Hello, StormAroundMe,Lümhan here for a quick sneek-peek. First of all, I quite like your poem. It's simple. I have a doubt though; who is 'he?'If it's being referred to God or Jesus it has to be capitalized. Be careful with the punctuations.Keep writing and have faith in the Lord.
Hey Storm! I thought you might appreciate another review on this.I'm not very good at poetry, nor at giving constructive criticism (especially when the poem's really good like this one), but I can offer my analysis!The title caught my eye because I hear the exact thing every time at my Catholic church. It's a beseeching request for God to have mercy on creatures who fall short time and time again. We don't deserve it, but He continues to give us that mercy. The Father, the Lord, gave the Son, the Christ, who gave the Holy Spirit, the mercy.The first stanza. The sins we commit are tallied onto Jesus' punishment in Hell. Guilty, we try to forget the wounds we've inflicted, but the guilt just doesn't wear away. It's almost like it's better to be the one who receives the wounds, since they carry no pain after they've healed.The second stanza. They want to spread the Word to a neighbor, the project of the pious ("love your neighbor"), but doing so would only get them caught red-handed. That guilt of sin hasn't been scrubbed cleanly off yet, (Cool double meaning!) so how can they preach against sin when they're a sinner themselves? I'm not sure why the neighbor is called an angel, but in any case "your angel" doesn't know the stories of the Bible and doesn't want to anyway. This pious project seems hopeless.Third stanza. They're a black hole. They suck everything in, the good and the bad, without hesitation or control. Drugs, media, entertainment, etc. They're searching for the one thing they're missing (God), but like everything else, if they ever find Him it would disappear into them before they could grasp Him at all. What if they close their mouth and halt their recklessness, shutting off the black hole? Will God stay then? Yes, the speaker says. If you take control of yourself and believe, you'll realize how close Heaven and God really are.Fourth stanza. It follows the same structure as the first. Again, Jesus is washing the blood from his face, paying for our sins in Hell and fixing everything, the mess the sinful black hole has collected. But, meh. The black hole can't hold its breath for that long. Believing and understanding - it's not worth it. Being gluttonous and sinful is so much easier. The speaker isn't the black hole; the speaker is talking to the black hole. But I think that at the same time they're talking about themselves and the roller coaster of faith they've been on. "Lord have mercy on this soul," they say to God, meaning themselves. That's what I took this poem to mean! Let me know how close I am, haha. I think you did a lovely job on this - the language is beautiful and the meaning takes some effort to uncover. Keep it up!
Hey, TheStormAroundMe! VegasLights here to give you a review.I like this poem, but personally, I think it could be a lot better. I agree with beprepered when they talk about the poem making you think and everything. I can see how the title connects with the poem. I personally think that your poem has a lot of potential though. There is also some grammar and punctuation mistakes, but I don't know if you care about that. Just let me know if you do care about that type of stuff. Sadly, all reviews must come to an end and here is the end of this one! I thank you for your time and I hope you have a great day!~Keep Writing!~Miranda(Previously Steam1244)
This poem's title has nothing to do with the poem. The poem's text is hard to read so you might lose readers because of that. The poem really makes you think and question what you are doing if that was your plan good job. It's easy to relate to but at the same time not. It leaves me wanting to know what made you write a poem like this.
102,913 Literary Works • 544,648 Reviews