A/N: AAAAANGST
To the loved ones I killed, you don't haunt me.
Dreams aren't enough to remember
nine months in five hours.
Faux apologies in the form of flowers on grave plots
is the same as smashing the gravestone.
Two different things leading to the same outcome.
I spend a majority of my time awake,
dealing with insecurities.
It's not you, it's me.
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I have to say this made me sad in the best possible way. Definitely kind of morbid but an amazing piece of writing.
Hello! I'm Corralynn and I will review for you!
"To the loved ones I killed,
(I would create a space here, as its own stanza, this gives it the effect of a letter)
You don't haunt me.
Dreams aren't enough to remember
nine months (and) five hours (to the minute). - Just something a little different.
Faux apologies in the form of flowers on grave plots(,)
is the same as smashing the gravestone.
Two different things leading to the same outcome. - what outcome?
I spend a majority of my time awake,
dealing with insecurities.
It's not you, it's me."
I really enjoyed this and it has left me wondering, who did she kill? how did she kill them?what does she mean by, "it's not you, it's me", does she mean it in the context of how we use it in a break up? etc. etc. I love it when stories leave me wondering so this is a good thing!
I added a couple words and commas in a few places to show you how it flows with the additions. Its just my own personal edits nothing I think you NEED to do, just what I think would help.
Overall, this was really quite lovely, I love cryptic poetry, its very similar to my own poetry style!
Keep Writing!
Corralynn
Hey it's Viv here, and I will now be attempting a review. So I've just reread the poem, still can't find anything wrong with it. It's your fault for writing a perfect poem. I don't think it's angsty, just a little morbid. Great vocabulary by the way, I did not know what faux meant before this. This poem is great, it managed to teach, amuse, and captivate me. And has a very fitting title.
Thanks for writing it, bye.