A Tall Tale

I think that this poem shows how easily words can release pain and express emotion. Thank you for sharing this it is a beautiful and relatable piece to many. I like the use of slant rhyme. I think that the middle stanza:

"Your lies transparent according to all

except me. I believed. Aren’t I the fool?"

Is a very good connotation on how many people get so caught up in the magic of something that they do not see the reality. With your profound skill in writing and the amount beauty and feeling put into this poem I strongly doubt that you are the fool. Beautiful.

It may not be my place to say so, but this seems like the type of poem you DEFINITELY want your ex to hear.

I really enjoyed the harsh beginning, it definitely sets the tone right from the start. When I read the title and the subtext on the title I wondered; "Is it an affair that she had? Or some dark secret?" I was pleased that you cleared it up right away. A lover scorned by empty promises, I can certainly relate.

Technically this poem is excellent, very sound form that serves to compliment the flow of the lines nicely. I even see a close syllable count per line, don't know if that was intentional but well done either way. I do like the light rhyming scheme, even though it just applies to C,D of the first and third stanzas -- I break rhyme up like that too its a very pleasing touch throughout the piece.

Thanks so much for the awesome read!

1. You might think with the Beats, “first word best word.” Then you pick up Morrissey’s Autobiography at page 108 and read, “…there is occasionally a strong and unsmiling teenager who often appears in the house“. Better to edit glaring errors before they end up in a published book.
2. Pick out a phrase or sentence or line that constitutes the poem’s emotional core. Can you now cut lines that seem pointless in relation to the core? This is a technique George Szirtes used to great effect during a masterclass at the StAnza International Poetry Festival a few years ago.
3. Your poem has some great phrases. That makes you happy. But do they skirt around the surface of human emotion without really connecting to anything urgent?
4. Does the poem sound like it’s been written by you, or by anyone?
5. If you delete the first line, does that have a material effect on the poem? If you delete the first stanza, does that have a material effect on the poem? Keep deleting until you’re left with the poem. Or until you’re without a poem.
6. The opening two or three lines set the poem’s mood and tone, even if you consciously subvert them later on. Check there is consistency. Or deliberate inconsistency.
7. Take away the line-breaks. What difference does it make? If it makes little difference, you have work to do.
8. Are couplets right for this poem? Or just a habit?
9. You may have heard it said, “Draft while drunk, but revise while sober.” Consider whether “revise while drunk” is better (even in a metaphorical sense).
10. Don’t trust your “inner voice” unless it’s telling you something you don’t want to hear.
11. The sensible word is probably the wrong word. The crazy, outlandish word may be evidence that you’re clutching at straws.
12. Where does the poem sit on the spectrum from Affect to Effect? Is it where you want it?
13. Every word, every semi-colon, every decision, is important; every change you make might necessitate a change elsewhere in the poem. Don’t lose sight of the whole when attending to the particular.
14. If you feel a vigorous reluctance to strike out a phrase, you need to argue vigorously with that reluctance.
15. Consider the poem’s “truth”. Not the literal facts (although those may be important at times) but the emotional resonance. Is the emotion genuine or just received wisdom?
16. Are any of your lines memorable? If not, has the poem-as-a-whole done enough to withstand the amnesia?
17. The long, impressive word is not always better than the short, subtle word.
18. ‘Plain’ language can be an excuse for lack of imagination.
19. Consider your adjectives and adverbs individually. Are any redundant?
20. Consider the lack of adjectives and adverbs. Is this evidence of effective concision, or a dull, grey palette?
21. Have you conveyed anything in the poem that hasn't been conveyed millions of times before?
22. Can you summarize the poem adequately? If so, be wary of the poem.
23. Is your ending an effective and imaginative response to the poem’s tension or simply an easy (but cleverly disguised) retreat from it?
24. “Images can be sly ways of escaping from a poem” – Robert Bly, writing to Tomas Transformer, from Airmail.
25. If you’re stuck, take a walk for at least a mile. Concentrate on the moment, not on the poem. Give the unconscious room to work.

Here are some tips on writing a poem. I love this one, makes me think of my ex.