I sit in the back corner of my local Subway,
downing ridiculous amounts of Sprite
and eating a barbecue sub
while choking on figurative tears.
Every now and then,
I devote my time
to seek silence
and think to myself.
Too bad the soda machine is preventing that.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hello Strange, Wonder here. I read your poem within moments and thought this was pretty cool. The idea was fun and it has potential. Let me help you with some tips.
1st: Every poem has to rhyme somehow weather it be a AB, AA, ABAC ect. So you need to add some rhyming words to the end. For example:
I sit in the back corner of my local Subway,
Downing ridiculous amounts of Sprite--
I must have been a very funny sight.
You could try that or many other things.
2nd: Where did you get tears from? Subs make you sad? The reader will be very much puzzled because of this.
3rd: Capitalize the first word of every stanza--English standard. Also it looks more professional that you took the time and effort to do that.
P.s. I have never heard of a poem that didn't rhyme. That's what they're meant for. Right?
But anyway, keep writing and NEVER get discouraged! I hope this review was helpful.
If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.
-Thomas Edison
~\/\/onder
Hey Wonder. I already sent you a link on capitalization in poetry, and how it's NOT needed every time I hit enter. Considering most stanzas are only one sentence, I Shouldn't Capitalize Every Word Because It Isn't Needed And Seems Ridiculous. Plus, not all poems need to rhyme, so it all varies. Thanks for the review.
Fantasy here!
First, I just want to tell you that I love poetry and songs.
Now, on to the important part.
I found this song very humorous, especially the last part about the soda machine. I liked how it's short, sweet, and to the point. To be honest, I am kind of lazy. I sometimes have no patience to review long things. Don't you EVER follow my example!!!!!
Now, I don't know if this was meant to rhyme. Each verse had different numbers of syllables. The rhythm was not the smoothest, but when I said it out loud to myself, it sounded fine. Maybe I am just going crazy.
Also, what does the phrase "figurative tears" mean? That is confusing.
Overall, I think you did a good job and I encourage you to keep on writing. Never give up. If you do.....*thinking about what would I do if you did give up*
*Clicks on the "Like" button*
Good luck and keep writing!!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01.