Watercolour Winter.

As I mentioned in the 'review the person above' thread, poetry isn't my forte. I'm familiar with writing 'poetically' but not stanza format. If I'm not mistaken, grammar rules are more relaxed in poetry, so long as you're consistent? But I'm going to critique this as I would for novels and lyrics. TL;DR version: take any of my critiques with a grain of salt

I feel there should be a question mark after 'watercolour winter' since it's posed more as a question. Another way to fix it is to move 'has'. Also, change the comma after 'hues' to a period, and in such case, capitalize the following 'and'.

I liked that you had the first three lines end with rhymes and you disrupted the flow with one that didn't and that you specifically made the line that did the one that pertained to the title. It helps it stand out but also shows an emphasis of segregation and seemed to emphasize this other worldly view to it.

I liked how you switched up which lines had the same rhythm (sorry, it's been so long; I can't remember the right term >.<). It also seemed to play on this segregation idea. This is just my interpretation, but choosing to have 'sharp black birds...south they fly' as the only two lines in the whole poem to be rhythm of seven is symbol seemed interesting to me. Since this is label under 'spiritual', I'm going to assume this is a reference to the holy number, but I'm going to play on its meaning for 'eternity'. So, I'm assuming that since 'black birds' are usually symbolic to crows and vultures, which prey upon the dead, that them biting against this 'blue sky' is going against what was established in the previous line and that they will repent for it as they 'fly south' or in their eternal punishment?

I also noticed that the lines with rhythm nine ('pale yellow...God blessed') seemed to represent God and his desired design, as this is also the highest number listed which seems to symbolically represent a 'higher power'.

The way I'm interpreting it is this 'watercolour winter' is this mixture of different ideas, views, upbringing, and races. And that at the end, by looking out 'my window' (your view of the world) you'll try to keep these same philosophies.

Anyway, interesting read. Fun brain teaser. xD Been a while since I've poetry. Should probably be more open to it.

Hello again my reviewing friend. Such a coincidence to see you again. You are torturing me. You have gotten me in the mood to write poems and I can't submit them! *cries* Why would you do this to me??? Lol...seriously though. I'm dying!

Cons:
1. In the second stanza, third line, I had to read it several times to understand. Once I read the last line, it made a bit more sense, but when you say, "and to A shining crust..." The a throws me off. Perhaps if you took out the a or replaced it with the or something it would make a bit more sense.

Pros:
1. Rhyming was really good! That was a different rhyming pattern that I don't usually see and I really liked it!
2. Spelling and grammar seemed fine to me...no major faults there.

Favorite part:

So from my window I look on,

at the sky, the snow, the birds, the sun,

and I think God blessed us, everyone,

with a watercolour winter.

Even though I loved this, as usual, I have one critique to make. I'm not 100% sure I agree with what I'm about to say, but I don't care, I'll say it anyway. (Lol, that rhymed. You are killing me!) Maybe, possibly the second line was a bit long for the flow. I read it again, and I think it's fine, but initially I didn't like the length of that particular line.

Thanks for writing this and getting me in the writing mood. I suppose it'll make writing reviews easier! See ya in the reviews and around the site!
-Sis

Wow, very interesting.

When I picture winter, I'm not thinking about color, just whites and grays. But from your poem I can definitely see how there is a lot of color out there, even if it's painted on with a wash.

I love your inclusion of God and how He gave this to us, which is a point a lot of people, even firm believers, seem to forget. Personally, I hate the cold, which means I don't like winter, but now I'm going to step outside and think a little differently, I think.

"Sparkling snowflakes snatched by the breeze,

waft over rooftops, hills and trees,

and to a shining crust they freeze,

in a watercolour winter."

This is a very good description of what I see when I look out my window. "Snatched" is probably the best word you could have used in the entire English language, and it gives it that cold, and harsh sense for winter, but you keep countering that with "watercolor" and it really makes the poem flow.

Very good work!

Thank you TakeThatYouFiend!

You did a very good job. The way you write flows wonderfully. My favorite stanzas are:
"Sparkling snowflakes snatched by the breeze,
waft over rooftops, hills and trees,
and to a shining crust they freeze,
in a watercolour winter."
and:
"And on the skyline I espy,
sharp black birds bite 'gainst blue sky,
as off towards the south they fly,
in a watercolour winter."
You have very great descriptive words.
Very good job.

Hi Fiend (can I call you that?), this is some poem you have here. The imagery is stunning, and I love the title. Watercolour Winter, it describes the poem perfectly! Since seven people has already preceded me in review for your amazing poem. I think I will have to suit myself to outlining some of my favourite lines.

And on the skyline I espy,

sharp black birds bite 'gainst blue sky,

as off towards the south they fly,

in a watercolour winter.

