Authors Note - I'm not sure about the tittle. If you have any suggestions, I am more than happy to receive them =) In all my poems I try and make them relate to me. The emotions I feel =)
When you look into your horse's eye,
Do you ever stop and ask yourself why?
Why is all your innocence gone?
Why does the world have to be so wrong?
Why can't you still be the little girl you once were?
The girl who could forget everything once she ran her fingers along her horse's fur?
Your horse looks back at you,
Knowing the pain you've feel is true.
The loss of innocence is to hard to bear,
You want to scream to the world and ask why everything is so unfair!
You think of the innocence you had before,
Before the world opened the door to knowledge and horror.
Everywhere you turn you see people being slain,
It's only a matter of time before it makes the person go insane.
Desperatly you cling to your horse's mane,
As if it were the last hope of getting rid of the pain.
Your tears fall like drops of rain,
The loss of innocence is your bane.
Your horse may not understand your words,
But he knows what you mean.
Your emotions spiral like the diving birds,
He knows everything you don't want seen.
As your tears drop to the ground,
Your horse nuzzles you as if to say,
"Your safe now, safe and sound."
All your stress has gone away,
You thank your horse for making everything okay.
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Canary word: Present
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126,228 Literary Works • 672,937 Reviews
I really enjoyed this. I love how you used a lot of emotion. I actually started to feel the things that she was feeling. It's a shame how kids are no longer innocent in our so-called world anymore. The bad thing is that no one is really willing to do anything about it. Keep up the good work, though. You're doing great!
Thank you meggy077!
Awesome poem, Selina. As always <3.
Thank you Annie <3
You're welcome.
Hi! Sarah here to review. First off, I think this was a beautifully written poem. It is truly moving.
In the third line of the second stanza, you use the word "bare". In that context you would want to use "bear", as in, "it was hard to bear."
In the fifth line of the second stanza, "You think of the innocence you once had before," this would sound better- in my opinion, you don't have to do this- if you phrased it as, "You think of the innocence you had before," because "once had before" doesn't flow very well.
Third line of the last stanza- "swords" is not a perfect rhyme. I'm a little OCD, so if you're like me, I would maybe consider trying something like, "Your emotions spiral like the diving birds". Just a suggestion for a perfect rhyme.
Okay, I'm going to shut up now. Overall, a wonderfully written poem! I look forward to reading more of your work.
Hi! Sarah here to review. First off, I think this was a beautifully written poem. It is truly moving.
In the third line of the second stanza, you use the word "bare". In that context you would want to use "bear", as in, "it was hard to bear."
In the fifth line of the second stanza, "You think of the innocence you once had before," this would sound better- in my opinion, you don't have to do this- if you phrased it as, "You think of the innocence you had before," because "once had before" doesn't flow very well.
Third line of the last stanza- "swords" is not a perfect rhyme. I'm a little OCD, so if you're like me, I would maybe consider trying something like, "Your emotions spiral like the diving birds". Just a suggestion for a perfect rhyme.
Okay, I'm going to shut up now. Overall, a wonderfully written poem! I look forward to reading more of your work.
Thank you so much Sarah! I was having trouble with "swords" too but I couldn't think of anything..THANKS!
Lau here for a review!
That was beautiful. I used to ride and it felt like the horse just knew, simply knew. The poem was great and simple. Stress and knowledge are part of growing up, stress awfull. Knowledge great. Earth is a horrible place when you grow up. It used to be so magical, with new things everyday.
-Lau.
Thank you Lau, I am soo happy I was able to create something people could relate to =)