I once had a girl like me.
Watching the sunlight play upon her hair
while she showed exuberance to the world.
She stopped, eventually.
I once had a cat.
The cat would run around the house
clawing furniture and expressing enjoyment.
It died, eventually.
I once had an overwhelming sense of bitterness towards the world.
From large things like politics and global warming,
to small things like the price of boxed Top Ramen.
It never went away, actually.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
I'm a little late on seeing this, but I thoroughly enjoyed it! I loved the flow of the words especially. Great job!!
Really deep morbid feel to it that makes you want to read more than once! I think you did a good job and overall it was a good read! Keep up the good work
You could start a revolution.
How so?
Because you're awesome!
Wear a lampshade of course.
If you wear a lampshade , people will come . I would .
Hello I'm here to write a review. Okay haha, let's get started
I really like how this poem was written.
Stanza One:
I like how you talked about how she shown exuberance to the world. And how the sunshine shined on her hair. Then I like how you wrote in Italics "She stopped, eventually."
But to make that more grammatically more correct, use "Eventually she stopped."
Other than that this stanza was pretty good.
Stanza Two:
I relate to this stanza. I had a bunny who was very energetic and happy. Recently she passed away. I do miss her yes.
Stanza Three
Holy macaroni!
I love this stanza. It cut deep. I am pretty sure you wrote about how I feel all the time haha. So like I really like this one. Probably the most.
Okay that is all! I hope to read more from you soon. Happy writing!
Heh. You couldn't have expressed it better~ I can feel the indignation in your words. Thumbs up.
Okay, for something so light, and such a dark title, that is... Fantastic!
I can't really relate to the title, but!
It's very playful, yet retains a dark premise, in a very sensible-nonsense kind of way.
I especially like this
All of this,
the structure, the as a matter of fact telling.
It's how you say, poetically blunt?
I'm not going into grammar right now, because I suck at it sometimes, and there are a lot of better reviewers out there,
Now,
it's very short, I believe more could be done, even a short introduction to the piece.
I want to shy away from the word "filler" because it just seems so mechanical and non-creative, but this in my ever narrowing opinion needs it. xD
Anyways, keep writing, and that was awesome.