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140,613 Literary Works • 673,552 Reviews
I like what you have wrote, and I can see what you are trying to say in this poem, its a very good poem. It intrigued me as I read on, the flow of it was nice and emotions seemed to go deep. I can relate to the purpose of you writing it, suicide or knowing others who want to do that particular act. I too know some and I helped stop them from doing it, I find it very sad and your poem express those feelings clearly. Again good job on it, yes the size of words could have been slightly bigger but other than that its amazing. I am happy I can find a poem or a person to relate to on matters like this, the serious matters at least.
Hello,TheStormAroundMe! Gxldencrxwns here for a review!
The first thing I noticed was the size of the words. It was hard for me to read this, mainly because of my bad vision, but I'd suggest enlarging the size of the words if you can. It'll be easier for your readers. Now, to the actual review--
In the first stanza, the third line: in this damn poetry. I'd suggest putting a 12 - generally appropriate rating on this piece for that. Better safe than sorry, am I right?
In the second stanza, I love how everything was described with your words. With every line, I could imagine a scene of what you're describing in this poem in my head. That's stellar! Great job for that!
I don't really have much to say about the third stanza. It was a bit bland, description wise if being compared to the other stanzas. But it's alright, I won't harp on your for it.
I personally enjoy the first two line in the last stanza. What makes me snicker every time I read it is that my mom makes that much an hour. But the thirteen tally marks on my arm part confuses me. Is it a 'Thirteen Reasons Why' reference?
Overall, this is one of the better poems I've read in a while. The scenes I could imagine in my head from this were amazing, it made me respect this even more than I already did. The title was a nice touch, too. It kind of brought everything together, you know? Sort of like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Keep writing!
~gxldencrxwns
Thank you! Ten people I know (some online, some in real life) have attempted suicide a collective 13 times. Since they were fifteen at the time, it's fifteen an hour. In case you didn't catch it, this poem deals with BPD. Again, thank you for reading it!
Oh wow, I'm so sorry. I can't believe something like that inspired something this. As far as BPD goes, I don't know very much about it, so that's probably why I didn't catch it. But you're welcome, it was a pleasure reading it!
Wow!
This is a great poem, and even with 4 stanzas or 6-8 lines I didn't feel like it dragged on or like I was waiting for some sort of punch line. Good job! 