Young Writers Society

Hey there ariah! Here to review!

Interpretation
So if I had not read the description for the piece, I may not have immediately understood the trees being a metaphor for relationships until that second to last stanza where you make it very clear by saying "Thus, I thank the thicket we once knew and the friendship we shared." and then the meaning becomes very clear.

I interpret the poem to be presenting how there is a sadness to trees losing leaves and branches throughout the seasons, and yet it is the natural course of life and growth, so trees do not mourn this change though there is a sadness to it. And just as trees change, people also change as they grow - so we take advantage of the time we have and keep growing and moving on as needed.

I think another sub theme is that just because a tree or person has experienced loss, does not mean that they aren't strong - as inner strength is deeper; within the roots, than what is experienced on the outer edges. I think that sub-theme is pretty powerful and I definitely see it coming through in the first and final stanzas especially.

Highlights

In addition to the message being fairly clear for this poem, I felt like you chose some solid images to portray your metaphor - your description of the trees reaching was done well and felt active like things were happening in the poem, rather than just being described which I think is one of the keys to making a poem feel engaging.

I liked the consistency of your stanza lengths with 4 / 4 / 2 / 4/ 4/ 2 and then a clear method for the capitalization and punctuation which was consistent throughout.

Lovely transition of colors throughout the piece too from green, to fiery to clear/blank, to flowers. All the seasons seem to be portrayed.

Suggestions

While overall I thought your word choice added a sort of reverence / formality to the piece that maybe lent a philosophical feeling to the poem, there were a few places that I thought the word choice was a little odd or didn't quite fit. For instance "a peace within me ricochets" - > I would never associate the word "ricochets" with peacefulness because it means that it sort of powerfully jumps off multiple surfaces... I think either "peace" or "ricochets" is probably misplaced in that line as they really conflict.

I think a confusion that I had with the poem is whether one tree is being described or multiple trees. For instance in this line "The blanket of winter weathered us to a skeleton of what we were," (there are two people, but one skeleton?) "Our bough began to break, ashamed of what was once proud." (again one "bough"?) ... and then at the end of the poem there is just one tree swaying - > so have the two "people" really grown apart or ended / lost their relationship if they are still the same tree? And then at the same time, the title says "forest" rather than one tree.. I'm not quite sure how to interpret that there - not necessarily a bad thing, because it's interesting, but just wanted to say I was a little unclear with how to interpret that.

Overall
Overall I enjoyed the read, it was clear and had some good imagery, and some fun avenues to interpret.

Hope this was helpful! Never stop writing!

alliyah

Happy Review Day fellow Pumpkin

I don't know what it is, but the poetry today is so mixed with beauty and grief xD no happy poems for me I guess. I did, however, like that the end of this was more of a "hope springs eternal" vibe, and not a deforestation of emotion and friendship. So a few thoughts

1. I think this is a great metaphor. Trees are often used for metaphors, and for gold reason. They love a lot longer and are much larger and substantial than many other plants. They also provide protection and materials more so than bushes and shrubs and ground covering.

2. I really liked the line "try as we may, frost set in." I think we've probably all felt this way in a friendship, sibling or parent relationship, or some other form of attachment. Sometimes it feels inevitable, try as you might. The line "fiery embers bleeds into green" confused me though. If you're talking about fall as the progression implies, trees turn into fiery colors, no? It wasn't s huge deal but seems to be opposite of what I think you're going for? I'm not sure.

3. Change is inevitable. That doesn't mean it isn't sad or can't hurt, but it also means that we have to learn to accept it and cherish what we got out of it, and not JUST miss what we once had. It's a fine balance, but if you always look back to where you were you'll miss the whole forest that is ever-growing in front of you. Because of that, I appreciate your final stanza for what it represents.

4. There sure to be some people who have problems or suggestions for your timing and meter. It definitely feels like it fluctuates, but because you only have 2,4 rhyming I wasn't reading it in a very melodic way anyway, so for me it wasn't a huge deal. The length of the lines did bust up the flow a bit though. Perhaps try dividing those into 4 or 6, or several smaller couplets. Hope this helps!

~ Messy

Hello!

Overall, I love this poem and it's melancholy vibe. I also like how you formatted this poem, I couldn't find any grammar mistakes, and the imagery and referencing you used is impressive!

Some of my favorite lines were:

The trees do not mourn for their branches each season of the year,

No, they simply shift with the chance to shed, heal, and grow.

Choosing to embrace change, one lone tree sways.