I swear to Gosh I'll fight back.

Hi! I'm here to save you from the dreaded Green Room.
Knowing this probably has a Beach Boys reference in it, I'm just going to tell you that I don't know the Beach Boys enough to catch it.

So the entire first stanza is about setting the scene and exagerating how obscure and in the middle of no where it is. North Dakota. Who remembers good ol' ND, eh?
If you're looking for a well-known video game, I think Stackers (lol almost wrote Stakers. Vampire slaying video game anyone?) was the wrong choice. But if you're looking for an obscure one, then perhaps it was the right choice. Personally, I think it fits nicely. DK is nice in that it gives context for what Stackers is. I'm just warning you people might not know it.

I like the abruptness of the first line in the second stanza. It felt like the first stanza was setting us up for some kind of fond memory (and while it may be fond, because the narrator punched back, it wasn't the kind of fond the reader was expecting) and the line was like a punch in the face. (eh? eh?)

I'm wondering if the credit was already in the machine, or if the player had somehow paused the game? I'm only familiar with the oldest pac man (thanks to Ready Player One), so I know that the only pausing you can do is where pacman "hides" in a particular place for some time? Is that what this is referring to? Because how else would they just leave the game with the credit in there?

"over taking someone's credit"
I read this as "overtaking someone's credit" so I think "over" is an awkward word. Maybe use "because I took" instead?


I think "maced" is a bit of an odd image. I'm not sure it fits. At first I pictured the big metal weapon mace, then figured you meant the spray. It might be a good idea to change that to something else? Maybe just pepper spray? And even that seems like a bit of an extreme reaction to me. Maybe she can hit him with her purse or something

Little thing that bothers me, "nine year old" should be written "nine-year-old." I don't know if it was purposeful, but it made my eye twitch a little at the end, which isn't good.

I hope this helps! I enjoyed reading this poem, and I enjoyed the video game references. Let me know if you have any questions! Keep writing.
~fort

Hey. It's the Chirave Canicthus here to review this beautiful GR work.
A look at the title, I'm not really sure you should add that Gosh in there. I'm assuming that you're trying not to use God's name in vain, but using Gosh makes for a weaker title. Try "I swear I'll fight back."

So, onto the actual poetry review. Sorry if I'm not the best. I'm new at poetry reviewing.

Stanza 1: I kinda like this one, and I see how you're setting the scene, like the first paragraph of a chapter.

Stanza 2: Punched in the face, eh? Ouch. But taking someone's credit... Is that like the coin put into the machine? On first thought, I thought the MC took over the kid's place when he went, but when the MC beat the high-score, put his name in instead... It's the former Credit, isn't it? XD

Stanza 3: Just, just.... This is hilarious. That's the most detailed thing I can give it right now. Of Course, it isn't funny to hit a kid, but it's a cool plot twist.

That's all for now!
Keep writing.
*Chirave flies away*

The last line of your poem made me smile. I agree with you; this is golden.

LOL.

Hey Will here,

*takes deep breath after first laugh attack*

*ROFL's*

*LOL's*

@Strange, this is funny. Very funny. Like funny funny. I'm not even joking, like I'm not sure what to say to fix up it's so short. Okay, I better move on to the next piece!

Lol.

-willachilles

I had to read this a couple of times to understand the nature of the poem. I wasn't quite sure if there is a deeper meaning hidden between these lines or if it is just as simple as it appears. I liked the simplicity and the satirical tone. The stanzas were short, sweet, and maintained structure throughout.

This comment was meant to be a review, but like your poem, my review was short, I suppose.