Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hey Dogs here to review!
First off for many people this is a very touching subject, and I'm very glad you wrote about it. It makes me glad to see that someone cares. I actually wrote a short story or more of a short few paragraphs about this. You could've chose to write something happy or sweet, but instead you choose this. When this happened many were upset, and were speechless. Why would someone do this? It's not really fair to all of those people who were there, injured, and killed. It breaks my heart to hear that this happened.
Anyway let's get on with the review.
The only thing I really noticed was the first few lines just rhymed, while the rest of the poem didn't.
These lines just rhyme, but it's not a major thing, and it doesn't really matter. I just wanted to point it out!
Anyway. I thought this was a very amazing poem, and I'm glad I came upon it! The title dragged me in, like any good title that I look for in poems.
Again, I'm glad I read this poem, and I hope to read more works from you in the future.
Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs
Hello, It's Sandman to review your work. I hope you're having a good day. So, let's just get right in shall we.
First off I would like to say that I admire your choice in the topic because you could've gone to a much happier and less grim subject but you didn't. It's a great work. I noticed something in the first few lines with "wall" and "all" but it didn't seem out of place just different. It's something that's good. That's all I really noticed. Keep up the good work and have a wonderful day.
Hi there, TheStormAroundMe! Niteowl here to review this poem.
Overall, I like the style of this piece. It has some strong imagery, and the short lines make it feel more breathless, which seems to fit the situation. I feel like it's often hard to write poems about national tragedies like this, but this one works pretty well.
My main quibble is with the first stanza. It seems somewhat weak compared to the others. There's that odd rhyming between "wall" and "all" in the first few lines, which I'm guessing was unintentional as it doesn't fit the rest of the piece.
This bit took me out of the piece a bit. Whose skirts? And I didn't know what a mandala was. It's a strong Eastern religious image, which seems out of place in the sensory "in the moment" imagery of the piece as a whole.
This part was also confusing. It seems to be saying that the strings--that is the lives of the people who were killed--weren't being put to good use. If that's not what you were trying to say, maybe some rewording is in order.
The last two stanzas are beautiful and sad. Overall, this has a strong tone and imagery. Keep writing!
I never noticed that the one bit rhymed! Thank you for reading!