He swoops in
with a predator's grin.
Sweeps her of her feet
with his charms and guile.
He conceals his fangs
behind a mask of love,
waiting for an opening,
waiting for the kill.
In ambush he lies,
stalking his quarry,
without a thought
for consequence.
A romantic dinner
by candlelight,
a clever ploy,
a baited hook.
She never sees
it coming.
Blue-eyed and
innocent,
she laughs and smiles,
offers up her heart
to a hungry beast.
As light wanes,
emotions wax.
A husky breath
on exposed skin;
sighs of expectation
fulfilled.
It is time
for the stalk to end.
A faint cry echoes
throughout the night
as he steals the innocence
of this virginal blossom,
staining its bed of soil
with crimson.
With the dawning of light
enfolds a terrible scene.
Enlightment flutters
onto the shoulder
of the prey.
Her lover's true nature,
so carefully hidden,
becomes achingly clear.
Her bed is empty,
the covers disturbed.
Feelings of usage
boil to depression.
Hands shaking
in shame and regret,
she grasps her
shatterered dream
and stabs herself
with the edge.
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139,673 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
). I'm no poet, but I wanted to give it a try. So, honest opinions please. Also, the title sucks, I know, any suggestions? 
Hey, thank you so much!
I was sort of nervous to post this, as I have no clue of the right "structure" of a poem, I just go by what sounds good.
But now I'm glad I did, thanks for that. ^^
I really liked this. Its quite a powerful piece and draws you into it as you read.
You can image like you're there watching this unfold but helpless to do anything.
The detail is simple yet works really well and the length is at a good amount to keep you reading without the fear of a wandering mind.
Overall a fantastic piece of poetry
Thankyou for the comments!
And if my readers think the title is good, then it's good enough for me.
Changed it to "by candlelight". In the third stanza, he is, ah, taking her virginity, to sound as non-graphic as possible.
But I'm glad you enjoyed this; I might start writing more poetry, as people have seemed to liked them... But yeah, thanks again! ^^
Yours truly,
|Life|
I really liked this, especially the end. Nice descriptions, and most of it flowed nicely, though I had to read it twice to understand it. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. You lost me on the third stanza; I'm still not sure what is going on there...
You might change this to 'by candlelight'
Love this.
I really don't have much to fix here, nice job.
A: the title does NOT suck B: At first I was a little weary, (oh boy, another horny toad) but I actually liked it. It has good wording and a good message, with good pictures to go along with it. Very good peice, nice job.