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Hey, thanks for the critique!
But I liked it and wanted to see if you people of YWS liked it too. ^^ I'll remember your tips next time I write poetry!
Yeah, haha, wrote this in like 20 minutes to kill time in the morning.
|Life|
It’s a good story, but the word choice is not great. It snowed just recently on my property, and my dog, Jessica, acts similar to the way the dog in the poem acts. You described it wonderfully; i could really see what was happening to the dog. but it does lack a excitement but its poetry. Next time add more words and think of more creative words. Remember, your poem is good but it could be better, i like the theme though.
I liked it a lot, but there's really no flow. If people have said this already sorry, I haven't read the comments yet. But the imagery is awesome, and your dog sounds cute.
Thankyou so much for the comment!
I'll think of a better word than "white-ish" if it was indeed the only thing you saw it lacked.
I love the imagery in this poem, it really took me far! I can tell this was written with a more surreal touch than most pieces, and I enjoyed it because you executed it well. The only complaint I have was with one word, yeah that's right, one word! Lol. It just really through me off and felt like it didn't fit at all and it was 'white-ish'. Other than that, I thought this was a great piece! Looking forward to reading more of your writing in the future!
Hey, thanks for the review!
Yeah, I figured myself that the 4-5-4-5 stanzas might cut the flow, but I felt like trying it out. Now I'll delete that and just go with 4 lines. ^^
Thanks for the encouragement, it's much appreciated.
I liked this quite a bit, but I found a certain lack of flow because of the five-line, four-line, five-line stanzas. Also, as one point you say
and I'm left there thinking, Who? Who will protect me? Who is me? Where did this come from? I think that line could just be taken out of there.
I like the descriptions of the dog's movements and the way you make short, clipped sentences - as though the dog is describing what's happening with his/her shortened attention span, as in
Yes, there are a few little things I would change to make the flow better, but in general I enjoyed the poem.
Good luck with your advances in poetry!
-Molly