A/N: Crap poem, crap.
Bill Cosby's face
on the cover of the book
stares into my soul.
I bet he can see the future.
I wish I could.
I turn off my phone
and stare right back.
Kids say the darndest things,
but it's what they do
that matters.
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Canary word: Present
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139,045 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
I think there's definitely room for improvement here. What you have is a wonderful start, but I think with a little dedication, this poem could become better and better. At the moment, it appears to be a tad flat; lacking the "emotion-evoking" vibe that poems should carry. Perhaps you'd like to try adding a few words that could add depth to this poem. But, after all, this is just a suggestion. Happy writing
I do have a bit of complaints about this, to be honest. I think the standard of poetry just be emotion provoking isn't really valid, and I don't know what "dedication" is meaning, as it seems it has been implied I didn't care enough for the poem.
However, thanks for the review!
This poem is very @Strange
Hey, Will here.
This actually made me laugh. Well, not laugh. But smile. And breathe out of my nose a little quicker.
But anyway, to the poem. Bill Cosby. Great man. Kids say the darndest things. Great show. This poem. A little confusing.
I thought I understood this bit quite well. You have a book in your hands with Bill Cosby's face on it. Great. But then:
Woah, woah, woah! What happened?! The second line of this bit restates the fact that you have a physical book in your hand. Where did a phone come from?
And now it suddenly jumps to this? I get the reference and all (and it made me...do what I said at the start) but what? This poem needs clarification. And it's great and all if you explain it to me with a reply, but you should somehow add it to the poem as well. Make another stanza. Go for it!
In all, I like this poem it really made me...blow more air out than usual...keep writing @Strange!
I feel strange saying that because you are like experience to the max (5 stars) and I'm sitting here in the 'Joined in May 2015' club like
Anyways...things are getting weird. Love the humorous poems, always do. I will...probably talk to you when I need advice xD.
-willachilles
I'm going to be honest, this was a waaaaaay better review than I have anticipated. Like, this was actually really awesome.
I wrote those first two lines to take focus off of the book, like i was staring at the book but then paid attention to something else. It doesn't make sense, which sucks, but I can't get past it, y'know?
Once again, awesome review, thank you!
Woah, no problem. Thanks for the compliments.
Oooohhhhhh, I get it now. Yeah it doesn't really show in the poem, so maybe you could try and rephrase it...?
Thanks once again.
-willachilles