Hope In The Dark

Hey,

This poem is quite amazing. It's calm, soothing. There are some part that could've used commas for instance-

"A beacon of hope for those who are lost"
"God loves everyone poor or rich"
"God loves everyone the same"
"God is always watching remember"
"God is always there for you"
"Comfort and faith at no cost"

If there were commas after hope, there, everyone, faith and watching it would give the poem a more calming and soothing flow.

So that way things are well you know like this -
"A beacon of hope, for those who are lost."
"God loves everyone, poor or rich."
"God loves everyone, the same."
"God is always watching, remember."
"God is always there, for you."
"Comfort and faith, at no cost."

Those were just a few things I thought would flow more smoothly.

In the line "He is there your whole life through." I personally would think it would sound better if it says "He is there your whole life to help you through." But that is just my personal opinion.

Other than that it is a real great poem. Just gives this feeling of reassurance, and I say that because times for me have gotten hard and I was about to give up and then I ran into this amazing little piece of poetry, I had to read it a couple of times, but around the second time, I got this chill and a slight good feeling and just as I was getting ready to just give up on it all I started to feel I can't. At least not yet.

Thank you for this keep on writing I hope you have a good day or night. Whenever this is read.

-Slaughtamelon xD

I liked it a lot. Well framed. Brownies.

You need to use some commas, like

"God loves everyone, poor or rich."

"Yet in reality, you don't really need the stuff."

"God is always watching, remember."

I liked the ending and the rhyme scheme. Really good. It was pretty plain but it was good at the same time. Use strong and effective words. Talk more about how God would react and how we must fear and love Him at the same time.

"No matter if you are healthy or lame."

Did you just write this line to rhyme? Because it really doesn't fit in, it makes sense, but doesn't fit in.

Overall, this was a treat to the eyes.

Keep writing.

I love the concept of this poem. Its very well written and I like how it actually sounds I'm a Christian and I always believe that God help us. This could be a good Christian poem though

I notice a tiny mistake. Hope you don't mind.

This part:

"God loves everyone poor or rich"

You can add "," after the word "everyone"

So it will be:

"God loves everyone, poor or rich"

So there is a pause to it and it flows really well.

But overall the poem is good. I love the concept. It gave me a calm nature

Hi there. This is a very good poem with a very good concept. The rhyming couplet rhyme scheme for this poem worked really well. As an amateur at writing, the only thing I noticed was rhythm. What I mean by that is that when one reads it out loud, it sounds just a little choppy. The addition of a couple of words, or maybe taking a few out would help even out the way it sounds when read. Other than that, a really good piece all around.

Amen! I agree with everything you wrote. There is such a wonderful and true message to this poem, one that many people need to hear, and thank you for being so open about your faith. Thank you for writing this. Now I'll get on with my review. I will begin with the first two lines. "The world has gone dark. Evil has left its mark." I think this would sound better if you threw in an adjective to describe the word mark. Personally, I would use the word searing. This piece of advice is more of an opinion of what I would do than something that seriously needs fixed.

In the third line of your poem, instead of using a period after the word bright, you should use a comma. It would combine it and the fourth line into a long, complete sentence.

"God is always there for you, He is there your whole life through." These lines are a bit redundant. I would change the latter. Any words that aren't moving forward the theme of a piece of writing should be removed. I see a few instances where you could do this. In this case I would write, "Watching over every step your whole life through." It's a bit wordy, but I'm sure you could find a way to fix that.

The part about stealing seemed like it was randomly thrown into your poem. In several places such as this you derailed from your original theme of God being hope in the darkness of the world. You should add more details concerning the darkness of the world, and its dire need for God's pure light. Try answering these questions: Why and how is the world dark? How can the hope God gives light up the world? Describe the light. Why is hope needed so desperately? Describe the poor condition of this sin cursed world.

These are just a few ideas and suggestions concerning how I think you could make your poem even better. Even if you decide not to use them, good job for spreading the message of God's great hope in the darkness. Keep on writing this sort of stuff.