Young Writers Society

Hi friend, Ellie here with a quick review! Let's get right in

You sear hotter than the surface of the sun ┊┊ with razor-blades as weapons on the tongue.

By the speed of light, your voice can't be outrun.

Wow, this is so vivid! The hot sear and razor blades on the tongue are very graphic but also make me feel the feelings as if I am experiencing them myself. Also I want to say that I really like the formatting and symbols the you use in this one. It really adds to the feel of it a lot.

If lips deliver the final blow of my un-doing, ┊┊ & anger is all you're good at spewing,

Then when I'm deaf, who will you be abusing?

I love the body theme you use in a lot of these examples. A consistent tone is my favorite part of this piece. I liked the deaf analogy you use here. To me this says, once you have hurt me past feeling and pain, who will you use after me? I also noticed and enjoyed your descriptive words that you used throughout this piece, such as 'spewing'. I haven't seen that one in a while!

Overall, this was a lovely piece. I love the language and vivid imagery your used. Great work, friend! Keep writing!

Your friend,
Ellie

Hi there! This is Coffee dropping by to leave a smouldering hot review!! Let’s get into it, shall we?

First impressions, love this! I certainly enjoyed the piece a lot more because of the strong vocabulary used and the emotion in there was conveyed much better as a result! The abusive relationship was made clear within a few lines and didn’t require the reader to read too much into the lines, this could be a good or bad thing depending on a reader’s taste! It also made the purpose of the poem clear and unwavering. Perfect! It deliver a sort of confidence too as if they aren’t ready to be put down like that, they will fight back almost! The confidence, especially in the ending, is radiating through the screen!! The anger at the humiliation that is inflicted on them is bubbling like molten lava, ready to burst at any given moment. Love it!

“ So strangle me with your tone then you'll leave someone else alone. “

Utter confidence and I love how the piece shows us the emotional rollercoaster of the character and how the end is that they seem to understand their worth. It seems as if they dont have courage to stop it completely yet but they are willing to take some sort of action. That’s better than being scared. That’s when people call you pathetic. It seemed to say,
“ Bring it on then. I can take it. “

There are many more points I can nitpick but I’ll stop here. Thank you so much for reading and have a good day/night!!^^
Lovely work and you should be happy with yourself!