Sometimes I like to sit underneath the telephone lines
and pretend
that the gentle hum of static is a continuation of
my thoughts
and not just
white noise
to help obscure the dots.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,447 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
This is beautiful. The last line does not make a lot of sense to me, but the poem in all is very deep. Thank you for writing! Keep up the great work!
-tmalm1
Hello, Tulip here to give you a review on your poem, Telephone Lines. Now, I don't know what I expected to see when I clicked upon it in the green room, but I'm glad that I did.
This poem is well written, short and to the point. The length is suited well for it, instead of letting it rambling on and on, stretching for who knows how long.
The one thing I did notice is the fact that your lines are not all equal in size. I don't know if that was intentional but it doesn't match with the rest of the shorter lines at the bottom. I would suggest either shorten down your first and third line or find a way to make the other lines longer.
I like the idea of how the telephone lines are an oasis of peace for you or the narrator. It delves into the mind and allows us to see something. I get the same way if I were to sit under trees or out in the sun, on a blanket with a good book.
Good job,
Tulip!
Wow O.O I actually really felt that. A very simple and short work this may be, but I think it's sweet like that. Honestly the only flaws I can point out are those of capilatazation and etc. but I like to think emotions thrump logic. Overall a work well done! I applaud you for making something so beautiful out of a matter so simple and brief
Hey WaitingForLife~
WHOA.
This was weird. I loved it.
The briefness of your work and it's supernatural nature were, for lack of a better word, inspiring. Wow, I'm at a loss for words. I usually have a bunch of suggestions, but strangely, I think this is perfect. The format, the content, the description; everything that comes to mind. Don't worry, I won't mark this as a review; but this was just wonderful. Submit this to something.
Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. :3
Yours,
Savvy
Wow O.O I actually really felt that. A very simple and short work this may be, but I think it's sweet like that. Honestly the only flaws I can point out are those of capilatazation and etc. but I like to think emotions thrump logic. Overall very well done!