So from my window I look on,

at the sky, the snow, the birds, the sun,

and I think God blessed us, everyone,

with a watercolour winter.

Timmyjake to give you a review...

Wow, this is so amazing. How you managed to make each line rhyme and then how you had that repitious line at the end... Beautiful!

I have no critiquing for you... I found no fault at all with this piece. It flowed perfectly. I love your choice of words...

and I think God blessed us, everyone, --Okay, Tiny Tim. Wait... Isn't that me?

Sparkling snowflakes snatched by the breeze,

waft over rooftops, hills and trees,

and to a shining crust they freeze,

in a watercolour winter.

Firstly, thank you for giving me a mention, I feel so privileged. ^_^
Right, so, brilliant poem here, your descriptions are marvelous and the title "Watercolour Winter" along with the reference to it within the poem is just wonderful. From just the title, the reader can picture it
Onto the writing!

"sharp black birds bite 'gainst blue sky,"
wow, seriously, wow. This was really nice imagery, almost picturing them as blemishes on a painting... great!
Some of your rhyming is also great, when you describe the snowflakes being snatched by the breeze.. it's brilliant.
I am sorry to say that I have no improvements to suggest that have already been given to you, but I hope this review still helped Keep it up!
-CFG

Heya TTYF ( A.K.A Fiendy. ) I'm here for a review!

OK, so I'll start off by telling you that I love the idea of a watercolour winter! It's so poetic and artistic sounding, and I absolutely love pretty imagery! You've painted over the screen like it's a canvas, really, and your descriptions are incredibly vivid! You have a good sense of rhyme, and it doesn't seem forced which is good. There are a couple of places, though, that could use some tweaking and subtle twists to improve the overall flow. For example:

The sky's a swirl of whites and blues,

the pale yellow sun doth blend the hues,

and has the sparkling colours fuse,

into a watercolour winter.

Sparkling snowflakes, snatched by the breeze,

waft over rooftops, hills, and trees,

and to an icy crust they freeze,

in a watercolour winter.

And on the horizon I espy,

sharp black birds bite 'gainst blue sky,

Wow! I really love the imagery in this. I think that you've done a great job in painting the "watercolour winter" in your poem. If anything, there are just a couple rhythm and imagery things that I'd like to mention.
The line, "and to an icy crust they freeze,", I feel like the words "icy crust" don't exactly match the pretty, soft feeling of the poem. Maybe find a substitute that sounds nicer?
Also, the paragraph: "And on the horizon I espy,/sharp black birds bite 'gainst blue sky,/as off towards the south they fly,/in a watercolour winter." I think that this paragraphs rhythm is a little bit off? I think you could improve that with just a little bit of tweaking.
Overall, nothing big. I really enjoyed reading this, it was a great start to my day!
-Kekai

Oh this is quite exceptional, the imagery is magnificent. I love the constant rhythm in this poem, it made flow with a nice beat, also making it easier to read and you also fitted the rhyming pattern smoothly.

But what I'm really impressed with is how you've written it and the wonderful imagery you have managed to create of winter here. You have done a wonderful job of conveying what you see and what you want the readers to see through words. The words are so beautifully chosen, I can picture winter very vividly in front of me. Even though is summer here.

Next, I should point out my favorite lines.

And on the horizon I espy,

sharp black birds bite 'gainst blue sky,

as off towards the south they fly,

in a watercolour winter.

So from my window I look on,

at the sky, the snow, the birds, the sun,

and I think God blessed us, everyone,

with a watercolour winter.

I really, really, really like this. I can't even review because it has nothing wrong with it. Great job

Hey there, auother2b here and excited review this piece. In your note you mentioned this one of your best works and though I have not read anything else you've written I will say I really enjoyed this. So onto the review.

What I liked:

1. The structure. Both rhyme scheme and the way you formated the piece lend themselves to this work. The rhyme is beautiful and for the most part is not forced. There are some parts that seemed forced but even then they're not glaring errors.

2. The imagery. What you have written is a beautiful picture of a nature scene. If you added even more description you would make even more beautiful pictures but reading a stanza and then closing my eye, I can see the images you described so vividly I'd wonder if it was right in front of me.

What I didn't like:

So before I list this I will preface it with these are parts that I really encourage you fix not because they're terrible, but mostly just typos and I think that if you fix these few parts your poem would be even more incredible than it already is.

1. "waft over rooftops, hills and trees" I would add a comma between "hills" and "and trees" because without it the line reads too fast.

2. "And on the horizon I espy" I think you meant to write "I spy" and that makes sense. This might have just been typing to fast which brings me to remind you that when your posting make sure you reread over your pieces multiple times to avoid these typos.

Overall:

This is an extrodinary piece. I love this so much and you should be very proud of what you have written. Great job and keep writing.