soul? did she lose a past lover? was she a hopeless romantic?
other than that, this is a good poem, and I like the imagery you used, it made the words flow nicely.
You bring up good questions and points! I may have to revise one day!!
Thank you for the review!!
Hi! This is Orabella, here to review.
Welcome to YWS! I hope you'll like it here. We're glad to have you.
I found this a to be a very sweet poem, at least at the end. Your rhymes were well-placed, and the peacefulness calmed me a great deal. I think my favorite two lines were,
I don't know why, exactly. It might just be because I'm obsessed with different wonderlands currently, or maybe because it's simply amazing.
I don't know much about romance, so sorry that this isn't very extensive. But I like the metaphor where she was all alone at sea, but then she found someone. Tell me if I'm wrong about that, but I guess this is how I interpret it.
Anyways, I really liked this poem, and I hope to read more from you soon! (Sorry about the short length)
Keep writing!
hi there. First off, welcome to YWS!
Sauron
This poem conjured up a lot of things for me all at once. for one, it reminded me of how Galadriel meets
Spoiler
On a more serious note, it pulled my mind to a song called You by Thomas Bergersen. It has a similar yin-yang comparison that your poem has near the second half, and is also describing a lover's connection.
I also thought that the flow and rhythm were very smooth throughout. There was maybe a time or two where I re-read a line, but I had no trouble keeping a flow for the most part, and I'm not THAT musically inclined.
If I had a critique to make, it would be in the stars' encouragement to keep looking for a key. I would have liked to see that imagery come around, instead of perhaps, the puzzle pieces aligning. You also use the phrase "no longer" to start two different measures, so you could consider modifying one unless you were going for the repetition.
Overall I love the peace. I'm not a coastal person, but the sea does intrigue me (I've even written a short story about two brothers at sea) so I love the setting. It creates a sense of space and loneliness and wonder.
Hopefully this helps
~Messy
First, I must explore The Rings of Power, as I have no idea what that is! Also, I will listen to the song you mention. Thanks for the recommendations, albeit they were not forthright recommendations lol. I love exploring new art!
As for the imagery, you'll likely find as I share more that I use the sky as inspiration hence the use of stars being the guide!
I did not realize that I started two lines the same - I'll chock it up to intentional
Thank you for the review!!!
Rings of Power is a precursor to the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit, but I would NOT recommend it xD it has a plethora of issues. I LOVE the song though. I have it on my wife romantic playlist lol
After a long and perilous journey, she found what her heart deserved. She may not have known then, but she knew when it really, truly mattered. However hard something may be, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This was quite the touching poem. It seemed like she wouldn’t find happiness at all, with the odds, and yet, she did.
I hope that you will have a beautiful day/night.
thank you
