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"Virtually Vibrating"

by Wriskypump

Not hard to spot me limping through my own fruit-filled Quest

God must be wanting me

to blow those aside for some release & conjure spreeing for a few minutes...

I begin to become re-rapt around them why’s and wherefore’s for surrendering

The re-reveal of the shadowy depths we all come from, and simply fool ourselves if we believe Our Swamp can be cobbled into anything more

I have Defying wolves that flower like beds my neighborhood roofs,

Spectators whom gnaw bones with howling crunch: but what have You shorn off me?

One more special moment in time before, I am compelled to

kick over my devitalizing inadequateness; it's evil pawing my words: in the EARTHQUAKE



brighten the landscape macabre and hear a finalized Silence shut the mouth of the Pack

Everyone is busy ( GreatHeart but ignorantly) about some self-profitec "adventure" for refreshment

Guess what, I can only bet on my not-so-flavored=Hull of skin One rudely

awe-achening Day

Puckered ruts all leaden as their day is rolled up; dry fruit; mats of hair dangling with all the languor of drippy tentacles: Locked in lethargy

Erasing historic Burial sites

Refusal to revisit all those countless Acts &Scenes

No one to resurrect those treasured earth-bound dreams

Virtually vibrating Our Ghostly terrestrial Sphere plays like the jewel,

the Deliriating thing is -- healing is a double-edged sword that destroys like the Maelstrom

And then cleanses,

The more often you continue looking away at embanking beautiful blue balloons

Riding nature’s polish

(creations Of an Artist that must still be here) = Porpoise-ing the leaks of his hart to be sought

To float into real life is all I ever wanted; but there’s a tantalizing D-Coy called Comfort

Of the current Moment

Trying to indictate my gas meter can stay flat

2 merely wrap it up like a Mr. mundane now,

like a settler simply doesn't even bother

tho' the coin-toss says move on it ;

this ringwalled Abjuration is the choicest window of empOwErment; to make it you

gotta relinquish Props of greed: friends, loot, Activity, the love we know : Bow Out & don’t

ever go back

for that Port {        } trans-port past bonDs_:         resist the seas’ pushing to your 

future place of authority

Whispers crossed alongside death on the gossip, "ShaRDs' of True Life was chosen every day."

If you know that A time of famine & Drought is nothing but producing for you

A Splendorous New Land to Call Home

you're Being magically juiced as time crawls on Without the emotiono-zero non-energies

Great Maudlin comes from not knowing you AIn’t where you b’long.

SIR-signed letters flutter down like packages every so often...


Surprise is the tide Hiking: ,,, your EyEs ordained to Behold a clearing Green-er, than ever

It will be a few more miles, of the sun's Treacherous Boils, ‘till Refreshign arrives like syrup. . .

don't stay still I pray, I spy the oasis is contorted for means between distance without end,

For how the sand steeps to be the sheets of my bed -- but a sudden

Underground Fountain will

(recapture my dragging head... as I lay me down to sleep )

Opposite the shifting scabs Earth is = It's irresolute beasts

Hobbling, willfully, around aimless Horus

Because he won't make them do too much, just encourage their servitude & Holy nness

Scorned if you’re a poor pundit, The Horns of Reasoning provokes fairy impolite subjects-- 

Dead in Transit, for A Second mummified… born

was it

incidental ?

+$hall we *Reintroduce you to Einstein's Cause-and-Effectual?

‘sent down to discern the sky Gapes w-hole

How is it never-changing, purest baby Blue?’

Well-born, bedridden at the bottom of a pool

I Say,  “Born Again!" 

to forge swords of Living water,,,

From inside (cause we're looking straight up the tuBed Blues of) a Beneficent Pupil

Set your compass at Truth, cause It can't be earnt or deserved --you are My Flesh & Blood

a plenteous peaceful thing to relish with your mind, to eat of --Blood is thicker than water

Would there be another reason I'd want you?

Daily I recollect these pictures of you child, They gird the wall, They've encamped around my mind, My face, Greatly encumbered

It bursts like a cis’Tern;

faded and trying to harden, I keep them all sodden, , ,

you caught Pride like the devil himself in the scenic view out Money's Horizoned pane

But it was vaporous craftsman bejeweled’ stuff.*.*…*

to visit your Papa you no longer cared to

I sometimes withheld most All of what I had

so not to spoil you too young, so you couldn't take it for granted all too soon,

So you would see it was me who blessed you, for I loved you, So I built you up so you'd stand!

I had in mind to let you build up your own young, to know the other side as I knew you!

And so, like me, to be numerous as the sand!

. . . So aspiring for personal license you had to have it now and it had to be gleaming & New*

Do you remember how I gave you more than you could try to hold; Was there any more jolly

or knew Festivity like me? In my house you were like the King, to be a sharecropper would you leave?

