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The YWS Supa Slamma Monsta Jamma

by Willard


 A/N: Got bored. If I offended you by accident, it's with love. Also it's real bad grammar wise.

"Hi, my name is Billy and I want to be a journalist when I grow up" is how to introduce yourself if you have high enough hopes, like the majority of the site. My real name is Johatt Johannsoon, but YWS members call me 'Will' or 'Strange'. They call me the latter due to it being my user name and the collection of squirrels I have in my crawl space, but I tend to be quiet about the last one.

The site is ran by Nathan Bruce Lee Caldwell, who's pretty good. We did have a misunderstanding about an incident at the park which gave me food poisioning, yet he denies this claim. He knows we all know it was him in Fists of Fury, yet he won't confess. Not only that, but I'm pretty sure he's a Nationals fan, so I'm glad Scherzer didn't get that perfect game. Go Braves!

I spend too much time on the club "The Writers Tournament', which is a club for writers to compete. Now, as a joke, I signed up for a horror story which eventually lead me into participating in the finals, which I got whooped. However, it's still fun. Recently, I got requested to be an alternate by the host ScalettFire in the Powers tournament. After a few days, I entered chat to get this.

Strange has entered the room

ScarlettFire: HEY WILL. TPT. NOW.

Strange: Did I even get an opponent yet?

ScarlettFire:Nope.

ScarlettFire:That's why you're facing me.

See, I usually enter the tournaments with low hopes because I think I can never achieve anything. My hopes were even lower, considering I'll be facing a good writer with much more skill with me in magic. I mean, sure, I play Magic: The Gathering but this is about writing it. I was fine with knowing I'll lose, until Scar had triggered me.

ScarlettFire:You're going down!

I was peeved for two reasons. One is that people who say that offends me, and the other is that I've used all my voodoo dolls on the new users who came over from WattPad. However, I shouldn't show that I was offended, so I decided to come back with the best reply I could.

Strange: No, you!

The next thing I remember is a group of people in dark green morph suits breaking into my house and beating me with wrenches. Now, where am I? I am at the highly prestigious YWS Colliseum where it's reserved for, get this, fights to the death. After I said "no, you!", they sent in an official duel request and I was sent here. Right now, I am waiting for Scar to make their entrance and looking around the stadium.

Everything is segmented. Everything from poets to obscure script writers, I am in front of a full stadium. I started to realize that everyone was in cliques, so I decided to find mine. As I turned around, I find the 'Satirists' section, which was the most empty. Only DivineFool and MargoSeuss sat there, waving. I waved back.

Nearly everyone is going for Scar, as all I see are "ScarlettFire, not Strange The Liar!" shirts and signs in the distance. I don't even get that reference. On my left, I see user Tuesday holding a sign saying "Scar for Mod!", and right next to her is JKHatt, holding a sign that says "Orange Sunkist!". In my corner is a mysterious figure with a tag that says 'Blackwood'.

"Why is there no one in your corner, little kid?" He says. I find it funny, considering I tower over him.

"I don't know, maybe I should stop being an as-" I didn't finish, as the crowd went quiet. A tap on the microphone is audible. A tall figure arrives from a hole in the middle, holding a microphone while wearing a light green morph suit. Above his head is a tag that says 'Lumi'. He goes to Scarlett's corner, converses, then heads over to mine.

"Stranger Danger!" His voice booms.

"Yo."

"You ready?"

"Sure."

"That's the spirit." Lumi walks to the middle, taps on the mic, and holds it to his mouth. People are prepared yet frightened, waiting for this fight to start. I've safely assumed he is the announcer.

"Ladies an-" he was halfway through when loud cheering erupts from the mod section. User Fortis is standing up and clapping, along with everyone.

"I love your voice!" Fortis yells at Lumi.

"I know." Lumi winks at her, legitimately causing Fortis to faint.

"So, no-" more cheering arises, "no cheering? Okay? Okay. Now, who here is ready for the ninth ever YWS chat rules SUPA SLAMMA MONSTA JAMMA between user Scar," cheering erupts, "and Strange?" The crowd is near quiet, except for a few stray whistles. Lumi nods, then shoots off a cap gun. I look at Scar, intending to call off this fight.

"I don't even want to fi-"

"Age manipulation! You're now nine years old!" Scar points at me, then I shrink down to five feet, face becomes less pudgier, "aren't you supposed to be smaller? Like, aren't nine year olds short?"

