No mind.
No feelings:
Not evil, not kind;
No limits, no ceilings.
His body an instrument,
His training the musician;
His thoughts does the icy steel supplement,
His instincts guiding his desicion.
Twist and twirl,
Keep moving, never flinch.
The dance a bloody whirl,
No retreat, not even an inch.
A chorus of confusion,
A melée of fear,
Terror undreamt of, thankfully an illusion,
The ability to fear, which we seem to hold so dear.
For how do we define our existence?
With friendship, love and lust?
No, all of these we embrace with resistance;
We watch them bleed and finally turn to dust.
Fear is what guides us through the night,
Keeps us awake, keeps us upright.
It helps us prepare for the inevitable fight,
And if all hope is lost, quickens our flight.
All this runs through his mind,
But the body is free,
The flesh cannot the cognitive bind,
Without the mind, the world we better see.
Thrust and parry,
Chop and sway,
In the dance one mustn't dally,
For that way, only Death can lay.
Through a haze of red,
To the lone dancer it is revealed:
The dance is concluded, his enemies, now dead.
Their souls distinguished, their faces forever conceiled.
For the nature of the dance is cruel:
The worthy will dance again,
While the unworthy lie face-down in a bloody pool.
Their souls to the heavens in glory ascend.
The dancer bows low.
Always honor the fallen,
Or risk seeds of revenge to sow.
Their dance may be at an end, but upon their honor shan't be trodden.
He turns on his heel,
Not a look backwards is cast.
The dance is now a closed deal-
A ghost of the past.
------------------------------------------------
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139,673 Literary Works • 672,647 Reviews
. Feedback, as always, is welcome. But hope you liked it 
Thanks for the advice.
When I started writing this, I had no idea what the structure of a poem was supposed to be, so no wonder some lines are different lengths. So thanks for pointing that out. ^^ I'll be sure to remember it next time I write poetry. I wrote this completely by what sounded good (or okay), so I'm glad the ryhme scheme works.
So, thanks for the compliments; they're very much appreciated.
|WaitingForLife|
I enjoyed this! Feel some pride for your work, it was well done!
This tells a fantastic story.. you had me interested (especially with word choice), and usually I feel intimidated by poems of such length (not because I don't like length, but because some people get way off subject, and I usually can't follow). But I had no problem with this one.There are some parts of the poem that weren't really clear to me.. but I wouldn't worry too much about that, because I can't even remember which parts those were, so it must not have been very important. Disregard, disregard.
Thanks for sharing this, and keep writing poetry!
This poem has a great rhyme scheme... it's always refreshing to see somebody who can actually rhyme words other than "love" and "above," or something simple like that. It's also refreshing to see words that technically don't rhyme and the consonants of the words sound quite different, but they still sound similar regardless (such as "fallen" and "trodden"). Rhymes don't always have to 'follow the book,' and it's annoying when others get fussy over something that really doesn't matter in the long run. You express yourself, and that's what I got out of this. Awesome work.
One thing I'd like to point out is that your lines have many different lengths. Though I really don't mind it (reading through, it sounded fine in most places... you made it work) because I don't always have the same syllable count and whatnot either, other readers may find it a bit distracting or say that it takes away from the flow. Sometimes when the poem is good enough, that stuff really doesn't matter, but I suppose on a site that's supposed to help with technique you'd have to expect somebody to say something about a line that's a tad longer than the other. So just keep that in mind.
Overall, though.. I love the piece, and I look forward to reading more from you.
Thank you for the comments, glad all you liked it ^^
I like to dabble in different forms of writing, so I might post more poems too.
Yours truly,
|Life|
Well what can I say that hasn't been said? This is a good piece of poetry, especially for somebody who doesn't write a lot of it. But I could kind of feel you "warming up" into it, because the beginning was shaky and then it got stronger towards the center. There were places where the rhyme scheme wasn't the best and also places where I was scratching my head wondering what you were talking about, but at the same time, this is still a solid piece.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
I thought that this was really good, for not being a poet. I've never been a good poet, but I've never thought of using it to help writers block. That's, actually really creative
That was rather spooky i may say but i enjoyed the poem anyway. That was rather epic i must say. I like the descriptions and your poem was amazing. I loved how he showed the honor of the fallen, as it is only right to honor the fallen no matter the circumstances. I hope you keep going on with this it would be amazing. You must be very cautious with spelling cause i looked it over a few times to see and i couldn't find a single error that or you have spell check lols. You did great and i hope to read more of your literature when i have the chance.
Soulkana <3