I'd have you back in an instant!!!! I’d parade the news of your return through the streets!

Your Inheritance stock-&-bond you, Believe me, granted you two eyes of exorbitance floundering!

For you belong to Me… or did at any rate a Diamond now, that nobody has, You're flown 

You're likely forever-gone;

for the hunger, the heat, the inhospitality, the Heaviness of vittles of the Wilderness…

And once you've tasted Synthetics, how hard it is not to go on as you’ve become

and as you’ve habitualized, thiS thought procesS races & becks you On to thAT finish

Wouldn't it be wonderful to be counted

For enduring the inopportune wait, considered Virtually groaning in attemptiveness, Obedience viewed in uNSuitable rage

the scum of the earth, the worm is slime and blind at that: but I wonder what his worth is

Every day in faithfully Returning home to his Dad

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80 Reviews

Points: 5229
Reviews: 80

Thu May 25, 2017 3:47 pm
Jurelixranoanad wrote a review...

Hi, J here for a review.
I have never read one your poems but I have hear that you like to add random capitalization in your works. I like that about you it makes you seem like Margo Roth Speigleman from Paper Towns. Anyway I love this poem it has real emotional impact and has a strong subject matter. I have dyslexia and this was not at all confusing to me and I know you didn't make the poem like that just for dyslexic people but all the randomness really made it easy to read. There are just a few places that needs things to be changed because of grammar, so hare we go.
"God must be wanting me"
I would recommend putting a comma after me to create a pause between it and the next line.

"kick over my devitalizing inadequateness; it's evil pawing my words: in the EARTHQUAKE"
brighten the landscape macabre and hear a finalized Silence shut the mouth of the Pack
You misspelled inadequateness.

"Refusal to revisit all those countless Acts &Scenes"
Put a space between the & and scenes.

"2 merely wrap it up like a Mr. mundane now,"
I would spell out to it would look better.

This is misspelled.

These were the only things. And don't listen to anyone who tells you to change your writing style it is unique and it makes you, you.

Good Job and Keep Writing!!

Wriskypump says...

I misspelled surprise on purpose, cause it gets dragged out some when it's yelled out. Haha, I find it funny you can read it effortlessly as a dyslexic. (I suspect most people can read it, but they are asking themselves too many questions about it's meaning. Most of it's just imagery, simple symbolism, or emotion. Believe it or not, I wasn't trying to be different, I just see the poem as unwhole without it. It speaks to me emphatically this way, rather than just black on white, and I miss where a lot of the stresses are. (perhaps some people do not get so emotional inside their own head as they are cogitating indefatigably?) Just kidding: writing my poems always wears me out during the process. I'm not indefatigable at all - I usually just don't find much else way to spend my time with God. And if I brew for a day or 2 and don't outpour, Oh baby, the hurricane's making Landfall Day 3

User avatar
1080 Reviews

Points: 125
Reviews: 1080

Mon May 15, 2017 9:46 am
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Kaylaa wrote a review...

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review.

So I see that you're persistent in making the sporadic capitalization and punctuation a style yet again in another poem. Due to this, your message is lost in the rubble. It's your choice, sure, but it doesn't always mean that it's a good one. I suggest experimenting in other ways, such as changing up the structure. I say this because there's a lack of focus on the big picture.

On what the overall poem turns out to be. I can't hold you back in writing it the way that you want to, but that doesn't mean I'll stop bringing it up. There are other ways where you can express this stress on certain lines or words. Would this be as effective if you simply read it aloud? And that's exactly the point that I want to make here.

You put too much focus on the visuals. Too much focus on the aesthetic, so much that it draws away from the actual content of the poem. If you're really wanting to have this emphasis, then do it in a way that doesn't distract the reader from the actual reading where the message is harder to find. I don't believe that I would mind as much if it seemed more intentional or purposeful, but it isn't and doesn't seem to be. You should be able to know why you've made a certain decision in your poem.

If I point out a certain part or line, you'd better know why you added four exclamation marks to the end of it, or why you spelled JELLYFISH in all capital letters. What did you choose it for? And it doesn't have to be for the most noble or large reason, it can be as simple as 'to add to the aesthetic or look of the poem'. What I am saying is, you'd better be able to back up your choices, because you're going to be criticized on them.

If you're able to do that, then you shouldn't have any worries about being disagreed with, because you'll be able to support yourself and your decisions. And even then the reviewer might make a valid point. Overall, I'm saying that I want you to write consciously. I want you to write as if every word is important and will be judged, because it is and it will be.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask. I hope I helped and have a great day.


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Wriskypump says...

I do know exactly why everything is where. If you don't want it to be there, can't you just read the words and ignore the rest? :) But at any rate, it seems to discombobulate ppl, so I probably will be taking the stuff out altogether. Nobody understands it anyway, like I had hoped they would

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.
— Stanislaw Jerszy Lec