"I was a tall kid." I reply back. I start rushing towards them, but then an uppercut hit me. Soon after that, more punches were delivered to my body as the YWS crowd watched a twenty five year old beat up a nine year old. Scar grabs me in a chokehold, but then I slipped out, aiming for the exit.

"Acid breath!" Scar shrieks. Acid soon drenches me, burning all of my skin at contact. Somehow, it soon regenerates, but the burning sensation is still evident. I barely have any feeling in my legs and arms as I try to crawl out. The titantron announces that I was a loser, which prompts the crowd to start chanting it.

As I get up, I realize what it is to be beaten down, especially by someone a great age difference ahead of me. The crowd cheers, Black cheers, even the whole city cheers. Once I get to the door, I decide to give it one more shot.

"Hey Scar!"

"What?"

"Your novel reminds me of Twilight."

They combust right there. The crowd collectively gasps as I laugh about my victory and head out. A smooth folk song plays in my mind as I limp through the empty hall. My skin is still burning.

Never would I expect Scar to combust, I'd expected a disappointed private message. If I tell this to my grandkids, they would take this as some great underdog story, but it's not. It's something you would expect from some dumb 14 year old. However, it still will provide a laugh. A good, hearty la-

"Hey Strange!" Somebody emerges from the shadows. Coincidentally, they have a blur over their face and a tag that says 'Somebody'.

"Yeah?"

"I don't like how inconsiderate you're being!" They yell in my face.

"What do you mean?"

"What about the users you didn't mention! Do you know how heartbroken they'll be? That's rude!"

"Well, if I could, I would name drop Iggy, Rurouni, Birkhoff, CutiePantsMcGee, Arkhaion, Pamplemousse, Prokaryote, Pretzelsing, ForgottenMemories, Shiney, Pan, Unconsoled, Deanie, Flite, Snoink, Rosendorn, LadySpark, Blues, CaptainSaltWater, Gringoamericano, TommySneak, AriaAdams, Alpha, Morrigan, DeeDemesne, Meandbooks, Steampowered, Greatman, freakforchrist, Aley, Noelle, Holysocks, TimmyJake, ThereseCricket, AdrianMoon, TheSc-"

"I get it," they cut me off, "but do you know how self aware, rude, and unfunny you're being?"

"That's the point. Also, I find this hilarious." They responded this line by slapping me in the face and walking back into the shadows. I walk out into the parking lot and onto the city. Heck, I actually don't what city I'm in. Out of nowhere, screaming comes from behind me, and something hits me hard in the back of the head, knocking me to the ground.

I look up to see Nate wearing a yellow and black jumpsuit, pacing back and forth.

"Just roundhoused you! How do you like it?" He asks.

"It's--wait, I thought you said you weren't Bruce Lee?"

Fear flushes into his face, as doves appear from behind him and lifts him onto heaven. I can feel blood creeping down my back as I stare at the pavemeant. I must admit, this is oddly comfy. I use my arms as pillows and try to sleep.

"One new notifications!" A loud voice booms from the sky, then drops a white box. Notifications always got me excited. I open the box to see something shocking.

"1 new discussion post on Love Talk (Guy Talk)"

I curl back into fetal position, tears start falling from my eyes.


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Thu Sep 10, 2015 8:03 pm
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Persistence says...



This is a YWS classic.




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Sun Jul 26, 2015 4:41 am
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Lorelie wrote a review...



[quote]Heck, I actually don't what city I'm in[quote]

God, this is superbly written. I only found out that typo (you missed "know").

So, I find this especially hard to review. I'm gonna go with the feelings it suggested me, as it seems to be a very contemporary way to evaluate a work of art.

Until the dialogue started I was laughing as hard as I could, even though I ignore most (if not all) of the references you lay down.

"The Magic: The Gathering" reference is genius. Even though I never actually got to play a full game with my decks, the sole idea of entering a card game through a chatroom is... (I can't even find the right words)

Between the "age manipulation" and the "combustion" I felt totally lost, experiencing a state of repulsion (The beating scene should be rated 16). All right, why did she "combust" ? And why that word choice? I felt a strange feeling of satisfaction in that climax-like moment, though. The "name drop" moment, though, got me off my chair...

