My dream catcher is very nearly full.
The strain of tangled elusive nightmares
has grown far too heavy and far too cruel,
like fat spiders whose silken web starts to tear.
I see feathers flutter above my head,
touched by an invisible gust of wind
slowly trying to tempt and coax each thread
to release the dreams they hold; secrets and sins.
The spiders’ numbers continue to grow,
and the nightmares start to slip out the web;
whispers creeping towards feathers below,
bitter dreams once captured now freely tread.
They stalk me whilst I sleep and when I wake.
The catcher failed and let them free,
and none of us will ever escape
when we see the nightmare of reality.
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Canary word: Present
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This was a very interesting poem, I really liked it! For the most part I could seen any punctuation errors, which is good!
But as for the first line "My dream catcher is very nearly full" that doesn't make sense, you should take out the "very" in that line. "and the nightmares start to slip out the web"
I feel it should be "and the nightmares start to slip out OF the web" or "as the nightmares begin to slip from the web." Just a could of ideas, but for the most part it was a very intriguing poem! Keep writing, you're great!!
Hey there! Knight Cailey here with a review.
I really like this. Part of it might just be my love for dream catchers and dreams in general, but I loved how you wrote such a negative connotation with the dream catcher and ended with its failure. I mean, I don't love that the dream catcher failed, but, yeah, you get the point.
"and the nightmares start to slip out the web;" this line doesn't fit very well with the flow of the rest of the poem, so maybe you can find a way to make it fit a little better? "to slip out of the web" maybe?
Also, the progression of time is a little bit weird. I'm not sure what tense you are writing this in. But you start with the dream catcher not quite full, and then I suppose as the poem is written the more nightmares come and the dream catcher fills and overflows. Is that right?
Anyway, love the poem and the theme, and the imagery of the nightmares crawling like spiders down the feathers and out...
<3
Yeah, that's all.
-Knight Cailey
Hey! ajruby12 here to review!
This was a really interesting piece! You did an amazing job, in my opinion, of putting the reader into your thoughts. However, I'm a little confused about what exactly the dream archer is in this poem. Is it an imaginative thing or is it the type of Indian dream catcher? I think a little more clarity would really help this along.
Thank you so much for getting puncuation in there correctly! It makes it smooth and gives it an easy flow. Keep on writing!
-Lady Ariana, The Silver Knight