A/N: short. Enjoy
Gold is valued because it is valuable
A name of caliber is priceless because it is popular -
the Brackish Ore, only currency for food and warmth:
a SQueaky shine* * * and I’m gathering respect & Wooers!
And a respite of outworn sights & routine in hosting quaint jamborees:
The fluorescent human being, * * *
Can for aN IntoXicAtinG hour Dynamize a nameless street
in and of themselves these things are meaningless, but with enough eyes on them the delusion rapidly gets Grievous."
Sadly too much riches and too much honor aptly spoil the appetite of the owner
Perhaps the Jobial task of putting others needs
ABOVE the functions of Your components
will be that dove of action
And the man
with ~ the ~ open - hand
will learn the fondness
Of That more than Taste, that which is of compassion
And will with all his might in so doing torPedo his inner-Egotist
If this one sees it’s not about giving resources to an out-of-town Orphanage
It’s soulfelt empathy on a nameless street
for the out_oF_commission : it's enlivening The HeartSICK with friendship
Many have tried to Engorge into the moment
But oft the times the case merits a Sickle be put to that inner-idealist for
it needs Be seen:
Whether you give or you gain, you will watch $anguine dither, so as futility waxes Trust in that case of charity quuuivers
Equi=Valence may consoul many in Large Bunch: how still earth’s love wanton can’t fill, FILL the life’s inertia Bowl
as one languishes to come by unconditional love a policy is drawn up for their desirability; Until a friend draws no lines between their life and yours
remembering for times when they were an unprofitable crybaby
Father still fed them & warmly tucked them in
that at some point in their life they’d let Him unite in their heart a utile memorial
and stitch up the fuss about toil that
Makes Home’s aura an Apparition of overwhelming tasks to perform
when it's really *hahahahaha* Like you've never been loved before.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
HAPPY REVIEW DAY HOOZ-BAWND!!! I have come back to this work to write a proper review.
Once again, my brain literally crashed from all the thinking this made me do. There is just so many good points!
Also, can I just take a moment to admire your stellar knowledge and use of vocabulary? WOW!
Just one thing here confused me. Why did you write "that dove" in bold font? For emphasis I think? WHAT WAS THE PURPOSE? I MUST KNOW!!!!
You are such a smart cookie and I wish your would write more on here! Continue pursuing knowledge from the spirit. You are awesome! Jesus loves you!
just for emphasis yes, Dem <3
I FEEL SO MUCH LOVE -dies-
I see your author's note asks for what the reader feels while reading so I'll respond to that.
Overall I feel very unsettled by the content and capitalization choices, I think mostly because it's unexpected so it feels like the poem is breaking poetic rules (however of course you know that capitalization doesn't come with rules for poetry necessarily).
The poem uses quite a bit of circular logic in the beginning which makes for an interesting sort of reasoning. The message of the first two stanzas seems to be about idolatry of money or objects.
And then the 3rd stanza makes me feel a bit sick. Due to both the capitalization choices and then some of the word choice like "engorge" "$ickle put", "wAnton can't fill". There seems to be a lot of language about overindulgance maybe which totally fits with the theme of the first two stanzas.
Overall I'd say again that I'm interested in what you're doing in these poems and this one seems to have the most direction of the ones that I've read as there's a fairly clear conflict and theme. I'm not sure that the capitalization choices are adding anything though except giving a really mysterious sort of prophetic vibe to everything -- which is maybe what you're going for. I think the capitalization things would be more effective in a shorter piece where there isn't so much length between each unconventional word.
I think an area of improvement might be in reducing the wordiness of some of these lines. I mean there are some really interesting thoughts and phrases, but they get almost lost among all of the filler and lines that don't go along with what's being said.
Best of luck in the rest of your writing! Please let me know if you have any questions regarding my review.
Peace,
~alliyah
sigh** I feel a little bit like an idiot, but I see another sacrifice must yet be made
I'm not sure what that means... but I don't think you're an idiot!
I like some of the edits I think you made as well!
Legacy here for a review.
I would love to do a review on content but like your other poem, your formatting is to the point where I can't understand the content. Your symbols and random capitalization is distracting. You do have stanzas in this one though, but the other distractions interfere too much. Maybe after some editing on your structure I could do a review on content. (please let me know when you do this editing, I would love to read the content and do a review.) Legacy out.
Okay, I tried to make some changes for your benefit. Still left some stuff in there tho