We exist on two opposite sides of the same plane,
With hands reaching out, but never quite touching.
The earth is quaking as we navigate rocky terrain,
But we're a force building, like a storm's second coming.
💣
Ashes to ash, dust to dust, the walls crumble and corrode.
And when it all settles, your hands still clutch my heart strings,
Anchoring me to you.
Speedbumps halt our hasty escape as my insides explode.
United we stand, divided we fall, and the war bell rings.
We keep our love in view.
💥
ariah347~
I love this poem so much and it reminds me of lyrics to a Beach House song. If this were a song I would listen to it so much!
"But we're a force building, like a storm's second coming."
How did you think of this line, it is so creative! I also love the line "Speedbumps halt our hasty escape as my insides explode." I love the overall message and the ending, and the difference between the first and second stanzas.
Great job!!
AmberMelanie
Hey friend! Ellie here with a quick review for your wonderful poem!
To begin, I love your rhymes. The plane-terrain and touching-coming study out to me when I first started reading.
Ashes to ash, dust to dust, the walls crumble and corrode.
And when it all settles, your hands still clutch my heart strings,
Anchoring me to you.
Speedbumps halt our hasty escape as my insides explode.
United we stand, divided we fall, and the war bell rings.
We keep our love in view.
I can't get over reading your last six lines. It brings to me a lot of pink floyd vibes, especially with the last two lines. Although, short and sweet, it does speak volumes to those who might feel lost. You're off to a great start, dear friend 
Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. This might be a little short but I do hope this might at the very least brighten your day. Let's into it, shall we?
I will start by saying you tell quite the story in such a brief poem. It never felt rushed but it did have me wanting to know more. Now forgive me if I'm wrong here but I feel like this could be a precursor to a larger plot. You do a really good job at setting up a conflict and I could see this play out in either a dystopian-type world or a gritty fantasy one. However, I can also see it being left as a metaphor for a rocky relationship ( That's if it was intended to be one.)
Overall I cant really find much to give feedback on so I will instead highlight a line or two I loved.
Ashes to ash, dust to dust, the walls crumble and corrode.
And when it all settles, your hands still clutch my heart strings,
Ashes to ash, dust to dust, the walls crumble and corrode.
And when it settles, your hands still clutch my heartstrings,
121,937 Literary Works • 656,565 Reviews
Points: 130
Reviews: 11
Donate