Now, the final. Can you please explain it? The three last events (Nate being picked up by doves, the notification announcement and the curling into fetal position) weren't related like I read them. It wasn't the only moment of disorientation, but I feel the final should give a sort of explanation for the story, not break it into tinier pieces.

Overall, (I'm sorry for what I'm going to say) this work is rich in the variety of reactions it brings up, yet it lacks on a main sense. Please note, this is not a matter of language. Something in the middle should define the structure of the story, and it must be clear to all types of readers, even if they're the strangest person around, otherwise you risk the reading process to become tiresome and most people won't dare to fully understand it. I believe most people here who read it did, and they wouldn't mind to explain it. But please note that all those references are just too much. Literature is about making a lot from very few things. (For example, the conflicts I noticed here could give a whole novel...)

I hope a closer YWS member can make a better review on the topics I mentioned. Good luck! I believe you can go a lot forward if you make an effort going back just a little...

-Lorelie




Willard says...


On YWS, we have writing tournaments in a club. I was told by Scar I was going down, so I wrote this story as my entry. It relies on YWS jokes, so it is very easy to get lost. Also, that beating scene shouldn't. It would have to be a lot bloodier.

Thanks!



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Thu Jul 16, 2015 8:31 pm
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yellow wrote a review...



Okay. I am finally going to put a review in this.

Elysium here with a review.

I would have to agree, this is very comical. I usually hate when people write the dialogue as it would appear on a script, but this made an exception.

I didn't see a lot of mistakes but I did see one.

"Age manipulation! You're now nine years old!" Scar points at me, then I shrink down to five feet, face becomes less pudgier, "aren't you supposed to be smaller? Like, aren't nine year olds short?"


In the second line when Scar is speaking, I see the first word is in lowercase. Either you didn't capitalize that, or you didn't put a comma in when Scar was speaking in the first line to end that line.

Otherwise, I didn't see any more mistakes. Honestly, I really like these satirical works. I can never write like this, nor can most people. So you have a great talent. I do want to see more works like these. Don't give up and always write!

-Elysium




Willard says...


Thank you!



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Sun Jul 12, 2015 2:09 pm
willachilles says...



This is still in the Green Room...




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Mon Jul 06, 2015 6:18 pm
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Holysocks says...



Favourite lines:

so I decided to come back with the best reply I could.

Strange: No, you!


"I love your voice!" Fortis yells at Lumi.


Seriously had trouble not bursting into laughter. XD




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Sat Jul 04, 2015 3:46 pm
erilea says...



No name drops? :(




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Sat Jul 04, 2015 2:13 am
Rurouni says...



<3 Strangle Love, it's a good thing you name dropped me LOL

-jk, have a cookie-




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Sat Jul 04, 2015 1:11 am
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CowLogic says...



Primus sucks




Willard says...


But, I love Willy Wonka



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Fri Jul 03, 2015 5:27 pm
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DrFeelGood says...



When it comes to writing genuinely funny works, Strange wins it! lol. That 'satirical' pun though! Felt the pain XD




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Fri Jul 03, 2015 4:58 pm
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Morrigan says...



Woulda been heartbroken if you hadn't namedropped me.




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Fri Jul 03, 2015 3:52 pm
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claire72 says...



Lol I love the title. This is funny and I wasn't offended at all ( I don't know about anyone else).

Just overall this was great and inspiring. I am now going to tell like 3 of my friends to read this lol.




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Fri Jul 03, 2015 2:06 pm
Lightsong says...



Your story inspires me a lot. Keep up the good job! :D




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Fri Jul 03, 2015 11:06 am
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Apricity says...



I like how I knew this was your work just by reading the title in the people's tab.




birk says...


Same.



Willard says...


The original title, removed at mod's request, was THE YWS SUPA SLAMMA MONSTA JAMMA.

But, no matter what, this still screams "Strange was here! Strange was here!"



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Fri Jul 03, 2015 6:05 am
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Hattable says...



But... but... I say "Scar for mod!" and Sunkist is Arkhaion's thing! D:
Amazing, though. Just... beautiful.




Vervain says...


SUNKIST FOR PRESIDENT.

But you are forgiven, Will. You are forgiven.



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Fri Jul 03, 2015 5:56 am
yellow says...



Haha! I love it! So randomly creative.





There was nothing he enjoyed more than a good book. He'd wander into the study, take down some leather-bound volume, and eat it.
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