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Romeo v. Juliet

by Willard


Here in Verona, where we lay our scene, we witness two star crossed lovers who attempt to maintain a relationship through the ups and downs of a family rivalry and an age of consent law. Although, the latter doesn't matter much in this story. This is a timeless tale penned by Bill Shakespeare that all should read once in their life. However, this version is different, only covering the second half of the famous balcony scene and putting a modern twist on it. I would like to present to you, Romeo v. Juliet

"The moon puts a mask upon my face." Juliet says, looking at the night sky.

"But, but, you're not wearing a mask!" Romeo's voice slightly gets higher. This response causes Juliet to grunt.

"I know, Romeo, it's an expression. Just tell me, do you truly love me?" 

"Of course! I swear by the moon that I-"

"Don't swear by the moon," Juliet cuts him off, "it's not constant!"

"What if I were to blow up the sun so the moon lasts forever?" Romeo suggests.

"How long will that take?" She asks him. He looks down at his shoes, starts counting on his fingers, and mumbles.

"To get the materials, fly up there,  and actually blow it up, I would say about twelve thousand fortnights."

A moment of silence goes by.

"No," she says, "that's no good."

"Then what shall I swear by?"

"Nothing!"

"I gave you my heart and I-"

"Just don't swear! God," she cuts him off, "just don't swear! God! You know, Romeo, I've been having double thoughts about this marriage." This makes Romeo gasp.

"What? I gave you my heart-"

"And I gave you mine but you have to understand we only just met!" Her voice raises. Romeo wears a look of disgust on his face.

"I'm sorry, but last time I checked, relationships were two way streets! I didn't steal this monkey from the zoo just to get screwed over!" He reaches under his shirt and pulls out a small monkey. Juliet's jaw drops.

"How did you get that?"

"Long story. Let's just say I have a court appearance in a week." The monkey climbs up on his shoulder.

"Oh. Well, you have to know I still love you. My love is as deep as the pool that lies below." She points to the pool.

"But, that pool is only six feet deep." He says in confusion.

"Complain some more and I'll change it to the bird fountain." The nurse calls Juliet from inside, which  she goes back into the room. Romeo pets the monkey, who's picking at his hair.

"I'm going to call you Prince." He laughs. Juliet runs back outside and looks over the balcony.

"Okay, so, as I was saying, I lo-"

"Juliet! Juliet!" The nurse yells, cutting her off.

"Love you, but-" She tries to continue.

"Juliet! Juliet!"

"Shut up already! I was just in there, what else do you want, damn it!" She goes back inside. 

Meanwhile, Romeo starts walking around the backyard, looking at the flowers. A squirrel walks over his feet, which causes Prince to dart off his shoulder and chase the animal around. Romeo follows the chase, but loses them as they head out of the gate. He bends over as a single tear leaves his right eye. The sound of Juliet's bedroom doors opening alerts him.

"Romeo! With a falconer's voice, I-"

"Cawcaw! Cawcaw!" He loudly mimics the sound of a falcon.

"Be quiet! Ugh. Where shall we meet tomorrow?" She asks. He thinks for a minute.

"Uncle Harry's Flabby Tavern, twelve o'clock during happy hour. I heard it's half off fried pickles!"

"No." Juliet quickly shoots down the suggestion with a stern look.

"Uh, the church at nine?" He says.

"Sure," she smiles, "that sounds good."

"Cool! Can we celebrate with a duet?" Romeo asks.

"Of course. Make sure it's modern, and not Carly Rae Jepsen." After Juliet said this, a frown appeared on Romeo's face.

"Well, have a nice night and I'll talk to you tomorrow!"


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Fri Aug 14, 2015 2:19 am
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CardinalSouth wrote a review...



Hello! Can I just say that I wish I could write humor and I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous of how amazing this is? I'll say it anyway: This is AWESOME!!!
You completely understand the immaturity of the "star-crossed lovers" that not many people seem to grasp. It makes me itch when people (twelve year-old girls) declare that they want a love story like Romeo and Juliet's. Like, no. He was a lustful, hormonal boy who couldn't keep it in his pants. She was a desperate, rebellious teenager who should have listened to her parents. Both were way too rash. I honestly relate this to seeing couples in the hallway at high school who are hugging and kissing and saying, "I'm going to miss you so much OMG I LOVE YOU," even though they'll see each other after class. I believe this is hilarious because of how relatable it really is. One thing I would change, however, is in the sentence, "relationships were two way streets!" I would put it in present-tense and add a hyphen in between 'two-way'. Other than that, it's just about perfect. I'm assuming that this is intended for an older audience based on the language and theme, so I would take that a step forward and emphasis the motives for them wanting to get married in the first place... To consummate the marriage of course! This will further parallel Shakespeare's work because in all honesty, they just wanted to get in each others' pants.
Have a wonderful day and I will be reading more from you :)




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Mon Aug 10, 2015 12:29 am
BlackDiamond139 says...



Wow, this is hilarious. I love the humor going into it. I adored how Juliet said that the moon wasn't a constant and how Romeo went on about a relationship being a two-way street. The balance between the two was wonderfully done. I enjoyed it very much, and couldn't help but laugh. The two made a very amusing couple.

As for critiques, as this is a modern setting, or so I gathered from this, you could have included Juliet talking about their age in the middle of the whole 'second thoughts for the marriage' part. Also, while your use of description was wonderful and definitely showed instead of told, there was certain places that could have used more description of the character's expressions and postures, such as when Juliet goes inside due to the nurse repeatedly calling for her.




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Mon Jul 27, 2015 8:24 pm
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Ronald559 says...



Your dialogue is your strong suit. I laughed a lot, thanks.
The description is always lazy though.

There's nothing to critique really because the bulk of the story is dialogue. Which is fine, a minimalist approach. But don't be lazy with description. It feels rushed.
This sounds harsh, don't let it distract you from the achievement of your finely written story. :)




Willard says...


Thanks for the comment! The reason why it was rushed was that this was a script I had written in less than ten minutes (not kidding), so when transferring a dialogue heavy script to a story form, there wasn't that much meat on the bone. If I were to add a lot more description, it would be a lot harder to form it around the dialogue. Description is pretty hard for me in itself, so I'll work on it next time around.

However, I really appreciate the comment, I truly do. Thanks! :D



Ronald559 says...


That's how I write sometimes. Just dialogue and fill in the blanks I saw in my head later.
Trying narrating/describing things in real life. Not on paper just aloud when you see something. I do this a lot, especially with my dog. Say aloud the description the way you want to on a page. It'll help later when you need to describe something important. :)



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Mon Jul 27, 2015 1:41 pm
erilea says...



Wow. Good job.




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Mon Jul 27, 2015 3:42 am
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Morrigan says...



Fun fact: it was never meant to be a balcony. It was only a simple window.

I'll be back for a real review later.




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Mon Jul 27, 2015 2:51 am
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Archaeopteryx wrote a review...



This is fantastic! The dialogue is light hearted and believable throughout, and just ridiculous enough to really appeal to my sense of humour (although I realise that's personal taste). Romeo's cluelessness and foolish charm is an excellent pairing with Juliet's personality. There are many highlights, such as the discussion about blowing up the sun, the stolen monkey, and the love that's only 6 feet deep. The only issue that I noticed was that the monkey appears to change names from Prince to Mercutio, but that's obviously not a big deal!

Thanks for sharing this, it really made me laugh!





"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."
— Martin Luther King Jr.