Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves.
Take a deep breath, let go your fears,
feel the dark prescence behind you;
The weight of death hangs heavy
in the golden autumn morning.
Breathe in the fumes of past wrongs,
exhale the massive burden of change.
Draw your last breath and save it.
The foggy breath of ignorance
swirls about you; a grunt of strain.
Light reflected in your eye - close it,
but keep the other one open
for you are the only witness.
Your lips curl up, your eye is bright;
a moment of stillness, then a hiss.
It embeds your smile on the pages
of history.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,868 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
Hi there!
I love this piece; it has some excellent imagery and has a great overall flow. I don't have anything to critique- I just wanted to say that it was enjoyable to read.
-This was my favourite stanza- it was really well written!
Thanks for the read, and happy writing
-Briggsy
This is a really well written poem. It is interesting and I like the description in it. My favorite lines are "in the golden autumn morning. Breathe in the fumes of past wrongs, exhale the massive burden of change." and "It embeds your smile on the pages of history." I can't find anything to point out in the poem that needs to be fixed and the only suggestion that I have is the format could use some work. Overall, very well written and I enjoyed it. (Interesting place to write poetry, by the way)