Relativity

Hello TheStormAroundMe,

I really like this poem. This is something I've felt myself before, so I think I connected with it because of that mostly. Like, I could totally imagine myself writing this back when I used to think this way. That's actually both an up and a down side.

The upside of this is actually that it is something that can touch other people who are familiar to this. The downside is that it is something like this is very easily repeatable. If it's repeatable then it's not that original.

In this case, you worked around the potential of it not being too original by using specifics about things that could be worse, but I think you could push this farther by saying things that your speaker has happening that they don't like, and how that particular situation could be worse. For instance, My friend might not just ignore me, she might hate me, and spread wicked rumors about me. That's going to show how your speaker's case is original and provide you with a way to vent the reality of what makes your speaker start thinking 'I want to cry' which ends up at 'it could be worse, I have no right.'

Other than that, I think there are a few grammatical things you could fix with the poem. For instance, I am not a fan of line capitalization and I think this would do better with sentence capitalization or no capitalization due to the content of the poem. It's a pretty emotional, sad poem, so I think lacking punctuation could sort of show the "i give up" tone of the poem. Here's an article about that Capitalization in Poetry

Also here's an article about how to format on YWS just incase you were dissatisfied with how your poem looks. How to Format Poetry

I hope this helps you!

Hey! I love this poem! It really demonstrates what everyone thinks when experiencing pain--'so if my pain isn't as bad as someone else's, it doesn't matter?' I really enjoy the choppy structure (personally, my favorite one) because it shows the plethora of thoughts running through your head when you're in pain. The curse, I feel, is placed correctly. I'm glad you didn't overdo it there (just in the beginning, where it needed to go). Overall, that was a wonderful read and thank you for contributing!

Hello!

Your word choice is wonderful! Very nice in selecting your phrases as well as grouping your words together. You used simple words but they hold a lot of power to them. Your title is prefect for this poem since it captures the theme of the poem but also makes the reader think a bit as well which I always like. The flow is nice. You used when people pause as if there was a period after you completed a thought and I like that. The meaning of the poem is something I think everyone needs to read, saying that what you think might be bad really isn't all that bad compared to other place. I would not really change anything.

Happy Writing!

-M.

Haiii!

This is very true! Your poem gives a lot of insight on many places in the world where people aren't as lucky as we are. I wouldn't rate this as 18+ though xD. 12 year olds in middle school can curse more than this. Erhem. That's not important xD. When I read the lines, "There are thousands—; No, millions—; Of people who suffer; More painfully than me; More often than me.; So really,; I have no right to be sad at all.", it brought the feels! This really isn't a review, because I have nothing to critique. I just want to say I absolutely loved reading this because it was so real!!! I've been watching Youtube videos of stupid people doing stupid things (what do I do with my life). This brings back my faith in humanity ;-; (Really, me watching videos of stupid people doing stupid things is stupid xD. What am I doing...) Merry Christmas and keep writing!

Greetings from Squirtlepowiee