Hey.
You haven't called.
It's been a week.
Um, I miss you.
How's school?
I haven't been back yet.
Is everyone talking about me?
Of course they are.
Sorry.
What's the homework?
Am I missing a lot?
I'll ask someone else, it's fine.
How have you been?
I saw you in the courtyard yesterday, when I looked out the window. You look great.
Sorry that I hurt you. I should have said something earlier.
Please answer me. I didn't want you to be upset. I didn't mean to let it go this far. I was going to tell you just everything happened so fast.
I still love you.
Um.
I was wondering if maybe...
...you don't love me anymore.
You don't need to talk about that.
Sorry, I'm being stupid.
Remember when we first met, and you were playing Radiohead in the library?
I told you to turn it down, and you were like, "No, I'm not going to turn this off."
"This is real music. If you want to hear art, listen to this."
So I went to the store and bought you a pair of earbuds so you could keep your art to yourself.
Radiohead actually makes amazing music.
I'm listening to it now.
Thinking of you.
I want to hear from you.
Can you answer me?
We can go back to normal, if you want. I won't make you talk about it if you don't want to.
Or we can talk about it.
Whatever you want, I'm totally in.
Don't give up on us.
Don't give up on me.
It's a part of who I am. I'm sorry, I wish I could change it just as much as you do.
I can't change it. Please don't leave me hanging. We were happy, we were happy together. Please don't let this ruin it I can't afford to ruin something else I'm so sorry I never meant for it to happen like that but I don't control myself when it sets in.
Just talk to me. I need you.
Please stop texting me.
Sorry.
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139,436 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
Hey, It's Nike, here to review!
I found your story in the Featured Works, so I want to congratulate you for that! It's an amazing feeling to have one of your works be on the front page, a rush, so enjoy it. And I can see why this is there, it's pretty great.
The only form of text message stories I've seen is Lauren Myracle's TTYL series, which is amazing. This takes a different turn from that. It's heart breaking, someone wants their SO back and texting them is the only way they know how.
The only thing I'd like to see different is maybe give us a back story? I want to know what happened. Then again, this is perfect how it is, you don't want to give too much information to the reader.
I don't really have anything to say about improvements... it's good as it is. You did a great job! I hope to read more from you!
Nike
This is Kaos here for a review!
This is something that I didn't want to pass up on reviewing since I saw it. The work that you have here doesn't really feel like a short story but at the same time doesn't feel like a poem either, so I suggest putting it in the other category? Or at least I think that this would be better specified that it's told in text messages. Onto more of the actual piece, I thought that it was interesting that you told this from one side and that the person who the main character is texting doesn't really reply until the end of the piece.
I wanted more insight into how they were talking and if they were talking or if the main character was just being ignored. Something that interested me was the seemingly clingy feelings that the main character had and that's something I think you capture strongly and it definitely feels like all the bad messages that someone would send to their ex after they were broken up with and wanted to get back together with them.
I wanted more clarity and more context clues for if they were together before or if the main character thought that this person and them had something but the other person didn't really feel it. Another thing I wanted to comment on was the feeling of unrequited love throughout the story and that's something that I think you capture wonderfully. Another problem that I think could use a fix is the structure because at first I was confused with how the piece was written and thought that they were talking back and forth. It's just something that I'd like a bit more clarity on.
I hope I helped and have a great day!
Hi, Wow! great short story it's incredible how you made it feel tense and how you make your readers feel like the victim of the heart break. I really like the idea of one person's emotions, words and thought summing up to one Fantastic short story!
Nice Story
Hey, here with a review. First of all, I really liked your unique idea of a short story. As you read on, you feel more and more sympathetic towards the person. The one message out of the whole story that the ex sent was in bold, and that could be because the ex wants to get over her and wants to emphasis the fact that he wants to be left alone. Throughout the whole piece, you could sense tension and drama and it makes you wonder what happened between them? I also like this because it reminds me of voicemails that people leave in movies as time goes by- not the same but similar. Overall, I loved this piece. Keep writing!
~Rosy234
HEELLO TheStormAroundMe,
A short story about someone texting their ex. Or maybe not her ex, but they broke up. I like the idea of a one-sided conversation. Makes it seem realistic. And the format also looks like text messages.
One tip though. You could take out some punctuations. When texting, people don't normally write periods or question marks. Exclamation marks sometimes, but only when they're excited about something.
The one text in bold from the ex is a nice addition. Like the person didn't bother to reply until it got really annoying. Stupid idiot has no idea how much it means to you.
No idea,
Night Kaizer
Oh wow. D: This was really beautiful. I could feel the emotion. Did this actually happen to you? If so, I'm really sorry. I promise it gets better.
The only way I can think to improve this is to time-stamp it. That would add so much more tension and meaning to the words.
This was done very well.