Hey there TheStormAroundMe. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
First Thoughts
1. I don't particularly read or review poetry that often but your title drew me in, so obviously I had to check it. My main wonder coming into this was how you were going to manage the two subjects, even though they are really connected. The thoughts of the one person in the union add a nice twist to it but the sarcasm is a bit bitter, even for the situation. The bitterness of it leads me to believe it was like a very bad (maybe abusive?) relationship between the two people. That's just the vibe I get off of it but if you could point me in the right direction, that would be great.
2. The italics are set up a bit funky to me because your selection doesn't follow much of a pattern. I would think for the emphasis you wanted off of the italicized words, you would put one in that format in every one of the spaced out lines. Maybe that's just me but it seemed like each of those statements had a word with emphasis and it would be best to highlight it. Could you once again clear some things up for me here?
A Bit More On Point 2
1. The other reviewer has covered most of what I wanted to say but I did want to explain myself better on the italics thing. Take for instance the line in the quote below:
(shoot up on happiness)
~To me, the point/word of emphasis here is happiness and maybe italics would make the line more meaningful. I'm also in a little cloud of confusion over the parenthesis on some lines but on others you leave them out. Because (I think) they are all thoughts of the speaker but the formatting on each one is a bit different. I don't know if this was purposeful, to say that their thoughts are all mixed up currently or you just like the way it looked. The inconsistency in the lines gives me so many questions to ask but I don't know if there's any answer.
~I got a bit off topic there but the main reason I think 'happiness' is the base, is that in my mind it sounds the most sarcastic. The speaker is getting really frustrated at this point and to me, this would be the point when they were most sarcastic and mad about something. Perhaps that makes sense and maybe it doesn't. PM me if it doesn't make one bit of sense and I'll try to explain myself better.
Good-Bye
1. Alright, I'm going to roll down because I've said all I have to say. Hopefully something somewhere in all that text is something you'll find useful.
Good luck and good day.
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs
Points: 650
Reviews: 766
Donate